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transguy or nb?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Eris, Sep 9, 2016.

  1. Eris

    Eris Guest

    okay so, i stumbled upon this photo collection of a good looking guy (i think he is a movie star or something, dont know), and i felt quite bad afterwards. the thoughts that went through my mind were, "i wont ever be that good looking", "i cant smile like that", "i wont ever get that hairstyle that i always like in guys". but then, im confused. i dont feel an intense gender dysphoria, just frustration. i dont relate to being a guy, but i feel as though i want to look like one. and by that i mean one without beards, has lean muscles, not those traditionally masculine type.

    i really dont want to label myself as a transguy. not because of the stereotypes, i just dont feel like one. so i guess my question now is, when you see someone who you think is good looking, do you feel like you want to be them? and are they always of the gender you identify as?
     
  2. SystemGlitch

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    I've seen men and women that I wished I could look like. I don't think that desiring to be attractive indicates your gender. Wanting to look like a guy doesn't necessarily indicate your gender is male either - there are a lot of purposely feminine-looking people who aren't women and purposefully masculine-looking people who aren't men. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Eris

    Eris Guest

    there are attractive females out there (i wouldnt use the word attractive tbh since it kinda carries some sexual connotation), but the most i would want is to be with them/date them. i wouldnt have an intense desire to look like them or be them.

    but i think you raised a good point. maybe im a nb who wishes to present myself as a guy.

    i have some wedding ceremony to attend (its not mine) and ill have to wear a skirt. i dont feel bad about wearing it and tbh i think i look great in it. then again, im starting to feel as though ive resigned to the fact that i wont look like what i want to be ideally, and that even if i end up presenting myself as a cisgender female (yucks @ dresses) ill be fine/apathetic about it

    welp, better stop thinking about this esp. when youre in a conservative Asian society
     
  4. I'm gay

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    I've thought that for a long time - I'd see a guy and think "wow, I wish I could look like him" or have such admiration for certain guys. After I came out to myself as a gay male, I began to realize that those feelings were really just me being attracted to those guys and mid-interpreting it as admiration. Going from "I want to look like that guy" to "I want to be with that guy" made a big shift in my thinking.

    I don't know if that relates to your experiences or not, but that's been my experience with this issue.
     
  5. darkcomesoon

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    I occasionally see a good looking woman and want to look like her, but then I remember that it would just cause me dysphoria and that it wouldn't be worth it, even if she does have great hair or really cute clothes or whatever. I only experience the sort of frustration you described when looking at (usually cis) guys.
     
  6. Synesthesia

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    I get that with guys, I don't really get it with women very often (wanting to look like them,) though I have seen women who I admire a lot and like their style and sometimes in the past have wanted to imitate them.

    It was part of what led me to start questioning my identity more but also my self perception was masculine/male often when alone, and I particularly noticed around most women (being around guys sometimes makes me feel more feminine.) So it was partly that, and partly my perception of myself in the world in relation to others.

    Oh and for me, I'm also attracted to men, and often the two desires overlap to varying degrees and that's just weird. I imagine it's easier to separate if you're mostly or exclusively attracted to women.

    I have had mild dysphoria too (it's fluctuated throughout my life though.)
     
    #6 Synesthesia, Sep 9, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2016