Synopsis - I think I'm ftm, very masculine, jealous of cis men, haven't felt like transitioning is an option. So, now that you're all caught up. I was talking to my senior manager today and I don't get a lot of time with him usually. On and off, he grows out his beard and I've always been jealous of it. It's a lovely condition and suits his face. I struggle talking to him because I always fixate on his facial hair. Well today, he had designer stubble and it was everything I want to have. The weirdest thing happened though; I immediately got a sense of acceptance and in my mind's eye I was transported to walking around Bath at Christmas and being aware that I had that stubble. It was a brief split second and it came from nowhere. Honestly. It was bizarre. I felt Christmassy and content. As if my mind was saying "look, I know you can't take the uncertainty right now, so here's a snapshot of the future". I don't know what to do with this in the cold light of day. It was an astonishing feeling. To feel this massive weight off my shoulders and have the experience of my favourite time of year, looking how I want to look...I wish I could have stayed in that daydream forever.
Kal, I think this is wonderful. I've seen so many people pose the question "what do you see when imagine yourself in the future?" To those of us who are questioning things and it sounds like your unconscious mind is answering that question for you. Congratulations on that! (*hug*)(*hug*)
That's awesome, though I'd like to warn you that, if you transition physically, you won't usually get everything that you want. XD Actually, I can almost guarantee you won't. Still, you should definitely work on figuring on what step you want to take from here, and start taking it. Honestly, I imagine myself as some insane bodybuilder or something when I'm older, but realistically I'm probably not going to get that far. Still, it's best to try and learn to accept your body at the same time. Good luck!
I feel you. As far as my physicality goes, I'm a bodybuilder and big. I match up to cis guys in the gym in terms of arm size, back width etc. The hairy stuff? Facial and otherwise? Well, I'm pretty hairy as a person. It grows super quick (from shaved head to swept back quiff, we're talking 8 weeks or so). I'm hopeful that if I do decide to take the plunge into the trans waters, that my body follows its natural direction of travel and not a step change - everything falls out and I'm bald as a baby's bum! Who knows. I've got an appointment with the GP next week to talk about this and I've specifically chosen one at the practice that isn't old or culturally blinkered (another story for another time).
