Today it hit me: I've been keeping my girly side under fairly tight control (whilst admitting it's there) and the reason is I'm afraid that if I let go, she will take over and there'll be nothing left of who I am. I'll never be a boy again, and will be unrecognisable even to myself. Did anyone else fear this when they were coming to terms with their identity? How did you work through it? The other thing is a practical concern: I have a nightmare scenario where I imagine turning up to an new activity and I'm unable to persuade anyone I'm female (if that's how I'm feeling at the time). How do people here tackle the times when passing is problematic? Sorry. I know I should stop asking questions - this process is taking way longer than I thought.
For the latter question, I suggest you just keep insisting and, in some cases, ignore what people say until they call you by your desired pronouns, though of course if you're fine with either pronouns, you can't just randomly switch to what you prefer and expect everyone else to magically know what you want to be called that day. I never felt like I was leaving a part of me behind, because for me, I've always been masculine but able to appreciate SOME (not all) feminine activities in life. If anything, I felt like I was losing the closet piece by piece when I learned without a shadow of a doubt I was transgender, and that was awesome.