So I've been having some weird fantasies related to my gender identity and wanted to ask if these are alarming or if anybody can relate. Two of the fantasies are just depressing and mostly intrusive from what I can tell. The most time-consuming fantasy was one I started getting after my dad told me about a theory some guy had that we're living inside a matrix. Now, I don't actually believe this but at the same time, I kind of do. But not 'cause I really do but 'cause it helped me with my gender id. I keep thinking that if I beg hard enough or actually believe in the theory I'll be taken out and wake up in a female body and get to be a happy and joyful person. And then I keep picturing myself being then given the ability to simulate my life in all sorts of other ways which would also all be female. Somehow though, I feel like I actually believe this even though I don't. Is this alarming? Can any other trans people relate? (sorry, I'm a bit messy at wording things like this)
Or in other words, the film trilogy The Matrix! I wind myself up with 'there's no such thing as coincidence' and therefore, my life must be pre defined and a bit like The Truman Show. But, it's easy to distract yourself from these thoughts by busying yourself with some activity.
I think there are so many levels of what is 'real', culturally or otherwise, who's to say there is one 'real' and 'unreal' place.
As long as on some level you genuinely don't believe it, I don't think it's an issue. There are a lot of things that I sometimes believe in because they are comforting, even if I don't really believe them. My only concern is that you say they are depressing. A fantasy that provides comfort for you is completely okay (as long as you are not too dependent on it and as long as you don't begin to fully believe it), but if the fantasies are intrusive and upsetting, you should find distractions and other methods of getting rid of them.
I meant that there were two fantasies I had earlier that were really, really depressing. Also, I kind of feel like I believe it even though I don't. Not sure if that makes sense.
Elon Musk has said it's very possible we're living in a "matrix." I don't think so, but I can see how that idea would be really appealing. I used to have this dream I could cross into a parallel universe where I was physically female and just start living there. Another thing I used to wonder was if there could be some kind of transporter on Star Trek where they'd store your info in a buffer of some kind and if we tested it out and I was reassembled using the pattern of someone else who happened to be a woman. And I'd be like, "Oh gosh, accidents will happen! Oh well!" Anyway, the point is, people will always dream of ways out of their situations no matter how realistic or unrealistic their dreams may be. I think it's totally natural. We imagine. We dream. We want to change things we're unhappy about.
Well, I actually subscribe to the parallel universe theory. I think in infinite time there is space for infinite possibilities. But going there? Sigh... I sometimes wish I could project my current consciousness backwards along the timeline and inhabit an earlier self and tell her, "Don't be afraid of who you are. Also, here are the winners of every Super Bowl for the next ten years."
Just thought that I'd mention that every now and then I have dreams relating to my gender identity, and I've always wondered if they'd actually mean something. Most of mine were ones about acceptance, but there are the occasional bad ones. Now that I think about it, I haven't had one in a little while. :eek: Lots of people can't remember their dreams though or so I've heard. One dream I had was about a birthday party for me. I had this multi-tier cake with candles and stuff. I opened a card that's on the table, and it said something along the lines of we know. My grandmother tells me that my family has known I'm trans for awhile, and they're accepting (though I doubt it will actually be anything like this) of me. Next thing I know, I look like that guy that I imagine myself being after transition and stuff. Then I woke up... :bang: Maybe some other stuff happened, but I can't quite remember since it was a year or two ago. I would tell you another one, but it's even weirder though I do enjoy the dream quite a lot.
I don't know if this is the same but Iv had a lot of very vivid dreams where I am very much female and liked it a lot loll I really don't know if its the same thing but even after I have these sorts of dreams I have a very strong desire to be more female then I uselly am
I practically beleived religously for a long time that when I died the Grim Reaper would ask me if I would like to come back and as what and I would be this really cool dude. Like seriously that is the only afterlife I really want.
