I need some advice, for the past few months i have been very confused about my gender. I really want to be a boy, im not sure if this makes me trans it just seems so farfetched how could i be transgender.I want to be a boy and be seen as one but iv always known myself as female, iv had the passing thought a few times over the years like am i trans but then i just dismissed it but this time it came into my head it won't leave no matter what i do. I thought of it and then part of me went dude i think you are but another part went you cant be a boy your a girl you've been a girl for 16 years of your life but the more i think about it the more confused and more sure i get i look back at my childhood and things that i didn't think were connected are piecing together but i cant shake the thought of i cant be but i cant find any reasons why it must be false besides iv always been a girl. It has been on my mind 24/7 for months and im still confused. I see my school councillor and she said she sees no signs that this is the wrong path for me. I have wanted to be a boy for years, it started as a casual 'i wish i was a guy' and the older i have gotten the more instant the thought has become, now im jealous of cis guys FTMs and all other male identifying individuals, i have dysphoria about my chest i always saw my boobs as useless lumps of fat and the older i get and the more i think about me being trans the more uncomfortable i become with them sometimes i cant touch them without feeling nauseous, if i can feel them there i dont like it. the thought of having sex as female makes me uncomfortable and disappointed and i hate being 'girly' there is nothing feminine about me besides my body, i never fit in as girl, i hate dresses they just seem 'wrong' when i see myself in them. i have experimented with my gender since questioning i have bound my chest, packed, been more masculine, none of this seems wrong the more i do it more i want to do it more and all the time, i hate being called lady and woman and i hate when people say you will make a good wife, and the thought of being pregnant and giving birth to a kid makes me feel wrong and uncomfortable. since i have started thinking i might be trans my dysphoria has gotten so much worse i didn't used to get genital dysphoria but now i do coz i realise that i will never actually be fully male no matter who much i try or want it i will never be 100% biologically male i dont want to be trans i just want to be a cis guy.i used to be fine with people saying she/ her but now it just pisses me off and i like getting mistaken as a boy or if some says u look like a boy i feel happy and proud but im only realising this now. every time i start to think of myself as male or think maybe i am trans and maybe i am a boy i think about my body and the way people see me and i realise that im a girl, i feel like im just faking it in some way like i have somehow convinced myself to feel a certain way. Sorry this is so long im just really confused. i want to accept it but i cant its gotten to the point where i just want it to go away i just want to stop feeling like this but a part of me is holding onto it and i think i would be disappointed if i wasn't trans, i came out to my mum the other day but im still scared, what if im wrong what if im not trans. sorry this is so long why cant i accept it?
From what you've said, you could very well be trans. Maybe you should try and talk to a gender therapist?
Yeah, you sound transgender. As for accepting it, just know that if you are trans, it's perfectly natural and not your fault. If you're a boy, you're a boy. Oh, yeah, and like Rickystarr said, talking to a gender therapist might help. Good luck (*hug*)
It is ok to have trouble accepting being transgender. Its a process that takes a long time and for some people, the hardest part is accepting it. If you feel like you should be a boy then you're a boy in my books. You just need to take deep breaths and try not to overthink it. Being trans isn't the same as being biologically male no, but it is extremely close and it's better to be trans and feel more like yourself rather than looking and feeling uncomfortable in your own body. I can say as a trans guy myself that I feel way better now then I did when I was a teenager. I may still wish I had just been born a guy but I am loving the person I am now. Do what Rickystarr said and go see a gender therapist. That can go a long way towards helping you sort out what you feel and think. You sound like a boy to me though!
I had pretty much the same thoughts when I really started questioning and I'm still trying to process them. I think it's a common thing, especially the denial aspect of it. I mean, we've been told our whole lives that we're girls and there is no other option, so of course it's difficult to let ourselves accept this new identity. But I think if you're having those kind of thoughts (especially over such a long period of time) you're probably not cis. Like Patrick said, a visit to the gender therapist would be a great idea.
You said exactly like me when I was 15. I knew, but I didn't really realize it. Deep down I knew I wasn't cis, but I really needed it to hit me in the face to understand. As they said, go see a gender therapist, and if you want stuff like hormones and surgery, look into it. Depending of your state or country (I don't know how it is in Australia), it can take a long time to get things going. Good luck to you!
