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I'm confused, help?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Smores, Jul 26, 2016.

  1. Smores

    Regular Member

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    I was born a girl and came out as bisexual a few months ago. I was raised in a very strict home with very gender role conforming family. Now that I'm older I'm beginning to wonder if I do identify as simply a girl. I have always hated dresses and makeup or acting like a lady. I also hate gender roles and constantly do things like mow the lawn, take out the trash, move furniture, fix things, etc. Lately, I've been thinking of dressing like a boy, as in binding and doing makeup to make me appear more masculine, mind you I can't even do my own eyeliner. Whenever I think of the possibility of myself being able to pass off as a boy it excites me and makes me happy. However, I still enjoy being a girl and dressing up to make myself feel pretty. I also always thought though that simply putting up my hair in a hat was enough to make me look like a boy and I was disappointed when family told me it didn't. Anyways, I'm just confused and would really appreciate some guidance. Thank you in advance.
     
  2. SystemGlitch

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    It sounds to me that you could be bigender, genderneutral, or genderfluid. It's also possible you're a masculine ciswoman, and that's okay! You could also be a feminine transman, and that's also okay! It's mostly about how you feel and experience your gender.

    If you feel like there are perfectly meshed elements of male and female (and/or other) inside you, your experience is more "neutral" than biased towards either male or female, and possibly you'd prefer to be seen as more androgynous, that to me would suggest you're genderneutral.

    If it feels more like a shift between feminine and masculine - some days you just wanna rock that dress and revel in makeup, others you bind and wear a suit so you can be the most handsome guy that ever strolled through the town - that seems more like genderfluid, where both male and female are there but aren't combined, they're distinct, and your expression shifts between them.

    If that experience happens at the same time - you wanna rock that dress and wear that suit both all at once - that suggests bigender to me, where both male and female are distinct but they're there at the same time; sometimes one is stronger, but they're often both there.

    Gender expression and gender identity don't have to mean the same thing though. You would need to think for a little about whether you are one of those three genders, a masculine ciswoman, a feminine transman, or a different gender entirely. No one else can do that bit for you, I'm afraid - you need to think about what you feel, how it relates to you.

    An important thing to keep in mind is that your pronouns do not determine your gender, not one little bit. If you are uncomfortable with female pronouns, don't like genderneutral pronouns, and want to use only male pronouns, for example, that doesn't stop you from being bigender or genderfluid. Think about what makes you comfortable, what makes you happy, and roll with it. These little "definitions" are by no means concrete, if you feel a particular pull to one or the other but don't quite fit the box, go for it! Your gender is about how you identify, and no one has the right to tell you that your gender is wrong - only you can decide that.