Ok so I'm approximately 16 and was born female. However, I don't know if I identify that way anymore. Throughout my life I hated being called a girly girl or looking overly girly. I always thought that tying up my hair was enough to make me look like a male and I was always inexplicably disappointed when I was told it didn't. When asked who the man of the house was I would always tell people I was. I absolutely despise gender norms but my family expects the girls to have long hair and look pretty and cool and clean. I, however, have always balanced things like cleaning and mowing the lawn. Recently, I discovered binding and tried it out around the house. When I did it made me very excited, even the thought of it makes me very happy. The more I think about it the more I think I would like to be a guy. However, I still enjoy being a girl. As for my breasts, I wish they would be either large like most girls in my family or small so I would seem more masculine. As for genitalia, I would enjoy having male genitalia but I also don't want to rid myself of what I have now. Lastly, I worry that maybe I'm talking myself into this. That maybe I'm just convincing myself I identify as something different. These emotions never surfaced before but now they are making me think about things I never dreamed I would have to worry about. I'm honestly really confused and would really appreciate any advice or help. Thank you in advance for your time.
Hi there, and welcome to EC! I'm pretty new here myself, so I'm sorry if I'm not too helpful. I feel the same way for almost every point you've made. I too am afab and have been questioning my identity and have grown up in a household with strict gender roles. I'm not completely sure about myself yet, but every day I try and ask myself the same question or I listen to how I feel. Are there days where you feel female, male, neither, etc.? Or how strong are each of these feelings over time? Try to explore the different labels, if you feel you need or want one, and see what may fit. You don't need to stick to just one and can change anytime because it's about how you feel. I'm not sure what to say in regards to how you feel about having certain parts, since I only ever feel the need for a flatter chest, so I hope someone can shed more light on this. I recommend looking at terms such as transmasculine or demifluid perhaps. (Also, what did you try to bind with? I'm having a tough time with that lately.) And trust me, I know how it feels to question whether or not I'm making it up. I still do on those days where I feel particularly feminine, but as I remind myself, I do change between feeling male or any other identity--which leads me to go down the gender or demifluid route. Just take your time and identify how you feel over time and how comfortable you may feel telling someone else or identifying a certain way to others. It is perfectly OK to question your gender identity, and I wish you the best of luck in discovering who you are. When it gets down to it, no matter how you feel, you are still you and I doubt any of us here would trade anything for that. Oh, sorry about this wall of text that probably wasn't the most helpful; I just wanted to let you know plenty of us likely feel the same, including me. Good luck!
Hey! Of course, no one but yourself can really know what your gender is. You might not know and that's okay! But from what you said, it sounds like you might be bigender. That's when some days you're a boy, some days you're a girl, and some days you're both at the same time.
