In the last time, I've gained muscle but feel increasingly uncomfortable due to my slow progress. I feel a lot of rivalry with cis men. They are far more muscular than I can be currently. Makes me feel...disabled, not manly enough. How can I focus more on what I have already achieved? Currently all I see is where I am too slim and all the body fat that makes me look feminine. I even thought about a diet to lose body fat, though my top priority must be to gain mass, as I am still slightly underweight. How can I be content enough to pracrastinate the (in my opinion) very necessary diet?
This is something I am familiar with. I'm obsessed with bodybuilding and increasing muscle. It takes me a while to gain muscle and see results. Standing next to Cis men in the weight room really challenges my notion of self and being content with my progress. How easily they retain that swollen and vascular look, while I put in everything I've got and more. My effort is definitely above and beyond the average Cis male gym goer. But I find myself feeling angry and jealous of their manliness...while I'm stood there, red faced and being referred to as a lady.
Well, I kind of feel that way too, but you know what, strength is just one of many possible advantages that there can be physically, or otherwise. There is plenty of cis men who are not too fit, didn't have luck with that. But it doesn't make them less valuable people or men in any way. Think of Franz Kafka. Or about the nerdy guys. I mean, we all know how un-cool nerds are, how society approaches nerdy guys as unmanly, and nerdy girls as unfeminine, but not everyone has to be a jock
Oh, that's bad. If I wear the right clothes I can pass at least. All normal guys lift maybe 60kg, I lift 17 kg. Man, I feel weak. Even worse that I am an ectomorph, that's the nice word for beanpole.
I personally am a nerd (Tensors? Differential equations? Bring it on!), that's why I bring it up. But e.g. a friend of mine is thin as a stick and plays the piano. And he's awsome. And another one is a vegetarian, constantly goes on about his dog and is smaller than I am. I wouldn't call them unmanly, though. Those two guys are pretty tough. ---------- Post added 12th Aug 2016 at 05:47 AM ---------- I had to sit and reassure the piano dude that he's perfectly good looking once ---------- Post added 12th Aug 2016 at 05:50 AM ---------- I also struggle with the "You're a woman, you're weak, face it!", but it's such a pointless thought... It's one of those thoughts that are from the "Look, I'm beating myself up!" box. ---------- Post added 12th Aug 2016 at 05:55 AM ---------- All it does is making me feel bad, nothing beyond, that's why it's a wrong thought. No motivation added, nothing. Just bringing down. People are different. Embrace you. Be you. I am a nerd and that's my value. Society needs both nerds and jocks, and everyone else. Different things need to be done. And that's okey and good. I don't know what you are, but you can for sure find your self if you look for it.
I think the struggle with perceived masculinity is that size is everything. And to try and live up to those images is very difficult. I may look in the mirror and think "whoah looking big" but stick me in a room of blokes and I'm puffing out my chest and seeing if my arms compare.
I think it's worth sharing, it just came to my mind. There is a character in manga and anime, Major Motoko Kusanagi. She's one of my favourite characters ever so far. She is a cyborg, i.e. has a human brain enhanced with cybernetics, and a fully artificial body. She had an accident when she was a child, so she had to be transplanted into an artificial body, and it made her unusually good at using cyborg bodies, so good that she became a member of special police forces. It also made her a great hacker. She doesn't even identify as a woman, but a soldier, and prefers to have a female body because it's more agile. Do you fight, guys? I do, and if you go into it, then really, being big had upsides and downsides. Look at all those Asian men who rock at martial arts. The senpai in my dojo is reeeally small. And he maybe can't lift 60 kg, but ... it doesn't really matter, he's awsome at other things.
There is more to masculinity than just muscle mass. I worked with a dude who is a gymoholic, works out every day, ate a very strict diet... Biggest loser and unmanliest guy I know. He treats everyone poorly, over compensates in all areas of his life. The other thing to keep in mind is this; those body builders, the really cut lean dudes are not as strong as the guys that do strong man competitions. There is a huge difference between being cut and being strong. My advice, focus on being fit and healthy. And on being a gentleman. Hold the door for people, take your hat off indoors. Treat everyone with respect, from the janitor to the CEO. Be confidant and you will find you are more of a man, than many men claim to be.
Social decorum is a must but focus on how you can overcome your angst in comparing to a Cis man. I think it's too reductive to presume you can overcome this by putting your best foot forward with a smile! Not as simple as that. But be true to yourself and nobody can fault you. As a side note; I've lifted for 6 years bother powerlifting and bodybuilding. Common misconception that bodybuilders aren't strong - I can pull over 100kg for 4 sets and push 140kg for 4 sets which is almost double my body weight. I'm technically a bodybuilder. Interesting how people take an opinion and solidify it as fact.
The weight conversion was easy, but the terms, you lost me. Push, I am guessing is bench press. Pull, is that where you sit and pull the bar straight down using the lateral muscles or like a dead lift and you pull the weight straight up? I can manage my body weight in bench press which is 270 lbs or 122 kg I hauled garbage for 5 plus years so most of my strength is basically lifting dead weight. I can manage 300 lbs or 136 kgs max, but average bag weight was 70-100 lbs, 31-45 kgs. And that was for 6 hours a day, people throw out so much trash. The guys I am talking about pull train locomotives and press well over 600 lbs, 270 kgs. I apologize as I didn't mean to sound like body builders are weak, just their work out regime and their end goal is different than people focused purely on physical strength. Both groups work hard, but their focus is different. Compare their physical build and you'll see what I mean. https://www.google.com/search?q=who...ved=0ahUKEwifq4GR5r_OAhUCKGMKHbHKCEoQ_AUICCgD https://www.google.com/search?q=bod...ved=0ahUKEwjR0dmU57_OAhUNxmMKHeJwBk0Q_AUIBigB
Yeah, maybe I should focus more more on what I can achieve with that muscle. Originally it was part of the goal to get in shape and start parcour and maybe martial arts again. After a while I noticed my punches getting stronger. I am a gentleman already and have an extreme sense of honor. Like I would come from 19th century It's getting a little better, but I think it will start again. I have a very competetive nature, even as a kid I was that way. How could it ever be possible that I will not feel weak compared to other guys? Currently I want a body like RDJ in Sherlock Holmes. But if I achieved that, I think I will not stick with it. Either I get my muscle defined like Bruce Lee or bulk up til Wolverine level.
Although now that I realize I am trans, I mostly envy other trans guys imagining what I could have some day, before I came to terms with being trans, I was openly and privately very competitive with cis guys. I would compare my leg hair to them a lot and be like haha I'm hairier than you. Or I would wrestle drunkenly a lot when I was much younger. Privately, at the gym and stuff I would always look at how much other guys are lifting and make sure I'm comparable.
Hee hee, I fun fight too. With my dad, and friends. Arm wrestling happened to me about twice It wasn't as cool as fun fighting, because I can't win, but fighting, yeah, I'm quick at least
I hope this makes you feel better, but CIS men go through the exact same struggle. I also think that in the majority, that many people in general, compete with others to better themselves. Humans are by nature a competitive animal, this is why we evolved as we are today and other bipedal subspecies went extinct. I am a MTF/Transfeminine person. I feel the same when I see a cis woman wearing something cute and I imagine myself wearing what she is wearing and knowing that except for a few places and the privacy of my own home, that I will never be able to wear that. I know how frustrating it can be to try and compete with other guys when it comes to strength and athletic prowess, I spent my entire middle and high school years playing football and wrestling. The feeling that you need to be stronger and faster can really get into your head growing up. I've seen many CIS women become very muscular and tone, it is just a matter of doing the right type of workout that will get you a good result. Good luck to you dude.
@emerry: I sometimes win at arm wresting and once challenged a bodybuilder in a pushup competition. He did a lot and I knew I would lose, so I did the pushups on my fist and said: This is how real men do their push-ups. I lost, but left him impressed @stoutdriver: It does make me feel better indeed. I know you girls gotta carry your package too. Always look slim and so. And damn, you gotta do lots of cardio or don't eat anything that tastes well. Kinda cheers me up when I think about it, I can eat as much chocolate as I want, because I need to gain mass anyway that's the advantage of expactations to men ^^
Hey Kal! I went through the same thing when I was trying to be a cis guy. In fact, your original post is EXACTLY how I felt! My best friend got into weightlifting and strength training and he got huge and strong. We were hanging out with a lot of gym types and powerlifters. Even the AFAB lifters were taking steroids. It was muscle-y. I never did the steroids because I didn't want to and illegal and all that, but I did try desperately to get natural gains. I gained a lot really fast then peaked, but I NEVER put on any muscle to speak of. I guess I kind of toned up, but I'm just genetically slender boned and mass-resistant. The only things I've been really good at as far as athletic type things go are sprinting and dancing. I'm fast and graceful, but I will never be a hulk. Or even a Batman. At the same time I was and still am really into sports where women compete. I love surfing and skateboarding and those don't require size. Swimming, diving, gymnastics and yes... figure skating. Oh, and tennis. I love tennis. I realized after all of my struggles with body image and trying to be masculine that I couldn't and shouldn't, but then I was stuck with this idea I would never be feminine, either. Luckily, I had these women as role models and I was able to get over that mistaken idea really quickly. Anyway, coming at it from that side and also from being around cis male guys way into getting strong and gaining mass, I think a lot of people feel the same as you do whatever their identity or gender journey. It's so hard to be satisfied with your body when you get imagery telling you whatever you do is wrong. When really, whatever you do is so right! I think it's really cool you challenge yourself like that. While getting down about things we can't do isn't healthy, challenging and competing within proportionate response is. You can push yourself to meet standards and goals you set and reward yourself when you win. Just don't punish yourself if you don't!
Wish I could parcour... sadly I don't have the speed for it. I can help you move furniture all day, but the quick stuff I just get left behind lol. I've been interested in martial arts, but I never have steady enough hours to make it to a class. One Tuesday might be 7 hours and the next is 14. I hate committing to things if I know I'll miss part of it.
