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Social pressure.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Generic Name, Sep 1, 2016.

  1. Generic Name

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'm having some serious issues expressing my thoughts and feelings, and I think it's down to social pressure.... And maybe a bit of insecurity.

    Any time my mind drifts onto the thought of gender, it just depresses the fuck out of me. I want to be able to explain why, I want to be able to voice all of the thoughts of WHY I'm feeling like that, but I just..... can't. Something is blocking me, and it's just making everything worse. I can't express myself, so I get sad, and I can't express why that makes me sad. It's a vicious cycle.

    I feel like if I do somehow successfully voice my thoughts to someone (about my gender), they wouldn't take me seriously, because "I'm not really trans". I've already made a thread about not feeling trans enough, but this is just like... On the next level. It's so strong, that it's making me seriously considering HRT already, and I don't think that being 'forced' into such a big decision because of social pressure is good; but then again, I do want to be seen as a girl, I do want to be seen as a "serious trans" to the public, and I don't want to be referred to as male anymore, so why not?

    I've previously considered booking an appointment with my GP, and seeing the options available to me, and all of this is really making me want to do it, but I'm scared. From what I've heard, it takes ages to actually get clearance from the NHS to begin HRT, and before all of that, I have to go to a GIC, and this terrifies me. I'm deathly afraid of the GIC not recommending HRT to me, simply because I have doubts at times. But isn't that normal? Plus, don't you have to be living as your preferred gender for like a year or something? I don't know how it works, and I don't feel like I can transition fully without HRT. I'm to male-looking :L

    Sorry this thread was kinda long, I mashed 2 huge thoughts of mine together, with a sprinkle of my personal insecurities, so sorry if it was a little overwhelming :/
     
  2. tom rose

    Regular Member

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    hey. I experience a lot of doubt too and it can be so hard when thinking of your gender and trying to work it out. It's a long process I think and though the media (and even some trans people) makes it out to be something you know in an instant with surety for most of us it's takes a long time to work out and process. have you thought about talking to a therapist? Or if you can't afford it I often write or make a video dairy and just ramble about all the things gender related. Also you don't need to live as your desired gender for a year on the NHS anymore (that used to be there policy but it changed) - however I think it's good to have shown you've taken certain steps before your appointment e.g. coming out to people, or choosing a preferred name. the waiting times just to see the GIC is a year. So it's probably a good idea to see your GP about hormones sooner rather than later to get yourself on the waiting list - then you have a year to work out if it's really right for you. Also there's nothing wrong with genuinely wanting hormones, I beat myself for this a lot but if you think it's something you think will make you happy - why not!

    Hope this ramble helps at all. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Generic Name

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    That's the thing, I expect this to be something I should just know, but I don't, and it causes so much confusion.

    I did have a therapist while I was in 6th form (this was a few months ago now) for a little while, but I found it quite hard to talk to her about gender. This was when I was still coming to terms with everything. Well, I still am, but I just... Couldn't explain anything, and still can't :/

    I'm out to close friends, and I've even decided on a new name. Recently, I did ask a few really close friends to call me by my new name and use female pronouns, but I stressed that they should only do it if they feel comfortable with it. But yeah, you're right. I should just see the GP about this, regardless if it's social pressure or not, it's something that I think is the right choice. I'm just worried that I won't be able to explain myself and my feelings to them :L

    Thank you for your response, it's made me feel so much better c: