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Gender Identity and Expression A forum for support and advice about figuring out and expressing your gender identity. If you have concerns about coming out, please use the Coming Out Advice forum.

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Old 2nd Sep 2016, 10:38 PM   #1
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Am I trans? Where on the gender spectrum?

I need some advice, for the past few months i have been very confused about my gender. I really want to be a boy, im not sure if this makes me trans it just seems so farfetched how could i be transgender.

I want to be a boy and be seen as one but iv always known myself as female, iv had the passing thought a few times over the years like am i trans but then i just dismissed it but this time it came into my head it won't leave no matter what i do. I thought of it and then part of me went dude i think you are but another part went you cant be a boy your a girl you've been a girl for 16 years of your life but the more i think about it the more confused and more sure i get i look back at my childhood and things that i didn't think were connected are piecing together but i cant shake the thought of i cant be but i cant find any reasons why it must be false besides iv always been a girl.

It has been on my mind 24/7 for months and im still confused. I see my school councillor and she said she sees no signs that this is the wrong path for me.

I have wanted to be a boy for years, it started as a casual 'i wish i was a guy' and the older i have gotten the more instant the thought has become, now im jealous of cis guys FTMs and all other male identifying individuals, i have dysphoria about my chest i always saw my boobs as useless lumps of fat and the older i get and the more i think about me being trans the more uncomfortable i become with them sometimes i cant touch them without feeling nauseous, if i can feel them there i dont like it. the thought of having sex as female makes me uncomfortable and disappointed and i hate being 'girly' there is nothing feminine about me besides my body, i never fit in as girl, i hate dresses they just seem 'wrong' when i see myself in them. i have experimented with my gender since questioning i have bound my chest, packed, been more masculine, none of this seems wrong the more i do it more i want to do it more and all the time, i hate being called lady and woman and i hate when people say you will make a good wife, and the thought of being pregnant and giving birth to a kid makes me feel wrong and uncomfortable.

since i have started thinking i might be trans my dysphoria has gotten so much worse i didn't used to get genital dysphoria but now i do coz i realise that i will never actually be fully male no matter who much i try or want it i will never be 100% biologically male i dont want to be trans i just want to be a cis guy.i used to be fine with people saying she/ her but now it just pisses me off and i like getting mistaken as a boy or if some says u look like a boy i feel happy and proud but im only realising this now. every time i start to think of myself as male or think maybe i am trans and maybe i am a boy i think about my body and the way people see me and i realise that im a girl, i feel like im just faking it in some way like i have somehow convinced myself to feel a certain way.I dont know what gender i 'feel' like how can you feel like a gender if its not based of off stereotypes (they are dumb) and if its not based on biological sex then how can i know if i feel like a girl or a boy or neither. Im not sure if im non binary, FTM,Demiboy, agender or Cis im really not sure where on the spectrum fall im not sure how to figure it out and im not sure if i can be agender/non binary because I want to be a boy but im not sure if i feel like one. If i had to pick id probably feel more comfortable with being a guy/gender neutral than being a girl. Also I dont think im gender fluid because my gender doesnt change i just dont know what it is.

Sorry this is so long im just really confused. i want to accept it but i cant its gotten to the point where i just want it to go away i just want to stop feeling like this but a part of me is holding onto it and i think i would be disappointed if i wasn't trans, i came out to my mum the other day but im still scared, what if im wrong what if im not trans. sorry this is so long why cant i accept it?

What if wrong? what do I do? If im not trans why else would i feel like this?
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Old 3rd Sep 2016, 08:32 AM   #2
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Re: Am I trans? Where on the gender spectrum?

Some people don't work out that they are trans until they are much older.

Dysphoria often gets worse when an individual realises that they are trans as if one has spent time dismissing it, but now coming to realise what it means, it will get more prominent and stronger.

"...convinced myself to think a certain way." - if you were to stop thinking about gender identity completely for six months, and then after six months start thinking about it again, what gender would you see yourself as?

Gender isn't really a [in your case] ''feeling of being male'' but a ''feeling of not being female''. Most cis people don't feel their gender strongly as society validates it and everything matches, but since there is discordance between mental and physical sex, and society's perception of them - it becomes a focus for people who are trans that causes them to feel it.

Hope this helps.
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Old 3rd Sep 2016, 04:11 PM   #3
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Re: Am I trans? Where on the gender spectrum?

Sounds trans. I mean, I felt that way very long. I wanted to be a boy, I did pro/con lists of genders and decided that I'm not that bad off as a girl because at that time I had a horrible lot of pimples and could use makeup. But it just doesn't suit me. I said I was female and I said it convinced. I am a rational person and couldn't deny what my appearance said. But inside I am a guy and have always been.
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