Couple of steps in reverse

Feeling pretty alone at the moment. Went to a family member's funeral and just felt so isolated from everything and everyone. A very small family anyway but my immediate family don't even feel related to me. Or like they even care how alone I am. Living on my own, not having many friends and not doing much...their lives seems so much more important to them and I don't even get asked how things are going.

And the thought of telling them I'm pretty sure I'm trans? Can't touch that at the moment now. The thought of telling my mum this, who is so wrapped up in her life, her relationship and her problems (the sort of person where you may say "I'm hating my job at the moment" and the response will be "well my job isn't a walk in the park blah blah blah". Not "talk to me". I just feel so much like a burden. The couple of friends I do have don't really want to keep hearing about how miserable I am. To clarify, I'm unhappy with a lot of things - work, where I'm living and what I'm doing with my life - not just the trans issues.

I long to live somewhere happening. My ultimate quest is to emigrate to America, as I've always loved it and wanted to live there for many years. I'm done with the U.K. entirely and by the way things are going, my family aren't that fussed if I stay here anyway (unless it's to do them favours last minute of course).

Sorry for the long moan. I just don't have many people in my life. And that makes me sad because I have tried really hard over the years. I removed my Facebook profile months and months ago and nobody got in contact to see where it had gone. I just want to get stuff sorted, leave and never have to look back again. I want so desperately to be happy and to live a full life because I know that's how the universe rewards you.