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Im so confused, am i trans? what if im wrong?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Whatismylife, Aug 5, 2016.

  1. Whatismylife

    Whatismylife Guest

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    Im really confused about my gender identity, Im 16 bio- Female and for the last few months iv been really confused to the point that im thinking about it 24/7. I think i might be Trans. I want to be a boy and be seen as one but iv always known myself as female, iv had the passing thought a few times over the years like am i trans but then i just dismissed it and have the occasional thought of dam i wish i was a dude. but this time it came into my head it won't leave no matter what i do. I thought of it and then part of me went dude i think you are but another part went you cant be a boy your a girl you've been a girl for 16 years of your life but the more i think about it the more confused and more sure i get i look back at my childhood and things that i didn't think were connected are piecing together but i cant shake the thought of i cant be but i cant find any reasons why it must be false besides iv always been a girl and lots for why i think i might be trans though the reasons are probably stupid, I don't like my boobs sometimes im so disgusted i cant touch them without feeling nauseous i get jealous when i see all the guys with their flat chests and skinny frames and flat stomachs and the clothes they get to wear, I feel jealous of FTMs and i relate to males in tv and book and stuff not females and i want to be like them almost as if i want to be them and i wear a sports bra to flatten my chest and i have bought a binder and wear it whenever i can it makes me happy and i got my hair cut short and it just fits me much better like i feel happier and more myself and i cant stand when people call me lady or woman or call me pretty and when i get mistaken for a guy i feel great and i hate dresses and skirts and 'girly' things since i have started thinking i might be trans my dysphoria has gotten so much worse i didn't used to get genital dysphoria but now i do coz i realise that i will never actually be fully male no matter who much i try or want it i will never be 100% biologically male and i used to be fine with people saying she/ her but now it just pisses me off but im only realising this now. every time i start to think of myself as male or think maybe i am trans and maybe i am a boy i think about my body and the way people see me and i realise that im a girl, i feel like im just faking it in some way like i have somehow convinced myself to feel a certain way.
    Sorry this is such a mess im just really confused. i want to accept it but i cant its gotten to the point where i just want it to go away i just want to stop feeling like this but a part of me is holding onto it and i think i would be disappointed if i wasn't trans, i have been considering telling my mum and coming out (i have actually planned it out) so i can wear the boy uniform at school but what if im wrong what if im not trans.
    sorry this is so long
    why cant i accept it?:bang::dry::icon_sad:
     
  2. Synesthesia

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    I relate to quite a bit of this.

    If you could wake up tomorrow as biologically male, would anything hold you back?
     
  3. Whatismylife

    Whatismylife Guest

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    I dont think anything would hold me back but i dont want to be trans i just want to be a boy
     
  4. shialaduck

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    My advice is just be yourself and don't hold back. Do what makes you happy. Sounds like you might be FTM, trans masculine or Demiboy, but you don't need a label just be yourself :slight_smile:
     
  5. Jiramanau

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    There's no such thing as trans enough, no requirement beyond being unhappy or uncomfortable in your birth gender. You can pick whatever label YOU FEEL describes you best. You can wear whatever YOU want. Do your thing, and pick a label YOU'RE happy with.

    I went through the same thing, trying to balance what I feel with what I thought everyone else was thinking. Trying different labels, thinking it mattered. In the end the label is more about telling people how you want to be treated than describing your mannerisms and fashion preferences.
     
  6. rainbowsun

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    I'd say just give yourself some time, maybe try changing your pronouns or name, wear more 'male' clothing etc. and see where it takes you, see how it makes you feel
    as the others have said, you don't need to label yourself and whatever you feel is right!
    I can relate to some of what you're saying, and for me personally it's been great to just change some things like my name (I had people call me a more male abbreviation of my given name)
    but everyone is different, what works for me might not work for you, just give yourself time