Any other trans people like me?

Well, often dysphoria is not so cut and dry. The typical scenario seems to be that the transgender person discovers themself at a very young age and grows up disgusted by their assigned sex characteristics, while longing for that of their true gender's. But this is not so with many trans people; it is unlikely to fall on such an extreme.

A lot of times, we learn to put up with are assigned sex characteristics because that is all we've known. Sometimes the discomfort can increase or even be debilitating, but other times it can be a vague discomfort or feeling that something is "off." But we have learned to put up with it, becoming almost numb. We don't feel proud of it, nor do we actively seeth over it. It simply is.

Personally, I think I can relate. I did not discover I was transgender until I was fifteen. Yet the years leading up to that, when I had no knowledge of the condition whatsoever, were perhaps the most telling. It was during that time, I was restless and uncomfortable. My self esteem was terrible. I did not feel proud of my body or the changes I was going through, like the other kids. While female peers enthused over breast development and celebrated menstruation, I swallowed deep embarrassment and subconsciously did everything in my power to hide. I shadowed my brothers, because I wanted to be one of them.

I felt out of place - disconnected. It was as if I was waiting, searching for something I lost, until one day I realized that what I lost was myself. A long time I had no words for it. My identity was vague and shifting. I was dissociating from my body but I didn't know it. I put up with my chest everyday because I have to. I cannot bind in my current situation, so I learn to ignore it. Put up with it. Complacency has grown like a mildew on me. When it comes to my body, I give a discontented sigh and a shrug. I'm not self hating like I used to. I'm not sobbing on the bathroom floor, hitting my chest. I'm not cutting and biting and weeping.

This body simply is. I don't hate it, because it's a part of me. I don't love it, because it's broken. I know it isn't right, but right now I can't do anything about it so I let it alone. One day it will be right, though. And on that day I can focus on my naked form in the mirror and instead of a blank gaze with a grimace, I can feel whole. And that is what I am working toward.

I assure you, there are people in our community who relate to you. It may seem difficult and like you are all alone, a minority within a minority, but that isn't so. Regardless, you know yourself better than we do, and the point is not to be trans enough or fit a stereotype. The point is to feel whole, in whatever way that looks like to you as a woman.

 

I don't hate my body, I just don't feel like it is quite right. My main concern is social. Until I look the part of male people won't treat me that way and I can't stand it anymore.

 

I actually feel male and like my female body, so I'm another one. I feel about my body just like every cis person does

---------- Post added 17th Jul 2016 at 07:18 AM ----------

I have to agree that it's irritating that you have to do certain things and conform to some stereotype to be seen as yourself. The notion that men cant wear "womens" clothing is stupid, but I have to play along to get understood.

 

I'd say it's pretty normal for a trans person. You're just lucky enough not to have bad dysphoria.

 

I'm non-binary firstly. I'm often OK with my face, despite it being quite feminine, but sometimes I wish it was a bit more masculine (or less round at least,) but only a little. I go back/forth with breasts but don't think I want them permanantly removed.

this might be tmi: I'm pretty uncomfortable about my female genitalia but I'm not sure if that is dysphoria or not. As a child I didn't really know I had any. It sounds ridiculous but yeah, just never looked/explored. Never occured to me to, later on as I learnt more during puberty I became pretty uncomfortable with them. I don't always want male genitalia though only sometimes, and I think I like the idea of having a vagina, just a bit uncomfortable with the reality.

I think I'm more bothered by the social aspect of always being read as female, never male. I get 'you have masculine body language' and 'you're not a girly girl' sometimes which is actually funny cause my self perception is often either feminine-androgynous-woman or feminine-guy, but since I'm quite short people think I'm 'adorable' they mean well, and I guess some feminine guys have to deal with similar comments but since my body is female... :/ I dunno I'm working on being OK with that in my mind.

 

I'm a lot like that. Usually, my dysphoria doesn't mean I hate my body, or even the specific parts that give me dysphoria. They just feel a wrong or like they're not mine. I'm usually okay with my body the way it is (although there are certainly days when the dysphoria is not so easy to ignore); I'd just be more comfortable with it and less disconnected from it if my body were male.

 

I don't hate my genitals. I'd say what I feel towards them is a kind of indifference and disinterest. I get how some people do really have strong feelings towards theirs, though. However, I go through periods of intense dysphoria. I've never really considered self-harm but I do know I feel a whole lot better when it's all tucked away.

 

I'm fine with my body, even to the point where I feel like it isn't wrong or out of place. I have no plans on doing HRT or surgery. I bind because (like some of you mentioned) I don't want to be read as my assigned gender, but I never bind at home and rarely even when I'm hanging out with my friends.

 

I have days where my dysphoria is very crippling, those are very hard to get through. But most of the time it only annoys me when I'm going to the bathroom or showering. Mind you the past three years of HRT has helped tremendously.