Guys, could you help me figure out my gender identity? I don't think "trans" is the right word, and "gender fluid" doesn't sound right either. I'm caught between being transgender male and demifeminine (I don't like the "girl" in "demigirl"). What terms do they have for demi-folks (both umbrella and specific) and what do you think I am? I think I'm getting really, really close to figuring out my gender identity once and for all. Here's a list of my traits: I sometimes feel androgynous (though not necessarily genderless). There's something simultaneously feminine and masculine about my androgyny. I sometimes wish I were born male and the gender dysphoria is horrible. I'd like a penis a lot of the times so I can have and feel sensation down there if I ever have penetrative sex (and I really, really want to). I have urges to engage in sex as the male figure. I hate having breasts, but if I were to get top surgery, I wouldn't want nipples. I don't like nipples, either. Sounds freaky and I'd probably also freak out to see smooth skin on top, but having nothing up there sounds "accurate" to how I feel on the inside, regardless of how aesthetically freaky it sounds to me. I have a vagina. I'd rather have nothing to a vagina, and I'd rather have a penis to nothing. I like how soft my longer hair is now, but if I had a choice, I'd shave it all off and do something very dykish or outright masculine like a fauxhawk. My hobbies and interests lean masculine and androgynous, though some things I guess are "feminine" though I wouldn't call them that. I hate dresses, I like suits, and I wish I could look like one of those super hot muscular store mannequins. I like to present myself as androgynous in public, though if I could, I'd rather've been born male. If I had been born male, I probably would have presented male rather than androgynous. I never really feel "female," more like "feminine." I hate periods, breasts, having a vagina, having my tubes inside, the idea of being pregnant. This is more sexuality, but I used to be 100% straight. Then I became bi. Now, I'm 95% les and the 5% is just societal pressure to be with a man who can be strong and care for me. I work so so so so hard to be self-supportive and I want to be wealthy someday so I can support my future wife and feel comfortable in my own skin. I want her to see no reason why I'm any less worthy of her love than a man. I want to be the person she can count on, and I see that person as probably being more masculine than feminine. Genderfluid doesn't seem like the right term for me just because those folks seem okay with that fluidity. I'm not. The dysphoria feels bad, and I also don't switch between male and female and something in between, but something more like feminine, masculine, androgynous, etc. It's more than a binary between two points for me, it's more like a 2D shape like a square. Or a triangle. Triangles are very lesbian. I just don't think genderfluid is accurate because I really, really wish I wasn't a woman. Sometimes I feel feminine or androgynous on the inside, but I don't want society to see me as feminine because it's associated with weakness and other things that go against my desire to be seen as strong and brave. ---------- Post added 10th Sep 2016 at 09:54 PM ---------- I'm so sorry to the admins, but it seems this posted twice. Please respond to this thread instead of the (now empty) duplicate.
I have to ask, what about being a trans male doesn't feel right? What I'm hearing from you is that you have strong physical dysphoria that makes you want to be male, you want nothing to do with being female, and you'd rather have been born male. That is a very common feeling for trans men to have, although I'm sure people of other genders have felt that way too. Remember that femininity and masculinity don't define gender. You can be feminine or masculine or androgynous and still be any gender.
I second what Darkcomesoon said. Gender can be hard to define but I've come to think that any pre-existing definitions, though comforting, should only exist to serve you, not define you. For example, before I found myself I called myself non-binary despite my dysphoria with almost everything feminine about me only because I 1) wasn't the perfect stereotypical dude 2) don't want bottom surgery 3) fear that I won't be accepted as a "real man" if I transition. But I do want to transition - on my own terms. You say you wish you'd been born male. Is the idea of socially/physically transitioning scary or uncomfortable to you? I guess it's a bit scary for anyone but I mean is it an obstacle?
You know, you honestly just sound like a trans guy. The physical dysphoria and male psychology is strong with you. Even feeling feminine does not make you less of a man. I am a masculine woman that does not like "feminine/girly" things but I love my body and I love being called female pronouns. That's how I know I wasn't trans or genderfluid.
To kinda respond to everyone . . . I guess there are moments where I'm "okay" with my own self . . . I don't know. I wouldn't want surgery because I don't want to cut up my body and nothing will function properly even if I did transition. That and . . . lately a lot of people have been complimenting my looks and it's got me so confused. And some days, I look in the mirror and I'm okay with it. I'm growing up to become a rather attractive-looking woman and it's harder than ever to feel so trans or to cut my hair again. I don't mind. As long as nobody expects me to date men. I'm only into women these days. Maybe I am trans. Maybe I just want people to stop identifying me as feminine or female. And I definitely want my body to stop acting female (e.g., periods, etc.). Maybe I am trans but I'm so good at blending in as otherwise.
What do you mean by "nothing will function properly"? Are you talking about bottom surgery? If so, what do you mean by that? There are a lot of misconceptions about surgery, so I'd like to make sure you understand it if you don't. There's a lot of false information out there.
