this is so confusing for me.. i don't know where to begin! i always was so unhappy with myself and i have social anxiety.. i could never have any relationship with any guy because i always felt so terrible with myself and i don't know yet why this is happening.. even now when i'm around guys like ANY guy i'm so uncomfortable and anxious and i think it's because i have to act somehow more girly because of the guys and i hate that...i think i hate that i'm not a strong guy and i'm just a little girl..that is what gives me anxiety..because when i'm with my friends (girls) i'm fine (i'm kinda tomboy) i find guys attractive.. but i can't do anything with them. because i can't see myself with a guy and me being the "girl" in the relationship...just NOT! haha i like girls of course and i identify as lesbian now but my problem is my feelings about guys and the anxiety i feel around them.. help =(
You don't need to be "the girl" in the relationship at all, there are plenty of guys who would be happy to have you be YOU. I'm a guy but I prefer a more feminine role in a relationship, I'd be fine with a female partner assuming a stereotypically masculine role. Don't let this hold you back from men if it's the only reason. If you experience attraction but just find it difficult to act on that attraction because of how society expects you to be, then I'd think you're more bisexual or homoflexible. For the anxiety you feel around men, it's kind of understandable. Women are basically told from a young age that men are stronger and "better", which isnt' true - it can cause somewhat of an inferiority complex. Especially as you don't "conform" to the expectations of a teen girl being ultra girly. It might be an idea to see a therapist and see if they can help you overcome the anxiety and self-image issues. You seem like a fine young adult, it'd be horrible to see you force yourself into a box or remain anxious because of society's idiocy. :/
I don't exactly have anxiety around blokes, because I see them as my peers. I'm more likely to open up to women, but that's ingrained in anyone because of the mother child relationship. I'm more aware of my fall downs in not being a Cis man when talking to blokes, and it annoys me that I work so hard to have a masculine appearance and the voice that comes out of my mouth is a woman's. It also gives me massive dysphoria when talking to a bloke with facial hair because I feel inferior. And when they acknowledge I'm biological female (pronouns etc). My name has even started to anger me. I think you may be confusing sexuality and gender in your head a bit? But they are related so I get it. Anyone has a natural attraction to confidence and I gravitate towards guys with confidence because it's what I want to be. I am confident but I would be more so as a man.
Interesting. Being attracted to guys doesn't mean you aren't a lesbian, my partner and I both find women sexually attractive, he's a gay(ish) man and I'm a pansexul trans girl (woman is a title I don't believe I've yet earned), neither of us would want a relationship with a cis female and according to cultural expectations we shouldnt work, and yet we make a great couple. Point is, don't let your label define you, or think that every aspect of your personality means something. Just be yourself and enjoy it.
