For the past few months I've had fairly mild dysphoria. It was definitely there, but it wasn't horrible. Now, it suddenly feels so much more intense. It's been like this for a few days. It probably has to do with the fact that I told my parents I am nonbinary, and they weren't mad, but it just didn't sink in. They keep saying that I'm still young and figuring things out, and I understand that, but they kept arguing with me about my identity. They kept saying that they don't think I'm really trans, that I'm just growing up. I also chopped off my hair with scissors, but not as short as I wanted bc I was afraid. Of course when we went to get it fixed, I wasn't even allowed to cut it above my ears. I now have a poofball, chinlength semibob that looks so horribly feminine. My parents keep asking why my haircut is such a big deal, even though I've explained over and over that it's about gender, not just a style choice. I literally just cried in the bathroom bc of the mirror. All this stuff piling up suddenly makes me so hyperaware of how girly I look. Every time I'm reminded of my appearance, there are tears in my eyes and I feel disgusting. There's no way for me to look more masculine. I'm still 14 and my parents have control. I know someday I'll be free, but right now I feel like there's no way out and I'll be trapped like this forever. I hate this and I don't know why I'm like this. I wish I could just disappear.
How about styling products into a more tame style? Some hair clay or wax to sweep it back in a bed head style (Jon Snow GoT).
Is there any way you could cut your hair yourself again so that you have to go to a proper hairdresser and get it fixed? That way it would be shorter. The first hairdresser I went to to get my long hair cut short refused to cut it the length I wanted to I completely understand the feel of the 'shitty puffball' thing on your head. It doesn't make you feel good. I'd say that if you can try to get your hair cut. My partents weren't completely on board at first but once it's off, it's off. Plus hair grows, remind them of that. They would get used to it after a couple of weeks, they'd get over you cutting it off. You have to do what makes you happy sometimes, despite the potential consequences.
Remind them it is just hair and it will grow out. You are 14, that's all the reason you need for your hair cut to be so important. Dye it an odd color, put enough moose or hair gel in it to make a Mohawk. Teens do that kind of stuff all the time... The Mohawk might be a bit much, its a hard look to pull off for either gender. I would't advise the chop it yourself route, maybe phone a friend in on that one. Thought that might get you and your friend in trouble. And while it's not the way you might want to do it, but it might get you farther: remind them you are still young and trying to figure things out. You sort of agree with them in a round about way but you still get the "style" you want by looking less girly. Boys have a different "style" than girls, replace "gender" with "style" and suddenly you are winning more than just banging your head against the wall. The English language is vast and some times complicated, just change how you word your requests and you might be surprised.
i totally understand about the haircut. I have had an awful time arguing with hairdressers who refused to clipper my hair because thats "not for girls" according to them. I know its frustrating...but you know its only a matter of time ....and its something to look forward to: that day you get to make your own choice. Independance rocks. I now use a barber who just gives me a standard gents cut no questions asked. Yay(-: Someday you will too....so just hang in there. Say how about a (guys)hat or cap? It can really change the way you look.
