Im trying to figure out my gender identity, again. I dont want to imagine what life will be like for me, 10 years down the road. Im a female at birth, yet Im 100% sure I dont want to have children, dont want to wear makeup or skirts. Heck, i dont even want to have long hair. Yet at the same time, Im sure I dont want to transition to a male either. I feel like, my breasts actually mean something to me (even if I dont care about them most of the time, me being flat chested makes me extremely self conscious). I dont want to gain muscles or grow tons of body hair or become sweaty (sorry for overgeneralization) and what not. Im just very clueless, i know i dont fit in the binary section. Yet im not sure what i fit into, and what i should do in order to make sure i dont grow into an awkward and confused person in the future. I do notice that whenever i daydream i almost always imagine myself as a guy, and when i was younger i gave myself a nickname called "David". At this moment, I dont even know if that means anything. Usually though, i just present myself as a very neutral person. I dont have a lot of clothes (i struggle to find those that i like and would actually look good on me), so i find those that are unisex just to be safe. Any insights or thoughts will be appreciated. Maybe im just overthinking and maybe im really "just a female" lmao.
Do you have any issues ever with being referred to as female? And would you like people to see you as a guy? The daydreaming and name thing might point to you being non-binary, I wouldn't say the first two paragraphs do at all since obviously masculine women exist.
It sounds like you have alot of soul-searching ahead of you. Transition isn't always about hating your body and hormones are not a requirement. Some people who felt the exact same as you end up transitioning, others don't. I used to know a masculine women who identify as female but had top surgery. There is no wrong option except letting yourself be unhappy. I would suggest trying things like dressing/presenting as male. Start with one outfit and see where it goes.
Obviously only you can know the sum total of who you are, but from what you've written here, you don't sound trans at all. All of the "female" things that you reject in your first paragraph are merely society's expectations for feminine gender expression and don't have anything to do with individual gender identity at all. Being trans is the experience of having the brain, including the brain-body map, of one gender, while being born with the body of the other. Given all of the male body things that you reject in your second paragraph, it does not sound like you have a man's body map. From what you've written here, it sounds like you are probably cis with a more masculine or neutral gender expression.
I think they know they're not binary trans, in fact that's obvious like you say and they even said that in their post. They're asking if they are non-binary and it still doesn't really sound like it if they're completly comfortable with their female parts and being percieved as female (they haven't clarified that yet though.)
There's nothing wrong with forging your own path. Plenty of us don't fit neatly into 'Male' or 'Female' categories, and from that realization the way to be ourselves is up to us. Although I'm not entirely sure what you mean when you say you don't want to end up 'awkward' or 'confused'; I think it's important to know that it's okay to not fit in anywhere. Words that have been made by the transgender community have been made by individuals to represent themselves, and everyone's different. I don't think just by not exactly knowing where you fit in now, you'll end up being a weird old person. Ultimately, I think it just boils down to accepting yourself. It's okay to like parts of yourself that other people don't, and to not like other parts. It's okay to not want to transition in the ways we're taught dfab trans people should.
I appreciate all of your comments. Really, thanks for taking the time to write the responses. I dont have any issues being referred to as a female, or at least, i dont feel dysphoric when people use the "she/her" pronouns. Sometimes i do choose a male persona online but i actually feel "sick". Its a complex feeling of not being myself, yet also not wanting to come out as a biological female either. So i pretty much stay as an ambivalent gender and drop subtle hints here and there, being reluctant to confirm it. I do think the only reason i have started to tell others that im biologically female is because i feel as though its a way of attracting other homoromantic females. Derailing a bit there^ Oh yeah and also, i just ordered some masculine clothing, ill see how it goes when they arrive ;o although in all honesty, i chose the more unisex clothing since im not out yet (i still live with my conservative parents) and the society im living in hasnt even legalized the same sex marriages. Its true that i might be having a different interpretation of what a "female" should be. I feel as if its one that conforms to societal norms. I mean, if i chose to present myself as female, arent i expected to wear skirts, make up, become a mother, etc? Itd be painful to be subjected to peer pressure when you will be the only "woman" in your clique who doesnt do any of that, and possibly become the source of ridicule. That is also what i mean by me being "awkward" 10 years down the road. (Although, im already sticking out like a sore thumb already in my class. I would like to figure out if its my brain wiring - hence why im confused if its related to my internal gender, or my personality - whether i am simply born ecentric and thus think differently.) I do agree that i dont always have to consider transition, but im just thinking if there are at least ways to solve this "issue". Im sure this kind of thing doesnt bug cisgenders so much, because they have it "figured out" - they know how best to express their gender and they feel happy doing it.
