Hello. Well, I guess this post will be more of a rant of sorts. I just want to hear opinions and insights. Mainly insights. And I'm still relatively new to emptyclosets so I'm not sure if this is where I should place this post. So, I guess...without further ado, here is my rant... Okay, so I am very confused over my sexual orientation. I've thought I'm bisexual throughout many years. Even before I really accepted that I'm attracted to both girls and boys, I knew deep inside that I am in fact attracted to both. So, why do I say I'm confused? Because...I AM. I know I do have some sort of attraction to both girls and boys, and I guess that classifies me as bisexual by proxy, but It just baffles me how different my feelings are for boys than for girls. It frustrates me a lot. I feel very different towards boys than I do towards girls, and that creates some sort of split inside of me, if that makes sense. It makes me feel very confused :icon_sad: What I feel towards girls is a very strong sexual attraction. It's been like that since I was little. It's not very common for me to like a girl in an emotional/romantic sense...but it has happened. And when it happens it's beautiful. I first fall for their personality and then their faces and then I start feeling sexually attracted to them. It's weird because I usually am more sexually attracted to girls, but when I truly fall for a girl that's the last thing I notice. With boys it's mainly physical attraction (not really sexual). I think guys are good looking, but I've never had true emotional feelings for any boy. I do have light crushes, but nothing significant as I've felt for girls. But the light crushes are pretty common with boys. I don't really find men that sexually appealing, to be honest. OKAY. So that's what's up with my sexual orientation (just for background information). Aside from that, I've been having strange feelings and THINGS for like...two years. Okay, I can't read heterosexual/straight books. They make me feel queasy, bored and just completely uninterested. I almost hate them. I really like gay books though. I don't like them...I LOVE them. A lot. They make me feel ticklish inside and happy and warm. I don't enjoy lesbian books all that much. They feel alien to me, I dunno why. Same thing happens to me with movies/series. I love gay couples there too. I like it when the men aren't masculine but more feminine (not the stereotypical gay femininity tough). I just feel very warm inside watching gay couples like that. In short, I don't enjoy romance in movies or books unless it's gay boy x boy. It confuse me because it isn't like I get turned on by two boys having sex or a romantic relationship. I feel more emotionally HAPPY, if that makes sense. It's a more emotional thing. It really really confuses me. Okay, secondly when I see a straight couple in a film (because I absolutely don't like straight couples in books but sometimes I like them in movies), and I happen to like the girl...I actually do enjoy following the story. And I like seeing the guy really fall for her. I can relate! I can't really relate to lesbian couples. A little bit, but not that much. I can relate more to a straight couple from the guy's perspective. I like how guys treat girls. How girls are so cute and guys TEND TO be more dominant in the relationship. I love it. I like how guys dress and how they look next to their girl. How they can make her feel safe and give them reassurance (not that it can't happen the other way around, I just like it when it's from a guy to his girl). It ~sometimes~ makes me feel a little bit homesick. Like, I'd like to be the guy. Those things make me feel so very confused. I like girls and boys in very different ways. They each make me feel very differently. But I like both from a boy's perspective. I like guys but I wish I was a guy to love them that way. And I like girls but I also wish I was a boy to love them. If that makes sense. I don't even know if I'm making any sense :icon_sad:
