Hey guys, just a little update on how I've been! I'd love to hear what your guys' opinions are on this stuff! So, I've probably posted at least 20 different comments and wall messages on how I was going to see a therapist today, and I did. She seems like an okay person, but I'm honestly shocked at how indirect she seemed to be on everything. I don't know if it's normal, but instead of asking about anything related to my identity or phobia, she asked me a ton of questions on my family. :/ She was polite and everything, but I just kind of thought she'd ask a little bit more on stuff that might actually come up during a regular discussion. I mean, okay, I get it might spark your curiosity that I don't get along with my mom's husband, but is that really all we're going to discuss? She just went down a sort of list and wrote down notes based around whatever I or my mom said. (My mom was allowed into the room toward the end of the appointment.) She criticized my last therapist as some point, stating that since my last therapist focused on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy she probably didn't look at everything going into my life. I might just be a little too defensive, but I thought this was a really rushed evaluation of my last therapist's methods. I don't know why, but I get the feeling that this doctor just isn't used to straight-forward and honest tactics. It felt like everything I said was looked at like a bug under a microscope: Very carefully and interrogatively, but overall with very little care. It's not like I didn't like this therapist AS A PERSON, but everything about that first appointment made me feel like she didn't want to even talk about anything until we got to that point, and while I'm all for being "in the moment", she seemed like she was refusing to look at the future! I come off a little strong I admit, but when my mom was in the room and I discussed how I was interested in seeing if I could maybe use a placebo injection drug for practice later on, she said I was having "tunnel vision"! Like, fuck yeah I'm having tunnel vision! That's why I need to try and check my limits with stuff like placebo drugs, to see if I'm really doing better or if I'm faking it! Seriously, I didn't feel like she got what I was saying at all... I mean, I did kind of fuck up some of the conversation because when my mom was there my train of thought ran off course several times, but even still... Ugh, this doctor irritated me. As nice as she was, I just felt something was seriously off about her. Have any of you had doctors like this? She called me "she" at some point when talking to my mom, but I don't think she was transphobic- When mom said "he", she quickly changed how she talked by calling me "Chase" or "they" in every sentence, but idk... There are just so many red flags... I hope that the next appointment will be better: We spent the whole first appointment talking about my home life. She didn't even evaluate any of my phobia yet, but we'll do that the next appointment, which is in two weeks, around when school starts. God, I already really miss my other therapist... This sort of therapist treats me just like a mental patient, which a lot of doctors do, but I just figured somebody who specialized in gender identity and anxiety/phobia stuff would be a lot more personal and friendly than this doctor was.
I'd flat out tell her to use the right pronouns. I'd give her a few more tries, just Incase she was having a bad day or something. But ultimately, if you don't like her for whatever reason, dump her and look for a new therapist. Remember, you're not paying money to feel like shit over pronouns. You're not paying money to feel like a science experiment. And considering how much youre looking forward to T and how it's a very real possibility, you're not paying for her to get dismiss it.
Hopefully the next appointment will be better. ^^ Give her a chance, and if you're still not comfortable, maybe you can get a different therapist. I would tell her to use male pronouns, because that's just offensive. Maybe she doesn't realize it, but... yeah.
Yeah. Therapists are like that. Just tell her to use your preferred pronoun and she'll help you get better. They start with a ton of weird questions, but then eventually, like a calculator, come up with solutions to any of your problems. If she doesn't help, try another therapist. Hopefully this helps somewhat. (*hug*)
^ I don't think she was using the wrong pronouns because she wanted to disrespect me- I just wanted to bring up that point because it was something I noticed. Clearly she wants to help transgender people, and I don't think she's going to dismiss my case: I'm just worried over how slow she'll be with this process, and what methods she wants to use, since when I mentioned exposure therapy she said "Let's evaluate your anxieties first and then see what methods work best." I mean, I get that not all therapists diagnose right, but I don't think that's really appropriate to say if the phobic has seen results from the therapy. Then again, she seems to believe I have "tunnel vision" over this phobia because of my eagerness to deal with it, so maybe that's why she is so cautious. I am mostly upset because of her dismissal of my last therapist's methods, which are by far the most practical and realistic methods I've seen doctors use. She is diagnosing me the way you diagnose ADD or ADHD- Trust me, I would know, having been to a doctor to get diagnosed for that before. Luckily, I don't have either of those. I am willing to give her another shot, but if I learn my old therapist starts accepting our new insurance, I'm dumping this one in a second. Seriously, this therapist seems like a great person, but there's no emotion behind her, and really, I don't want to get my gender identity reevaluated again by somebody who doesn't seem to want to look as deeply into me as the other therapist did. Basically, cognitive behavioral therapy, which my last therapist specialized in, is the therapy in which you look at the patient's issues- how they're mentally disturbed by their phobia, in this case- and you look at ways for them to deal with that thing directly. This therapist tries to look at everything in your life that may possibly play a role in your trauma, and while that's great usually, this poses an issue when there isn't anything that affects my phobia- it's my phobia that affects everything else! Both therapy tactics do address the issue, but the latter one feels a lot more slow and unnecessarily invasive. I'm sorry, but there is zero link between how I get along with my siblings and that needle you're about to stick in my arm. I've created a list of things that give me even the slightest bit of anxiety regarding my phobia, so I expect us to at least start working on something by the third appointment, because a phobia evaluation shouldn't take more than one appointment, and I swear: If she just prescribes me anxiety meds instead of helping me face my needle fear head-on, I'm walking out! XD I mean, some people feel like it's better to use anxiety meds along with therapy to help maintain needlephobia, and I used to think that, but when you're at my stage of accepting your needlephobia it seems silly to try that- I'd only accept that method if we were in therapy sessions for a full year and I still couldn't get my blood drawn. As I told her before, I want to test myself to see how scared I am of needles before I start of square 1 of looking at pictures of syringes again: I know I'm past that point, and I hope she'll see that in her evaluation next appointment and won't try to test me on something that pointless. I just have a bad feeling that's what she'll do, and an even worse feeling that when I actually can self-inject, she won't take five appointments to confirm I'm fine, but ten. Is it bad she's giving me more anxiety than the idea of a butterfly needle poking my vein? I just hope she'll actually let me talk next time- I forget what it was, but there was something important I wanted to say but she didn't seem to notice when I kept trying to open my mouth to talk and she just continued asking about my dad.
I was never super into my therapist either and she was MEGA supportive right from the start. She at least made me comfortably accepted by using my correct name and pronouns without even having to be prompted. On the other hand, she often forgot simple things from session to session. I get I wasn't her only client but I just wanted to progress and not rehash. So I think having a therapist is like any intimate relationship. If you're not comfortable, if something is telling you it's kind of off, then maybe that's something you should listen to. On the other hand, you have way more experience with this than I do. I'd just say give it a little more time and if you're still feeling qualms, break up.
To be honest, from your description, your therapist sounds thorough, competent, and like she really wants to understand what's going on for you, and the root cause of the issues you're experiencing, before making any specific recommendations. And, quite frankly, that's the way therapy should be conducted, because it has the best outcomes for the client. Sadly, this is pretty uncommon in therapists today. You probably won't get very far in telling her what she should be doing; it sounds like she wants to spend some time assessing what's going on, and then working with you to choose the best path for treatment. Also, while it's uncommon for one therapist to trash another's methods, from the brief description you gave, it does sound like CBT is probably not the best approach for your issues... and unfortunately, the majority of therapists focus on CBT these days because it's possible to band-aid a problem and get somebody out the door in just a few sessions. I could be wrong -- it's hard to tell without being there -- but I think if you give this person a chance, she may turn out to be a really good choice.
Get this therapist to get your records from you old therapist. Also if you just be direct with her about how you feel about this she can tell you what her plan is. Also having to re-tell you life story every time you get a new therapist isn't uncommon. Definitely give her a few more visits, but if it turns out that you just don't mesh with her you might should look into a new therapist. You can also talk to your old therapist about if they can start taking your new insurance.
There are lots of different methods regarding therapy. It sounds like what your therapist is doing is what I'd be doing too; starting with general things, getting to know you and your life, then moving on to either what you came to discuss or focussing on issues that you might not have noticed or thought were a big deal but could be influencing you. That's just one of the things you have to consider with staying with a therapist, it could be that this method doesn't suit you (kinda sounds like that, especially feeling like she doesn't care and is putting you under a microscope). Therapy is intimate, you should have the right guide for it (unfortunately not possible for everyone ). I'd say, give it a couple more sessions, bring up your concerns with her, maybe ask her to describe her methods or lay out a timeline for your case. If you still aren't comfortable, and it's possible for you, find someone else.
I don't know why you think CBT isn't the best method for me- my problems are very simple- but yes, I am giving her a chance, but if I go in and we haven't discussed treatment by the third appointment, which I honestly doubt we will with how slow-moving she is, I will seriously consider getting a different therapist. I'm fine with re-telling my life story to some extent, but there are some things you just know are unnecessary, and already she has discussed things that make me think she has motives other than helping me with my phobia, such as asking if I'd like my mom's husband to come in, merely because I stated I dislike him. I would be fine with discussing and interacting with him if that's what I came in there for, but it's not, and it in no way could possibly affect my phobia or my transition, considering how even he is 100% supportive of my transition and me getting therapy. XD He's a doctor too, and when he heard the suggestion (we told him later that day) he agreed that this therapist just sounded way too nosy. I mean, again, don't get me wrong- as a person, she seems great!- but what I need now is somebody who will give me more of a "support therapy" than a full-blown analysis of my life. I mean, if something about me really concerns her we can discuss it, but I've taken my therapy into my own hands for a few months already, and I'm doing a lot better. I just want someone there to monitor my phobia and give me suggestions on what I can do next to overcome my phobia and keep myself calm. I get that we're not going to be giving me practice-injections by the third appointment, but I run my life on a schedule: During the third appointment we should at least be slowly working our way up on my phobia list and seeing when I really start getting anxiety, and at that stage we can start working with it. I get there's no money in helping me overcome my phobia quickly, but it's not like that's even possible for me. XD I am just at a point where I need to move up a little, because I can watch people get shots all day and not have an ounce of anxiety. I'm not sure what point I'm at though, which is the only reason I need a therapist really right now: Lots of people need guidance, but all I really need is support, resources, and eventually a letter of recommendation. I get that she needs to do some evaluation, but again, something about the way she talked made me think she was digging a bit too deep into my life- a lot deeper than a therapist needs to.
Just be wary of counsellors fulfilling their own agendas. In order to further their careers, they often find 'subjects' that feature (anonymously) in their own writings and theories on therapy. This is throughout their careers. I had a counsellor that I specifically chose to talk to because of the gender question. She spent the entire time fixating on my stress at work, my childhood and my views on others. It was pointless. She didn't seem to want to talk about my transgender issues. Make sure the conversations are travelling down the road you need them to. It's your life and you have clear points to discuss.
See, things like this are my only worry. I don't think she's trying to fulfill her own theories necessarily, but she did go a lot more off-topic during the first appointment than what I think is normal: I answered all her questions, so if she insists of delving much deeper I'll have to cut her off. I hope I won't have to.
The best measure is whether you're feeling any benefit from the sessions. Or even saying after giving it another session or two "I'm unsure whether I'm seeing the connection between what we're discussing and the issue I'm here to iron out; can we revisit what the purpose of these sessions are?". To be honest, I just gave up with my therapist. She wasn't as intelligent as me and couldn't offer any insight. Other than an ear, couldn't see the value.
:/ Well, all I really need out of these sessions is an ear, or more accurately, a table to stand on. I just hope she isn't going to try a bunch of unnecessary tactics. XD Like, I know a ton of therapists who only use hypnosis and reassuring words to try to cure their patient's needle phobia. XD I'm bringing a list of things that make me anxious next appointment, and I'll simply remind her that all I want is supportive exposure therapy, and while I'm open to other suggestions if there even are any, (since I've researched treatment methods for needle phobia extensively) I don't see how I'm going to improve if she just gives me advice on my family issues or tells me why I shouldn't strain my body trying out for a very physical sport. I've heard those things before, and I've gotten to a point where I have firmly decided what path I'll take dealing with those things: I'm fairly certain that by the third appointment we'll start to make progress so long as she doesn't waste time of irrelevant things.
Is it not likely that the therapist, and not the client, will be better qualified to determine what type of treatment is likely to be most effective for you? CBT has its value, but the problems you describe, if you would like to actually solve them rather than band-aid them, likely go beyond the surface behavioral modification for which CBT is most effective. Phobias aren't always simple problems that are extinguished with exposure therapy, and people dealing with trans issues nearly always have a constellation of issues that impact their adjustment. Add to that the dismal long-term satisfaction rates of people who transition without having received adequate and appropriate counseling and therapy *before* starting to medically transition, and it sounds like this therapist is trying really hard to ensure that you receive the best possible care to ensure you have the best chance of long-term happiness and positive adjustment. No offense, but you're starting to sound like an arrogant brat who thinks he knows more than the therapist. First, again, unless you're a therapist (and even if you are, when it comes to your own treatment) you don't know what's necessary or unnecessary. That's the job of the therapist. Second, if your father is a doctor, unless he's a psychologist or psychiatrist, or otherwise has the specialty training a therapist does, he isn't really qualified to know what could impact your situation. OK, so even though the data is sound that people who get high-quality, comprehensive therapy prior to transitioning have a much, much higher long term success rate than those who shortcut the process... it sounds like you don't actually want someone who's a qualified professional to help you navigate probably one of the most complicated and difficult paths anyone can take in their lifetime; you want someone who will be a "yes person" and do whatever you think you need, without regard to whether it's actually in your best interest from a professional standpoint. That's your right. In that case, why not dump this therapist now, since she's clearly a competent and capable professional that will actually help you deal with the complexity of your situation (which, clearly you have little understanding of) and instead find a crappy therapist that will let you dictate exactly what you want and just do your bidding. You'll save everyone time, this therapist can actually work with someone who will appreciate her skill and talent, and you'll get what you want. I know that sounds really harsh, but you seem to have this attitude like you know exactly what is best, clinically, for your treatment... and you don't. You may think you do, but to paraphrase a saying from the legal field, "The person who acts as his own therapist has a fool for a client."
I understand that traumatic experience is probably the reason I have needlephobia, but since I can't even remember said traumatic experience, all needles do for me is trigger an intense "fight or flight" reflex, which is why exposure therapy has already been decided as the best treatment method for me- by real doctors over the internet as well as the therapist I met in real life. Yes, I know doctors over the internet might not be real, blah blah blah, but that doesn't mean I haven't heard that exposure therapy is the best method enough times to know it is. Now, if there was a method other than exposure therapy that actually worked, I'd be willing to try, but as I said, I researched every single method for exposure therapy over the internet and, unless she wants me to take anxiety meds WITH exposure therapy, there really is nothing else that has been proven to have long-term affects for people with my strand of phobia. I may sound arrogant, but the truth is that I DO know what is best for myself. I've had moments when I've been too arrogant for my own good, but this definitely isn't one of those moments. As I said, all I want is "support therapy" from her as I go through my exposure therapy. She can try to make me have long, deep and meaningful conversations with random classmates of mine all she wants, but if she refuses to help me start out on the proven methods then what else can I do but find a new therapist? Now, I think she will, but I just don't want her wasting time on anything pointless. Next appointment is when she's going to do her evaluation of my phobia specifically, so hopefully she'll get my message and we'll be able to start by the third. I'm really just worried she'll delay too much due to the very slow way she handled things during the first appointment. As I said, I run my life on a schedule, so I don't want to have to pay for five appointments only then to learn she doesn't want to do exposure therapy and instead wants to try, idk, hypnosis. There's a lot of crazy therapists in this state, which is why I'm very particular and want to make sure my doctor only works on proven methods that have had more than five people say they "felt better" after them since the method's creation. :dry:
Well, as I said before, you clearly believe you know more than anyone else out there, including the professionals like the person you're seeing who do this work for a living and see hundreds of patients... so... more power to you. But... why are you even asking for advice here if you are so confident you know more than anyone else about exactly what you need, are clear that this therapist doesn't know squat about how to help you, and are already making up stories about what she will or won't recommend? Hell, if you're so convinced, you might as well do your own exposure therapy, since clearly you know it will work for you, and are certain you don't need any of the other things that every other trans person in the transition process needs.
And what things would that include? And as I said, I do want "support therapy" meaning I want her there to be a witness, recommend things that HAVEN'T ALREADY BEEN RECOMMENDED, and eventually write a letter of recommendation for testosterone. I don't mind if she asks questions, but do you seriously think it's necessary to bring totally unrelated people into a therapy room to discuss unrelated issues?
