Hey, guys and gals, I'm a pre-everything 19-year-old AFAB who identifies as a transgender boy. Most days I feel like a somewhat effeminate boy, which is perfectly fine with me, but on others I only feel feminine and those days are the worst. They make me uncomfortable, dysphoric, deeply sad, and very anxious as to whether I'm identifying myself correctly or not. I heard a rumor that sometimes this feeling of emasculation can be brought on by changes in hormone levels, thanks to the menstrual/ovulation cycle. Is that true? Could that possibly be the reason for these sudden, painful identity "shifts"? If not, then does anyone have any advice on how to cope with it until it's over? Will HRT in the future prevent these from happening? I never want to go through this again, ever; feeling like a girl is terribly painful. Thank you so much!
I have similar issues that tend to happen in the three or four days before shark week starts. I start feeling extremely girly, I notice my feminine mannerisms and my body and my voice and all the things that make me "female", and it ends up making me bitter and angry. I still know that I'm a guy, but I end up unable to pinpoint it anymore and it scares/frustrates me. I noticed because I realised there was a bit of a pattern forming, so I took note of exactly when I felt like that, and because I track my cycle as well (health reasons) I realised it matched up. I don't know if it IS hormones or something else, but you could do a similar thing to see if there is a correlation there for you. As for coping with it, I surround myself with my stereotypically masculine things. I'll lounge around in just my boxers (with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders though - in my head I tell myself it's because it's chilly, but really it's to hide the chest), play way more video games than is healthy, and my boyfriend who has a bloody sixth sense for when I feel unmanly showers me with masculine-specific praise and compliments. If I need to go out I wear my most masculine clothing and basically shout everything I say because it's the only way to make my voice sound manlier. I also distract myself by building lego models, that way I take my frustration out on the fact I can't find thIS ONE SPECIFIC PIECE instead of taking it out on myself or people I care about. For me I feel like if I can "see" masculine, I don't feel as emasculated - maybe receiving HRT would help in that regard, even if it doesn't actually stop the hormone levels going mad. I've heard that some men who have HRT will still feel the "twinges" of when their cycle would be. It isn't exactly the full on menstrual cramps, but remnants are there. I've also heard guys say that it's like they never had a cycle. So it might be hit or miss whether testosterone alone would have an effect on the female hormone fluctuations. Hormone blockers of some description have a much higher likelihood to stop the feeling if it is hormone related though, I believe. If you have any sort of gender therapist or hormone specialist that you can speak to, you could ask them about this and see if it is possibly hormone related and if there's anything you can do about it in the short term.
