I don't consistently pass as male, so I use the women's bathroom when I have to use a gendered bathroom. Today, I was out of the house for a while and used public (gendered) bathrooms twice and both times, women who were walking in saw me there and stepped back out to make sure they were in the right bathroom. As I start to pass more often (I'm not on T; I'm just getting better at presenting masculinely), I'm starting to wonder about how to make the decision about when to start using the men's bathroom. I live in a very liberal area, so as long as I'm in that area, I'm fairly safe in either bathroom. It's just a matter of avoiding awkward confrontations (and staying safe when I go places that aren't as liberal). To those of you who use the bathroom that matches your gender: how did you figure out when you passed well enough to use the right bathroom safely and comfortably?
I was pre-T when I started using the men's room, and I just about shit myself every time I go in. For me, I just tried to hide myself as much as possible to avoid suspicion, even though I thought in the back of my mind I looked like a 14 year old boy and wasn't sure if I "passed'. Something I've learned is that there's sort of this "code" with the bathroom, especially a public men's room. In my experience, nobody's going to be checking you out unless you make yourself suspicious by acting weird. I've also found that nobody's going to question you going into a stall rather than go up to a urinal to do your business. I'm not sure if it's an internal "no homo" thing, but I've yet to run into a situation where someone was checking me out. Even now with all the bullshit that has been going on, I get self-conscious and paranoid about some creeper, but thankfully nothing has happened yet. I've also gotten lucky to have the bathroom all to myself most of the time, but if there's someone in there, I'm usually very quick to make a b line to a stall and do my business or leave and wait a little bit until it clears out. If the idea of going alone worries you, ask a friend to come along with you so you're safe in numbers.
Ive started using men's bathrooms a lot more recently. What I've come to realise is that women are more likely to confront and give you stares whereas in men's you just keep your eyes down, walk in, do your stuff, walk out and you're set. I've mostly used womens or disabled toilets since coming out, especially at college where a lot of people knew me before so I didn't feel comfortable. I don't think it's a matter of passing but if youre confident and walk into men's then people aren't going to second guess you. Like I said, keep your eyes down and get out. I'm 99.9% sure you won't have any confrontation.
