1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Help Accepting Lack Of Acceptance

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by ThatRangerGirl, Jul 24, 2016.

  1. ThatRangerGirl

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2015
    Messages:
    108
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bessemer Michigan
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    This is going to be a controversial thread, but it needs to be out there (it may also contain a bit of a rant against the LGBT community)

    I came out to my Mom as trans about 1 year ago--

    She acknowledges the medical causes of gender dysphoria. She is a strong believer in science, and she has done a lot of reading on LGBT things since I came out. She very definitely understands that being trans is not a choice, and that there is nothing anyone can do to change it.

    But at the same time, she is deeply against me being trans-- she believes it is extremely sinful, and she thinks transition is a waist of money, and she wishes I would just not transition, and suffer my dysphoria in silence.

    Unlike most anti-trans parents, she is extremely supportive (in her actions) I mean just yesterday, she drove me 2 hours, bought me 400 dollars of girls clothes and cosmetics, and then drove 2 hours back, without complaint (in fact it was her idea) She wants me to be happy, and she acknowledges I have been happier since coming out. She also calls me Maya, and uses the correct pronouns (except with non supportive people such as my grandparents)

    If you just looked at her actions, and the way she she talks most of the time she seems moderately supportive and accepting. But sometimes things set her off, or she slips up and makes a comment, and other things like that; consequently I know quite well, that she thinks me being trans is sinful, and transitioning is extremely sinful-- I also know that she does not really believe I'm female, even though she acknowledges gender dysphoria isn't a choice.

    The sad thing is she wants to be accepting, and she tried to for a long time, but ultimately came to the conclusion that trying to force herself to be accepting was making her more angry with me than she already was (she is angry at me for being trans even though I didn't choose it)

    Ultimately she knows her beliefs/feelings about this are irrational, and largely do to several events in her early childhood. One of her first memories is her parents telling her how evil it was to be trans (she was five at the time) and she spent most of her life, and all of her childhood in extreme evangelical churches (when she was 14, her youthgroup also taught a lesson on how Rock n' Roll was Satanic Mind Control) Unlike Trans issues, she did not discover homosexuality until she was 17 (weird, right?) and she supports gay marriage and does NOT believe homosexuality is a sin.


    A long time ago she told me that if she has to accept me for who I am, I have to accept her for who she is (in this case, being disapproving and not accepting)

    I honestly agree with her on that.

    How can I go about accepting her as she is, rather than trying to force her to change her views that are her right to hold (and would be impossible to change)
     
  2. Secrets5

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2015
    Messages:
    1,964
    Likes Received:
    77
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Perhaps knowing and/or believing that it wasn't her fault to have these views as they were imposed on her from such a young age and she knows they're not rational. We all have primary sociolisation (from parents) and secondary sociolisation (from religions, schools, media etc.) and it can be hard to change it.

    Also, think about something you disapprove of now - and disapproving is the majority view. Now in 50 years time when you're 68 that minority that approves of what you disapprove decides to take action - and people start to accept it. But you don't want to let go of your view, you believe you are right - it's what you have known and your view sounds valid to you as it was valid when most people disapproved of it - to you, nothing has changed, that view still exists - all that's changed is other people's opinions, so why should you change just to fit the majority (?). Epecially since you were the majority before - the minority then never had to change their opinions to fit yours.Think of how real your disapproval is now, and the reasons you hold. Now imagine if somebody told you that you had to get rid of that opinion now - because in the future it will be approved of, and think of how ridiculous you look in the future when most people approve and you don't. Put it like that and perhaps you can understand her view.
     
    #2 Secrets5, Jul 24, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2016
  3. DoriaN

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2011
    Messages:
    1,106
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Canada
    God made us all in many different ways, and each of us has our own struggle in life that tests our mettle; it helps us grow.
    Remember, clothes for the body and not the body for clothes, our heart is our heart, it gives shape to our intentions, our feelings, our actions. Regardless of how you look on the outside where others judge us, God looks on the heart and shows no partiality.

    My parents have a very hard time with the fact that I'm trans, but the love will always be there regardless, things heal with time and it can take time to undo the things we spent all our life learning. There is actually more credence to homosexuality being a sin than being trans is from what I've learned, but we also have to remember what the Word says and examine our own actions and understand we're all sinners regardless and we are not greater than each other.

    Ephesians 2:8-9
    "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast."

    Romans 13:8-10
    "Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law. For this, “YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY, YOU SHALL NOT MURDER, YOU SHALL NOT STEAL, YOU SHALL NOT COVET,” and if there is any other commandment, it is summed up in this saying, “YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law."


    She sounds like she loves you very much, unfortunately these things take time and you're quite fortunate that you're getting these issues out of the way at such a young age, I'm 27 and my parents are struggling since I kept it from them for so long.

    Just be patient and sensitive to her needs, she'll come around, for all she knows maybe you were put into her life to soften her heart on this very (ironic) notion.
    Love you and God bless <3
     
  4. GoodVibes117

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2014
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Midwest
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Out Status:
    Some people
    it definitely sounds like she is trying, so much! be proud of her for going against everything she was raised to believe, and know while she has her moments, she sounds like a wonderful mother who is honestly trying her best. she's bought you clothes, no truly transphobic person would do that! of course she wishes you wouldn't, shes probably thinking about how life would be much more difficult for you, as well as battling what she was taught as a child. i'm sure that with time and exposure, she'll come around even more than she already has. :slight_smile: good luck to both of you. <3