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Need advice...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Xey, Aug 28, 2016.

  1. Xey

    Xey
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    Hello,
    For most my life ive been accepting of my Birth gender "male" but despite my physical masculinity... how do I put it... I have always felt like my ideas and beliefs would be shockingly different than people who were also male... as well as minor but consistant behavioral differences in what I liked to do or act... but ive never been really extremely feminine in the way I see people describing... like I can relate in many ways and I was never really the most masculine... Ill try to explain better: I havent ever really felt like I quite fit in the way most guys do, and I could tell a lot of differences... but im also not itching to try on a diamond necklace or anything... aka not masculine but not super girly either if that makes sence...

    I have also at times looked at girls and envyed them... Like they lucked out and I got the short end of the stick... that I wish I could have just been born like them... My problem is now that I've started looking back at my life... and things ive done and thought... and what I want for the future... I can't help but think now that I would be happier if I was born as a girl... and often think about it... when it comes to my body... the way I was raised and the things I was taught kinda made me see it as "normal" but now Im not so sure... and after putting a lot of thought into it I can't help but think something about me is wrong... when I look in the mirror its like its not "me" Im looking at... Instead I see a mistake... that I shouldnt be this way... and it makes me sad and a little angry...

    Of course all this plus so much more has made me begin to really consider if I am transgender or not... and I've really been struggling to try to find an answer... so... any thoughts?
     
  2. Rickystarr

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    Nothing you've said really points explicitly to you being trans. Except for the mistake thing. But having a less masculine thought process or interests doesn't make you trans. However like you've said, there must be more to it than that or you wouldn't be here questioning. Do you have parts of your body you have a problem with? Does it bother you being referred to as male? How long have you felt this way?
     
  3. Dingdang

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    That's almost exactly how I was a few years ago, and now I'm already transitioning so I can live my life as a girl. But in the end, you are the only judge. If you choose to transition, you must be aware that the process is rather difficult, so ask yourself if it's worth it. I asked myself if I would want to live as a male for the rest of my life, and I told myself that I would face almost any obstacle to guarantee that I live as a female. If you're okay with living as a male, then ask yourself if you can tolerate the struggle to transition. If yes, and you have motivation, then you could be transgender.
     
  4. Xey

    Xey
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    (Heads up sorry for this reply being so long but I felt I needed to put enough detail in to make my point)

    I was a little vague with my original post ''I wrote it late at night so I was a tad tired'', but yes there is more to it... some of it has to do with events and some is up to.. for lack of a better term... sense of self... and other things as well... but I will attempt to elaborate... basically for the longest time.. way before I started to think I might be transgender... I always had this feeling something was ''off'' at the time I usually passed it off as a phase or maybe that I was just weird or something... but now that I think on it... the feeling has stayed rather consistent... its hard to describe but imagine this... think of a large puzzle and it has a bunch of pieces that all have a place but I am the one piece that never really fit anywhere... I found also often times I would get along better with girls more so than guys.. it was like they often shared more things in common and I could talk to them easier, not sure how much sense that makes but that just the general idea... that feeling I have had my entire life... does it bother me being referred to as male? this is harder to answer because its not really a strict yes or strict no in my case... I'll try not to go into to much detail but basically my parents are very anti-LGBT plus they dont want me or my siblings exposed to what they deem ''wrong'', and raised us in a way that we didnt get much exposure to reality.. it wasn't until I was in my teens and had more freedom that I actually was able to access the internet.. and a good majority of the things I know as fact are solely from me seeking out the truth on my own, not all just from the internet of course but it helped... before I started my search for truth on my own my family would usually just put down anything I would ask or say if it wasn't what they thought was true, of course this referred to a lot of things not just gender questions, but everytime they gave me an answer it just never seemed good enough... trying not to ramble to much but the point is from birth I was being told things and anything else was blocked out... so I would say I accepted my gender as ''male'' mainly because I had no frame of reference... and I didn't even know being Trans was a thing... so any thoughts I would get I would put off as quirks or me being weird and leave it at that... but at the same time I still could never shake the feeling that something just didnt fit... and really at times I thought maybe I was just crazy and would try to ignore it... so to answer your question to an extent yes it does bother me being referred to as male.. its just I could never quite explain why until recently... as for body parts... this will likely again be hard to explain but its the same concept as I just described.. basically accepting the ''parts'' due to the fact I was raised to think it was normal... That I am supposed to be like this.. and anything else was wrong. so any thoughts in my head I passed off as being just nonsense or me being weird/crazy... but now with a much more developed knowledge set... and trying to actually think about things more clearly... that yes I have a ''problem'' with certain parts yes... the best way to describe what I mean is.. that I have always felt my body was wrong in one way or another.. its just I could never really think of why... but now that I know better what being transgender really means... I cant help but notice things... things that are explained better by it rather than just ''me being crazy'' and honestly I think about it nearly 24/7 now... I cant help but think on it and ask myself what each thing means... and is it really me being trans or am I just crazy after all? am I just some oddball guy with some weird twisted view? or is this something serious... And really I cant say I know for 100% sure... but given so many things.. some of it I haven't mention here... I am thinking more and more that maybe.. just maybe it means something... but there is one thing I do know for sure... I definitely feel that if I could go back to when I was born... and change how I turned out.. I would do it in a heartbeat, if that means anything. Basically I feel like my mind is too different from a regular guys to be just a coincidence... how I think about people... how I act.. its always seemed to be more feminine than anything... but as I said im not super ''girly'' either.. but I think liking action movies for example isnt unique to men ''just an example'' but also on that note even though it doesn't mean much either for being raised in a family that likes sports and a dad who watches football a ton... Ive never really gotten the appeal... and it all just seems boring and pointless.. but again that doesn't necessarily mean anything... when I say not super girly I mean that for things that are stereotypical VERY girly.. I dont fit quite there... like for example im not crazy about pink or anything ''I like the color but i prefer blue'' now thats just an example... now im not saying a girl has to love pink to be a girl, and not all girls freak out over jewelry ''I do like shiny things and jewelry but I have always preferred simple things, i think simplicity is more elegant'' you get my point... but on the flip side I do pay more attention to my appearance than some guys. like getting a pimple i try my best to hide that part of my face, or i like my hair a certain way, and though it dries easier when its short i prefer it longer... and when it comes to clothes there are things that ive wanted to try but thought they are too girly it would just make me get laughed at... of course non of that technically means anything conclusive but my point is there are a LOT of small but consistent things with some larger things here and there... to prevent this reply from being too much of a chore to read ill wrap this up by saying... being a guy feels wrong to me, and if I come to a concrete conclusion about being trans... I would consider no price to high to make myself how im supposed to be, even if it means surgery. So does that mean anything? who knows... hopefully this explains things better.
     
    #4 Xey, Aug 29, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2016