1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How do I tell someone I'm Trans?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Kal, Jul 22, 2016.

  1. Kal

    Kal
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2015
    Messages:
    458
    Likes Received:
    26
    Location:
    Bath
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Out Status:
    A few people
    So, I guess this is where it gets real. I've pretty much accepted the fact I'm a transguy and that I need to figure out if and how I'm going to transition. So far, I've only told my GP that I believe I'm transgender. I've not told anyone in my life. The old shame feeling is creeping back in when I think about telling someone because it makes it super real.

    But I know that I cannot keep this quiet for much longer and my happiness is suffering in part because of it. How do I go about telling someone? I'm thinking a friend to begin with (not exactly a long list to choose from).
     
  2. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2015
    Messages:
    2,802
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Far above the clouds, gazing deep below the Earth
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    I think it's the same with a lot of anxieties - the fear of it is much harder than actually experiencing it. I was very anxious the first time I came out. And coming out to someone is always anxious to me. But it settles after you've told them (unless maybe if they're not nice about it).

    So you've got to be brave and take that first step. The rest will fall into place in my experience.

    Good luck.
     
  3. Lacybi

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2015
    Messages:
    483
    Likes Received:
    36
    Location:
    Ireland
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I came out to seven of my friends and my parents (twice) by a letter - trust me it gets easier the more you write
    Good luck!
     
  4. Daydreamer1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2011
    Messages:
    5,680
    Likes Received:
    21
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I came out to people around me either through texts, Facebook, and one person face to face. Some people write letters. It all depends on what you're comfortable with it.
     
  5. Kal

    Kal
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2015
    Messages:
    458
    Likes Received:
    26
    Location:
    Bath
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I don't think writing a letter would get it off my chest as much, because there aren't any reactions from having a discussion about it. It's the exposure that scares me. I'm a very tough, self sufficient and strong person - to tell someone something so personal and open myself up to potential pain terrifies me. Is there any way to get past that? I've got a friend that I know if I tell, she'll say she knew anyway, so that's not as big a deal. But not sure I trust her to keep her mouth shut and we live in a yokel inbred town.
     
  6. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2015
    Messages:
    2,802
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Far above the clouds, gazing deep below the Earth
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    I did it face to face with everyone I'm out to, and since I was about 9, I've been the type that never opens up, plus I have fear of abandonment and stuff. I just felt that I needed to get this off my chest. So I did. I was talking to my friend. I was anxious as hell, but then I was just like "Hey, I need to tell you something", and blah blah blah. And he took it very well, he just said something like "'kay, as long as you're happy that's great."

    I don't think there is any magic trick to it, really. You just have to accept that you will be scared, and go through with it. If I may select a quote from that epitome of wisdom, Kung Fu Panda: "There is no secret ingredient."
     
  7. AmyBee

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2016
    Messages:
    511
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Japan
    All the people for me who it really mattered to, I came out by email and text because that's our sole means of communication these days. Some of them and I have dealt with it in person since but not all because I never see them. I feel that lack sometimes. But doing it this way has been a very easy process so far.
     
  8. Jjanon

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Messages:
    94
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Utah
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Kal, I'm really happy that you're about to take that step! For me it was terrifying right before (and I was had instant regret shortly after) but after a day I felt a lot calmer and now I have a friend I can talk to about things.

    I had to just blurt it out similar to Invidia. Once I was able to say "I need to tell you something" it kind of just came out since I couldn't NOT tell him something at that point.

    Good luck!
     
  9. Aberrance

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2016
    Messages:
    990
    Likes Received:
    136
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    To all the people close to me I wrote a letter and handed it to them face to face explaining how I was feeling, what was going to happen and how they could support me. Clear and concise (because I spent hours editing it) and gives them time to process it and discuss it afterwards as they read it in front of you. I just clam up and it never gets told the way I want when I just say things out loud so I'd say writing it down is always a good bet.
     
  10. Kal

    Kal
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2015
    Messages:
    458
    Likes Received:
    26
    Location:
    Bath
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thanks everyone, that really helps sort it through in my head. We'll see if I pluck up the courage!
     
  11. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2015
    Messages:
    2,802
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Far above the clouds, gazing deep below the Earth
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Go, Kal! (!) Dancing banana partay (!)
     
  12. Kal

    Kal
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2015
    Messages:
    458
    Likes Received:
    26
    Location:
    Bath
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Out Status:
    A few people
    My friend came round for some BBQ...I bottled it. Kicking myself for missing the opportunity.

    ---------- Post added 23rd Jul 2016 at 01:23 PM ----------

    My other mate texted me to ask what's up so I told him via text. No response as yet. Marvellous.
     
  13. unknownerror

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2012
    Messages:
    128
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Skullcrusher Mountain
    Don't. I did the same thing, multiple times with my best friend, who I knew was very open minded, knew I wore women's clothing etc...It's still really hard the first time, and the second time, the third time...etc...

    eventually it gets a bit easier, but the first 10-20 are rough.

    with my sisters and my brother, I sat them all down, (individually) and asked them "how would you like a new sister? and one less brother?" it was a semi lame joke, but it was enough that I was able to use the humor to get through it, and I could rehearse it in my head umpteen billion times :wink:
     
  14. Rickystarr

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2016
    Messages:
    1,054
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Kansas City
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Maybe this isn't the best way to go about it, but instead of just saying "I'm trans" I've been saying first "I'm in gender therapy." then wait for them to come to a conclusion and it is usually the right one, but if not I steer them towards it, then we can have a frank discussion about it. It is just really hard to get those words out, at least in my case. Talking about gender isn't so hard (specially since I've been talking about gender for years, just not so directly), but actually saying the WORDS "I'm trans" seems impossible some times. So I just talk about things without putting labels on, at least at first. I say "So...I'm in gender therapy..." they say "Oh! How is that?" I say "Good, we've been working on some of my issues (at least in my case, my issues have always been fairly evident)." they say "Well that's great! Are you working things out?" I say "Yeah, it seems to be helping." they say "Well I'm glad it's helping." I say "Yeah, so I'm probably going on testosterone in a few months." (that is when it really becomes clear to them what I am saying.) they say "Well whatever makes you happy." and I tell them what name I'll be using and we have a nice conversation about how I came up with the name, then we talk about who I've told and not told and blah blah blah.
     
  15. Kal

    Kal
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2015
    Messages:
    458
    Likes Received:
    26
    Location:
    Bath
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thanks, that's really useful. Although more like a year for T, maybe more
     
  16. Kal

    Kal
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2015
    Messages:
    458
    Likes Received:
    26
    Location:
    Bath
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I lined my brother up for a conversation. He's a bit elusive and lives in a different city so I wanted to make sure he'd make the time for me. He was genuinely worried that something was up so I told him it wasn't negative. Just got to pick a day and tell him I'm trans and heavily considering how to transition. Funny side note, I'm darker in complexion and hair, and will likely grow a beard far better than he can...not sure he'll like that!