<<Choirmasters consider me a soprano even if I'm not. I'm not feeling I'm soprano. I am biologically soprano, but I wish so much I were contralto. Always wished, and even pretended to be (unsuccesfully). Choirmasters recognize my biological voice, but not my heart's voice.>> Hmm... anything familiar? Sounds like gender-drama. "Sounds" literally, haha. I think I have dysphoria about my voice. Since five years ago, I talk and sing deeper than natural, and feel guilty for it. I would like to sing in a "serious" way, so ruining my voice because of non-cisgenderism sounds so stupid and so… true. I think I've already ruined it. My deeper notes are dull because I'm a soprano, my higher notes are unreachable because I deformed myself trying to sing the deep ones. Yay. Transforming my body, deforming my body, moulding my body harshly. Sounds like self-destruction tendencies, sometimes. If my body doesn't let itself be moulded, I will deform it with violence. Shit.
I... definitly know this type of dysphoria myself... I've even been avoiding voice chat on skype with anyone other than my trans/lgbt friends because of my voice. I've even tried to harmonize/match the voice of, Glados in the Portal 2 credits music. Thankfully I can do that, but my voice still reverts to the male one when talking any time other than right after singing along to that song. When I sing with that song... it's with the voice I wish I could always have.
I kind of know what you mean because when I was younger I pretended to be a contralto even though I was a soprano. I mean I guess I was lying to myself as well. Interestingly I believe this was one of my earliest sign of being trans. I was only thirteen at the time but I was not okay with having a high voice at all even though I clearly was (and still am) a soprano.
I feel very uncomfortable with my voice, especially around other people. In my head I tell myself "You're a guy, and it's your voice, so stop telling yourself you don't have a man's voice"... it works about as well as you'd expect it to. :bang: I also force my voice lower than it naturally falls when I speak in an attempt to pass better, but to be honest most of the time I think I just sound like I have a cold. When I'm around affirming people I tend to notice it less and don't try so hard to change it, though there is still that nagging thought of "nah, that's not how you're meant to sound, son..."