Being Trans, Dysphoric, and Alone (FtM)

So I'm not online all the time and I run low on spoons fairly often but if you ever need to vent to me you can send me a personal message or post something on my wall. Baths are useful for periods- the water stood the blood flow. Also listening to music, drawing (especially drawing yourself as you want to look) helps me with my dysphoria. Also if you decide to go on testosterone you can get your uterus and ovaries removed- but it's costly and not everyone can afford it or want to do it. Also if you get your ovaries removed you have to remain on hormones for life. Hope this helps you

 

Hi
I definitely know this feeling, and it's not fun. I had lots of trouble with my mom too. I'm not on a ton, but if you ever want to talk, shoot me a message.

 

Hi!

I'm sorry to hear about your mom's reaction, my mom told me the same thing when I wanted to get a binder because her mom had breast cancer ( and so did the mom of my mom's mom, anyways ). I'm not familiar with birth control, but based on the tiny research I just did, you have a greater risk of having cervical cancer (as well as breast cancer), although it's highly treatable if diagnosed early. Chances of dying from that are low. I don't know if you can get ovarian cancer tho.

I can help with your dysphoria. Don't look at yourself in the mirror, don't look down, wear binders and boxers and ur pack/sock ( not too much tho ). For periods, not sure how to reduce your dysphoria on that. Wear a tampon? Actually that's worse than pads, nvm. Sorry, can't help ya with that, just try to avoid interacting with that body part, hoping you don't have heavy periods.

You're not alone! Although I'm not ftm ( but afab ), I do experience dysphoria too ( more social than body ) so I understand how you're feeling! I think you made a good choice coming here cuz there's a lot of people dealing with the same thing too ^^ Send me a message if you want to talk c:

 

If your therapist accepts you as a transgender male, you should ask if they can speak to your mom for you (or with you). Someone who can confirm how you are feeling and give professional opinions to back up your experiences may help her understand that this isn't something you are making up, and that you are "actually transgender". It's not guaranteed to work, but it's always worth a shot.

Birth control medications have in the past been linked to some cancers and other health conditions such as liver issues or blood clots, though they are rare. I'm not able to take them because breast cancer runs in my family (my mom, her nan, and her great-nan all had it). It is good to note though that the majority of birth control medications do not completely stop your period, so if you have a strong history with cancer it may be more advisable for you to not take the chance. Most have 21 functional pills and seven "placebo" pills which are there to ensure that you still bleed once a month, since this apparently is healthier than completely skipping the period (I have no knowledge on the benefits/decifits of not bleeding so I can't give more detail on this). There are slightly different pills that come in larger packs containing 84 functional pills and seven placebos, which means you would bleed once every four months. It's actually pretty rare for birth control to completely stop someone's period.

Gender expression doesn't relate completely to gender identity, but expressing myself in very masculine ways helps when my body is screaming at me about how wrong I am. Normally I don't focus much on my expression beyond "do I look like a guy? Okay cool", so my mannerisms and interests are a pretty heavy mix of stereotypically masculine and stereotypically feminine. When shark week comes for me, though, I surround myself with my stereotypically masculine things. I'll lounge around in just my boxers (with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders - in my head I tell myself it's because it's chilly, but really it's to hide the chest since I don't have a binder yet), play way more video games than is healthy, and my boyfriend who has a bloody sixth sense for when I feel unmanly showers me with masculine-specific praise and compliments. If I need to go out I wear my most masculine clothing and basically shout everything I say because it's the only way to make my voice sound manlier. I also distract myself by building lego models (which is not at all related to masculinity but still), that way I take my frustration out on the fact I can't find thAT ONE SPECIFIC PIECE instead of taking it out on myself or people I care about. For me I feel like if I can "see" masculine, I don't feel as emasculated or "not male" by having a period. It doesn't make the feelings go away, but it helps. For dysphoria in general, aside from hiding the parts that make you uncomfortable, you should surround yourself with positive and affirming people and find something that occupies your attention completely so that you can focus on that rather than thinking of your body. Again, not a perfect fix, but finding ways to take your mind off of it is a decent short-term solution. Sometimes, though, I think us trans peeps with gender dysphoria due to our sex just kind of need to sit there and go "yeah, this sucks... my body isn't right" and acknowledge the feelings to stop them building up and taking over at the wrong time. There are people on EC who have experiences similar to what you're going through, and we can all help each other get through tough times like this.

In regards to making friends and contacting people, there are some features which are only available to full members of the site. If you're trying to PM people, I'm afraid that feature is disabled until you become a full member. You're able to PM site admins, but that's it. In order to become a full member you should take a look at the FAQ: Empty Closets - Website FAQ It lists the requirements. Besides PMs though, you are able to comment on walls as well as add people as friends - just go to their profile by clicking on their name - and of course you can start threads and reply to any of the threads on the site! If you like we can talk on my wall sometime, and if you decide to pursue being a full member then you can always send me a PM.

The fact that you mention that you bind, but you have no money and your mother is unsupportive, makes me a little concerned - what do you use as a binder? Is it a binder from a site such as Underworks, or sports bras, or something else? While binding properly and sensibly and using the right materials (such as a professional binder or sports bras) isn't dangerous, there are many unsafe ways to bind that can cause severe damage, and it's usually the cheaper binders/materials or binding for longer than 8-10 hours... so I just want to check that you're not putting yourself in any danger. (*hug*)