Lately I've been having a lot of fears surrounding transitioning. It feels like I'd be hiding this big secret to everyone and I don't know if I can hold it in. Its like to stigma of once being a female will always be around me no matter how much I want it to go away. Bathrooms especially scare me. I feel paranoid using them, when I go into the females bathroom I feel like I'm invading, especially if I have my packer on. If I go into the males bathroom I'm scared of someone finding out or noticing that I'm wearing a packer. Its all paranoia but it's really impacting me. I don't want to feel like I'm hiding this big secret, I feel almost guilty for it. I feel my past as a female is constantly lurking over me, keeping me back from expressing myself (if any of that makes sense.) I honestly don't know what to do, I just want it to go away.
Why do you feel like you need to keep it a secret? Are you not in a safe place to be out about being trans or do you just feel like it'd be a secret you're keeping from strangers? Because if it's the latter, I would say don't feel bad about hiding that from strangers because that's not information they need to know. You don't know the medical history of every person you walk past in the restroom, so why should they know yours? I don't know how to make your feelings go away, other than to just really dedicate lots of time into going through them. I know i've had my fair share of that sort of fear and guilt, and I guarantee others have too. But really, being trans isn't a huge issue. It's not some big deal, and people go through plenty of things in their lives that not everyone has to be involved with.
