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Do I count as a demi-girl?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Spirit, Sep 15, 2016.

  1. Spirit

    Regular Member

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    I'm not even sure where to begin. I'm a biological female, and for the most part, I connect with that gender, and I've never identified as anything but cis. But occasionally, I'll have brief flashes of feeling detached from being a girl. I've never felt male or completely agender, but sometimes I feel a little neutral. That in and of itself makes me feel like I'm probably somewhere on the demi-girl spectrum but the thing that confuses me is that in the past the flashes of neutrality have been really short, like really really short because mostly I've pushed them away. It's always been strictly responded with "No, [Spirit], you're a girl" or I just didn't let myself think about it. I think they started happening around the time I first came out. At the time, I think I thought it was related to me realizing I'm a lesbian, but now I'm not sure. Like I already said, it's never something I've really allowed myself to think about until now. I just started college and I've been regularly going to the campus LGBT+ group, and I've been meeting a lot more people who don't identify as cis. I've been thinking more about it recently, and I never speak up when my friends talk about gender, because I'm sure that my friend O will want to instantly label me as something, and not understand that I feel cis for the vast majority of the time. I knew we'd be talking about gender identity today at the group, and before the meeting I had the mildest panic attack ever because I've just now fully realizing that I might not be what I've been telling myself I am.

    Can I label myself as a demigirl and maintain use of she/hers? We always introduce ourselves with pronouns, and I've said she/her/hers every time. I don't feel a strong enough disconnect from female to use they. My other concern is that that 80-95% of the time I do feel like a girl, so I don't even know if it's worth labeling myself as anything else. It could very well be that my moments of neutrality would last longer if I actually give myself the room to feel. And I have been questioning the neutrality a little more over the last few days, but I've still been dressing as femininely as normal, and I do consider myself a lipstick lesbian. (I wear so much makeup.) That's a label I strongly identify with and because demigirl could have an impact on that (in my mind at least), I'm kind of stressed out. This is literally the first time I've addressed it enough to sit down and write about it, and it's never something I've said out loud. I didn't ever think I'd get to this level of questioning, this is all very new and a little bit scary. Even adding a question mark to my gender made me tear up a little. I'd really take any advice you'd have to offer me right now, and it would be much appreciated!
     
  2. SystemGlitch

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    I think that if you're happy thinking of yourself as female and interacting with your environment as female and having a female body, there isn't a need for you to change your label of woman right now. It seems to me that identifying yourself as a demi girl at this point in time won't really benefit you, won't change much (people will generally treat a demi girl as a girl in my experience and you still want to use she/her pronouns), and if it stresses you to think of it might not be best for your mental health to worry too much about labelling.

    That said, you can still explore your gender a little further if you want to. You are free to keep calling yourself a woman while you explore the more neutral feelings you have, rather than directly changing your label right now. If, at a later point, you determine that there is more to your neutrality than you originally thought, you might find you are more comfortable or attached to the demigirl identity.

    People can use whatever pronouns they feel comfortable with. If you feel comfortable with she/her, use it. And demigirl implies at least some element of female in your gender identity, so if you do determine you are a demi girl I don't think anyone would harrass you for wanting to use the female pronouns. Identifying as lesbian is a little more awkward, but again since you experience a female-dominant identity it isn't ludicrous to identify as lesbian, at least in my eyes. There are also many non-binary people who identify as gay based upon their assigned gender, so you wouldn't stick out much if at all.

    Good luck, and I hope this helps!