Saw a thread on the sexuality forum talking about people's run-ins with homophobia, and I was curious to see if anyone would like to talk about their run-ins with transphobia. Has anyone ever experienced anything that was deliberately hateful from someone who knew they were trans? For myself, there are two main things that come to mind besides my family misgendering me constantly. The first is what happened when I told my dad I was trans. He just stared at me and then said "Well that really finishes off the family, doesn't it? One married a black, one married an older man with kids, and now you're gonna get a sex change and be a lesbian. I can't believe you'd fail us like that" (The "ones" he talks about are my two sisters). The second is when my 32 year old sister called me both a tr**ny and a he-she. When I tried to explain (very calmly) "you probably didn't realise but that's pretty offensive, please don't call me or other people that" she entered defensive-mode and turned it around as if I was being offensive towards her because I'm "unnatural" and "mentally ill" (I am mentally ill but she meant that being trans is a mental illness, which is no bueno). She did apologise a couple of days later, but... it's still stuck in my brain. I've luckily never had any comments from strangers beyond misgendering, and if I correct them they're generally apologetic and then use the correct pronouns. I live in a fairly progressive area it seems. :eusa_danc
That's so sad and I'm really sorry you had to go through that. We had a trans woman as a student at this school I worked at. When she started presenting as a woman right after high school graduation a couple of the teachers came back to the teacher's room snickering and one of them referred to her as "it." I was about to say something when our trainer stepped up to them and told them they would either gender her correctly or they wouldn't be working there anymore. I mean he was right on top of it without a moment's hesitation. I already thought he was a pretty good person but after that I had even more respect for him.
My biggest fear about coming out to my family is them not necessarily being transphobic, because I don't think they would be like that but they would try to convince me not to transition. Or even belittle how I feel.
I'm not sure if this classes as ''trans''phobia since I'm NB but I'll put it here. A guy [who is trans] at an LGBT youth club refuses to call me by ''they'' pronouns. It's not accidental like some people at the club, because the way he looks at me after saying the pronouns to which I was assigned at birth, he knows what he's doing. I mean, he's trans, so he should know what it's like to be called by the wrong pronouns - so why's he doing it to others [?].
Using "it" is the most dehumanising thing, I hate it when people do that. :bang: It's good that your trainer stuck up for her, we need more people who are willing to stand up for other's comfort and safety. That was a big fear I had as well. My mom was like that at first, but after I spoke to her about how it made me feel to be shoved into the "female" box, she started to slowly understand why this was so important to me. I hope that some day soon you'll be safe to come out and that they'll understand and support you like any loving family should. Good luck friend. I'm sorry you have to deal with that... I know a few NB peeps who have had issues with trans people misgendering them as well. It doesn't make sense in my head for someone who knows how awful it feels to do it to others. I really hope that you have more luck with your pronouns in the future, and that non-binary gender identities gain more exposure and understanding.
