ftm confusion and doubt (pls help!)

I think that if you feel this way, that's what that counts. I can't see how trying to pursue your own happiness should invalidate the paths of other people: no-one can read your mind and say you're not trans enough

Also, many trans or cis people have doubts, so don't judge yourself too hard

 

I'll give you the same advice someone gave me that really helped me out. Imagine you had to live the rest of your life alone in a room. Nobody to impress, no society forcing roles or stereotypes on you, just you. If you had to live that way, would you want to live as male or female (or somewhere in between)?

Thinking about it that way helped me make sure I wasn't just identifying as trans to be part of a group or because I wanted something to complain about.

 

I relate enormously to what you said, kjy. Like all of it. Hang in there, and don't hesitate to message me if you ever want/need to talk. And thanks Lily and Oliver for your replies, they helped me out a lot, even though I'm not the original poster haha <3

 

This sounds exactly like me so I'm not sure how much help I can be since I still have a lot of those doubts myself. I do think dysphoria presents itself in different ways for different people, and I theorize that the reason I didn't have a lot of specific dysphoria before questioning was I didn't know I had other options. I knew basically nothing about trans people, especially transmen. I felt vaguely uncomfortable and ugly all the time, and i idolized guys, but I had no idea that I could live as a guy, get rid of my boobs, etc. So it would never have occurred to me that those things were the problem. Some people "just know" that they want a flat chest, or to look like a man, and some don't until they realize it's something they can actually accomplish. Both ways are perfectly fine and just because you couldn't really figure it out before doesn't mean you're making it up.

 

There's a lot going on in your post so I'm gonna be sure to try and address all parts of it because I know how you feel and it took me a long long time to work through it all.

-Guilt about 'making up being trans' to be 'cool' and 'edgy'.
--Honestly I think we all go through something like this at some point. Whether it's about the exact same thing or some other type of 'faking it' or 'not trans enough' mentality it all boils down to the same thing. Because we're taught that people aren't actually trans, we're also taught that being trans is just a fashion statement or a new trend teenagers are getting into. We're never told that being trans is a (common enough) option that we can choose. Societies in general nowadays operate on guilt, the people in charge make 'different' people feel guilty by making social norms in order to try to control us. (I'm really watering this down but that's the basis of it).
Don't worry about how guilty you feel. You're not living for other people. You're living for yourself, you are who comes first in your own life. Don't let what you think other people will think about you make you feel down, because they don't know you. People will think what they want, no matter what you do, and you can't change that. So be happy with yourself from the inside. Don't feel guilty. You are perfect.

-Dysphoria
--People experience different levels of dysphoria. For some people it's debilitating, other people don't have any at all. It's also completely normal for your levels of dysphoria to get worse or get easier depending on situations/times of the year/basically anything. Dysphoria is NOT a requirement for being trans. It just is a good indicator that you are.

-Misgendering yourself
--Okay, I've been out as trans for 8 years and i STILL misgender myself all the time. You've only been at this for a couple months, it's totally normal to be doing this. You're not going to rewrite a lifetime of memories and associations in an instant. It's something you have to relearn and teach yourself not to do. And even when you think you have it down, you'll do it again. And that's okay. No one is perfect.

-Being a femme guy
--Heyya. I'm also a femme guy. One of my classmates is a femme trans guy. I know tons and tons of femme trans guys and that's totally okay. It's a rockin' way to experience your gender and your presentation. You're not alone.

 

Haha, that's the power of the forum. Helping out each other