I keep hearing this, my teachers told me, my mom told me, my psychologist told me, the only people that didn't tell me this are my friends. I've also heard that I'll apparently "fall on one side or the other of the gender spectrum when I'll get older". That can be possible, but they only mention boys/girls, nothing in between or outside of those two, like if I couldn't be anything other than that. Yesterday, my tutor told me that I think I have no gender because I can't decide and I'm confused. I haven't actually discussed this with people part of the LGBT community ( only with straight cis people rip ) so I wanna hear you guys opinion on this. What do they mean when they say "you're too young to know"? Does that mean that I'm not mature enough? That I think I'm something other than a girl or a boy because I think it's cool? I mean, there's stories about young kids that know they're not their assigned gender so why am I too young?
I'd just keep talking to them and help them to understand your true gender identity. That way they can see you're being serious and not "too young" to understand it yourself.
A lot of people think all kids are easily influenced and that they can't understand complex things like gender or sexuality. That's true for very young children in some cases, such as 3 or 4 year olds, and it might be difficult for someone under the age of 10 to deeply understand gender or sexuality, but they can at least get the basics (even if they can't word it) and most teens and older are perfectly capable of learning about themself and therefore understanding themself. I think most people assume that non-straight non-cis kids just pick a label out of thin air and decide to run with it, without looking into it or researching it or actually thinking about what it means to be that, that there's no self-reflection there because children "aren't capable" of self-reflection - hence the phrase, "you're too young to know", because you're too young to explore it. My counter to this, though, is that a straight child would not be told "oh, are you sure you're straight? Wait until you're older, then you'll know better" and a cis child would not be told "you're far too young to think that you're a girl, you're obviously agender!" If LGBT+ children are too young to know that they are the way they are, then so are straight cis children. It's good to note though that some children and teens do label themselves as LGBT then later discover it isn't the case because they misunderstood the labels or misunderstood themselves - this "fuels the fire" so to speak that causes adults to tell children that they don't know what they're talking about. It's far more productive to encourage children to explore themselves appropriately rather than telling them that they're simply confused and will "clear up" as they grow older. All that does is put kids' backs up and make it so that they are even more adamant that, no, this IS who I am... and that can have a negative effect if the child IS one of those who pick the label out of thin air cause it sounds cool. This ended up rambling on more than I meant it too, but it's kind of a half-vent for all the times I was told I'm "too young" to know I'm male. I STILL get told I'm too young, and I'm 19. If I'm expected to make career choices and get a job and move out and get a home and pay taxes and do my own shit, I'm sure I can determine what makes me happy and what makes me uncomfortable and how I want to live my life. :bang:
Gender identity is noted in kids as young as THREE years old. Sure sometimes they might realize they were just non gender conforming but not always.
Its something that adults say when they're either in denial or homophobic. Theres no reason to put down a young person in such a way. You know best when it comes to your own sexuality just like everybody else. If they cant give you the benefit of the doubt then they dont respect you.
It's not fair they tell you this. Basing on how you write, you seem mature to me; they should give you more trust :icon_sad: "You're too young to know" could be used to force any concept.
This. They're saying you're not who you are because they're really uncomfortable with it. It's more about them than it is you.
"You're too young to know" is garbage. It's based on the assumption that you're too immature to be making decisions like this (which, in turn, is based on the assumption that being trans is a decision you make) and that you don't really understand what you're talking about. It's like telling a 5 year old that they're too young to know what their favorite color is or that their knee doesn't actually hurt when they said it did. You know your own feelings and your own identity even when you're young. Also, "you're too young to know" often comes from the exact same people who criticize other trans people for figuring it out "too late" because "you're not really trans if you haven't known since you were a kid". There will always be people criticizing you, no matter when you figure it out, so ignore them and just trust yourself.
If you can, try to switch psychologists. And if there if a pfflag group in your area they can help you with your family and school.
Thx for the answers y'all. Don't worry, I don't believe in the "you're too young to know" bull crap too, so I won't fall into a pit of questioning my gender once again. But I was pissed. They say they're here to help me and support me, but they deny that I am what I am. "You still have a lot of time, when you'll be older, your true identity will forge itself" so what, does that mean I'm not the actual me right now? That because of my unbalanced hormones I think I'm non-binary? That I'm gonna figure everything out in one shot when I'm an adult? How does that even make sense?? "don't think about it now, it's gonna make your teen years harder, don't" ( they then proceed to refer to me as if I was cis ) *sigh* My math teacher actually told me this ( and I quote ) as I entered her classroom a couple of days ago: "*insert birth name here, she's calling for me*? I feel uncomfortable with using *name I use*, because one of your parents doesn't know" ( which somehow influences her decision to respect my name or not ). After that, she called me about 5 times by my birth name in front of the whole class during the period. If she really cared about my dysphoria, she wouldn't have said my birth name, or at least not that much. Way to go teacher.
This issue is really complicated. The posters so far are correct; increasingly, kids as young as 6 or 7 who identify as transgender are being given puberty blockers and counseling, and started on hormones in their early teens. And many adjust exceptionally well, both physically and emotionally. It's a tribute to how far our understanding has come. At the same time, there is one concerning statistic, and it comes straight from the gender specialists that work with this population: Apparently about 40% of people who experience gender dysphoria in their early-mid teen years have it resolve, completely satisfactorily, without transitioning, by their late teens or early 20s. (Source: "Growing Up Trans", a really well done and pretty unbiased documentary I recommend seeing.) The challenge for parents are helping their kids make the best decisions, given that the decision to transition is, for the most part, irreversible. And the anguish of the parents who want to be supportive and also want to make the right decision that was shown in the documentary brought home how difficult a decision this is. So I really see both sides here. And that's one of the reasons that I believe that really good counseling from an experienced therapist with extensive knowledge of gender issues is really crucial. But all that said... nobody should tell you "you're too young to know." That's just wrong. A better response is "I want to support you fully and help you explore this so you can make the decision that's best for you."
There are plenty who know at very young ages. My last girlfriend knew that she was trans since the beginning and never had to question it, it got to the point where her family caught her dressing in her mom's clothes so often they thought it would be a miracle if their child didn't end up gay. She tried telling them several times, but unfortunately they were mostly conservative Mormons and ignored her. A shame really, she could have fully transitioned by now if they were willing to listen.
One thing that was equally annoying for me in high school was being told "yes you do" whenever I answered a verbal question with "I don't know" At that time I had only figured out that I'm Bi(romantic came later when I figured out I am Demisexual) My middleschool actually tried to keep me out of the sex-ed class even. Too bad for them, I knew how to use a computer since I was 5 at least, possibly even younger, and I was a 90's kid. Sorry for the mini-rant, my point is that adults tend to act like the more immature ones when we don't adhere to their expectations. We don't need to fit their expectations, because we only really need to be true to ourselves.
