Hi everyone, I never realy felt or known gender dysphoria before this year, and the feeling is getting stronger and stronger, maybe i was naïve before or something or i just don't remember, idk. But sometimes i don't realy mind either and it confuse me so much... and still if my body or comment on my gender doesn't bother me i still go home and spend 90% of my time thinking about my gender identity. I start to picture myself in the future as a woman but i'm realy scared cause i don't know if i'm gonna be happier or if it's just a phase or if i'm just wrong... I've come out to my brother and some friends and i think my mom knows, but i still cannot come out with an answer to them and they not realy any help, they were cool about it but they were pushing too much as well, like "do it" and "transition" but i just don't know and they don't seem realy informed so i wanna run away in shame or slap them XD. Hope i didn't burden you so much with all this, thanks for reading <3
You're never a burden! Please talk if you have things you want to say. So you're born physically male, I take it? And you're wondering whether you might be transgender? We can help you sort that out here, or help you help yourself, so to say. : ) When you go home and think about your gender identity, what kind of thoughts run through your head? Please feel free to speak at length if you need to. Your friends seem a little pushy, that's okay if you feel that way, but I think it's a great thing to know that they are at least accepting, and even supportive, it sounds like, if you do decide to go on with this. I hope you're doing well. And I haven't had the pleasure yet, so I'll welcome you now: Welcome to EC!
Thanks, the people i've met here so far seems realy accepting and welcoming Well when i come home i feel neutral at first then after 10 minutes alone i think "am i trans? Am i a girl? Am i thinking this just to find any answer to my depression and end it even if it's not the reason of my struggle" and i do research and start having mini panic attacks sometimes :/ And i wonder if i'm not panicking and having some dysphoria because i ask myself those questions that feels fake or wrong sometimes. and they go in circle or i start wearing makeup in front of the mirror but it feels half right sometimes, maybe out of shame... idk I wanna buy woman clothes to know how i fell with it but i'm terrified, i'm in a depression since about 3/4 years ago and going out in public scares me a lot, and if i'm in public to buy wigs and dresses....
When I bought my first dress, I had help from two friends. We went to a store that didn't have an attendant at the entrance to the dressing rooms. I picked the dress, went to the dressing rooms when they were empty, and tried it on. One of my friends, a woman, paid at the counter, and I paid her back after we left. I don't know if you would be able to do the same thing, but it worked out for me.
Well, something's there that's definitely not a phase. But you just find yourself at your own speed. There's no wrong way to be you.
Yeah maybe i'll try that with a friend when i'm ready thanks for the advice. I don't know... when i wear make up and improvise bra i feel... i don't know how i feel realy but i'm mostly scared, still i'm doing it again. I read other story and people find revelations, i can't quite seem to find any yet :/ that's what makes me feel like it's a phase or that i'm crazy idk XD
Why do i feel so uncomfortable going outside, i'm invited to a concert i don't even want to go... how do i fight that?
You're probably in the first stage of Gender identity/Sexual identity. Sooner or later you'll accept this part of yourself. Lots of times, these feelings don't start till puberty or later. What you're going through is perfectly normal and we all on this website have at one time experienced them.
I hope so, this is realy stoppping me from living normaly right now... With my sexuality it was way easier, i just knew i like guys, it was a fact. Telling of course was way harder. But here, i'm just confuse :/ Thanks for the support
Doubt is good, it means you're definitely not crazy! That said I also didn't associate dysphoria with gender for a long time. I felt like girls were "better", that I got the short end of the stick but I thought that was just "grass is greener" syndrome and doubled down trying to be masculine. It wasn't until I accepted that I was trans that the "melancholy and infinite sadness" became directly about gender. The more I analyzed and understood my feelings, the stronger I felt it. I also noticed that I began associating my memories of being a depressed teenager with gender dysphoria, which makes me wonder if I was just repressing those feelings or if it's a case of false memory. I guess it's impossible to know for sure but I think I always really knew it was about gender I just wasn't admitting it to myself.
Thanks Jiramanau, I totaly feel you, you kinda said what i couldn't put into words. i'm starting to get there, it's just still blurry i guess. But life isn't always crystal clear right ^^ And yeah i'm confuse cause i didn't realise that younger, why is it growing stronger now, why not sooner?
Honestly I think we all (or at least most of us) had one point in time where we wondered "Am I really trans? Or am I just crazy" haha. I'd say not to dwell on it too much, love. I spent hours and hours agonizing over my identity, only to finally realize what it was AFTER I stopped caring :3 It's kind of like... trying too hard, I think. You'll be certain when you're certain, and don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything. That said, buying a dress or some makeup just for funsies can't hurt xp
Awesome discussion here! Personally, I am 41 and only now in life fully understanding what was going on when I was too young to understand the urgency of the thoughts I was running from. Wow that's wordy It required for me a long time alone with my thoughts. Many memories weren't available to me when I first started admitting to myself what I was feeling. Once the memories started coming back it was like a connect the dots picture where I'm clearly in a skirt and some nice heels. So dear Liz, I agree with the sentiment here, be however you feel comfortable and be gentle with yourself. I personally find a nice walk in a forest to bring calm to my storm.
Thanks for the lovely advices <3 Yeah i tend to overthink things, unfortunatly i live in the city, so no wlk in the forest until i come back to my mom place, city isn't the best place to relax. And i'm starting to see that video games ain't the best solution to get a clearer mind, but at least here i have a peaceful time alone to think only about myself. Have a nice evening... or day ^^ idk
I just realised that maybe the reason that i lost contact w/ like 90% of my friends overs the past 2/3 years is social dysphoria. And all this time i just didn't understand anything about isolating myself from friends, family and school and society. Maybe it's something else, but this explainnation seems to make sense now... Am i making sense? XD
Yeah I shut people off, too. If someone isn't in my daily life I tend to lose interest in keeping up with them. Socializing with people who don't know I'm trans is really stressful. and even with people who know, it feels like a burden. To them transition is a future event, I'll take pills and at some point in the future I will become female. To me, the event happened when I realized I needed to transition. I try to be patient with them. I appreciate that they just want me to be happy and mean well. But it's getting harder to subject myself to it
I understand, sometimes you're just too tired to put up with it... But why i shut them off was totaly obscur to me, i didn't get why i did it. Also, i told a friend about it and she offered me to see a specialist (gender therapist) or even a support group but i'm realy nervous and i'm not sure i'm ready to go down that step yet. Should i push myself and do it anyway or push back the offer for now?
