Firsts and some thoughts.

Got a couple of firsts out of the way today and I'm feeling really good about it. I went to Victoria's secret for the first time, accompanied by my bff and his gf. And not only that, but I wore my favorite women's jeans and bra with a nice tee shirt, which is exactly how this tomboy loves to dress. It might not seem like a big deal, but to me even wearing the jeans and knowing my bra straps are obvious can be nerve wracking. Anyway. They were having a 7 for $27.50 sale on panties and the place was packed. But I knew exactly the size I wanted and after a quick walk around to find the styles I wanted I dove right in with the other girls and didn't even try to rush. Nobody seemed to care, I didn't notice any stares and by the time I picked out 4 or 5 pair I was feeling pretty comfortable. I looked around for an extra 20 minutes while I was waiting on my friend and actually felt quite relaxed compared to other shopping experiences.
I've avoided going out in any women's cloths for awhile now, i only started wearing the jeans out about a month ago and just wore a bra out for the first time just last week (no padding, just a simple sports bra. just for me). But that's kind of typical for me. I've been a hardcore introvert for most of my life. I don't like going out. I get anxious in groups and I live mostly in my head and online. My outside life has always just been a means of survival, and presenting female in any way has always seemed counterproductive to survival. And this has fallowed the same pattern as when I broke away from the church after a lifetime of closeted disbelief, and when I came out as gay following the end of my marriage. It's always been the slow but eventual acceptance that I could no longer maintain the discrepancies between my internal life and the person I presented to the world. Then, when I was sure that I could not avoid upsetting the status quo, I would start dropping hints to important people to get them ready for a proper talk. I very rarely blindsided anyone. Then once my inner circle if friends IRL was in on what was changing, I started going public and being open about it on facebook, updating my status. After that felt comfortable it moved into real life and eventually I became outspoken and comfortable each time.
I know that as I start out on this next part of my journey that I am making the right decision. I know it because with every step I become more comfortable with myself, more comfortable in my body and much, much happier. I still have bad days, but I feel much more positive. And the confidence I felt today and the joy it brought me to move out of my comfort zone only confirms that I'm making the right choice. I've also noticed I'm alot more comfortable talking to my partner these past few.days as well. I'm still nervous, things can go wrong. But life is too short and too precious not to live it as yourself and he supports me 100% even if he can't promise our relationship won't change. And that's all you can ask of anyone.

Well, thanks for letting me share. I hope that at least one person can take something away from my story. I'd also love to hear some of y'alls stories if you feel like it. This is a hard road sometimes, but it helps alot to know that we aren't alone. Thank you to everyone who helped make this forum a great place to explore my authentic self.
~ Victoria