1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Gender issues

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by self feminized, Sep 17, 2016.

  1. self feminized

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2016
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Hey all, I'm new here. Been going through some time of wondering what my gender actually is. I'm 22 and biologically male. Im still attracted to women, even when dressed, but also to other cds. I've crossdressed in the past and loved it. I love buying clothes, looking at makeup, and one of my fav things to do is paint my nails. Recently, I came out to my parents as questioning my gender identity. They were supportive and told me that I have to do what makes me happy. They don't know I've crossdressed or that I continue to. Since then, though, I've added some dresses, tights, leggings, panties, and sports bras to my collection. Along with the clothing, I've also added two tubes of lipsticks, and many bottles of nail polish, hahaha. I'm just not sure what to think, at the moment. They'd be supportive of me no matter how I identify, I think. Just not sure how to solidify where I stand, if that makes sense. Not to mention, I have MANY fantasies about "hot" things that intrigue me. I also have lots of fetishes, and whatnot, like feet, tight clothing, etc. Just wanted to see what everyone though. I'm completely open to opinions, suggestions, and questions :slight_smile:
     
  2. Creativemind

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2015
    Messages:
    3,281
    Likes Received:
    411
    Location:
    Somewhere
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    What makes you question what your gender identity is? Just curious.
     
  3. self feminized

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2016
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Every time I've crossdressed, I've felt extremely happy and at peace. Other than the fact that I have lots of body hair and broad shoulders and big feet haha
     
  4. SystemGlitch

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2016
    Messages:
    412
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    If the only thing that's causing you to question is the fact that you like feminine things, I think it's less likely that you're trans and more likely that you're a cis man who likes feminine things. :slight_smile: Gender expression and gender identity are two very different things.

    Try thinking about these questions to see if they help shed any light on your feelings:
    - Do the male aspects of your body (genitalia, flat chest, facial hair, rougher features, etc.) cause you any discomfort, diassociative feelings, or a sense of "wrongness"?
    - Does the idea of having more female aspects on your body (genitalia, breasts, soft features, etc.) sound like it would be more comfortable, more "correct", or just in general seem like it would make you happier?
    - Does being treated as male in society (pronouns, name, etc.) cause you discomfort, dissociative feelings, or a sense of "wrongness"?
    - Does the idea of being treated as female in society sound like it would be more comfortable, more "correct", or just in general seem like it would make you happier?

    Of course, everyone's experience of being trans is different. Answering "yes" to these questions doesn't guarantee you are trans, and answering "no" to all of them doesn't guarantee you're cis. It's a good starting point though I think and should help you at least gather your thoughts about your gender and how you currently feel.

    I hope this helps!
     
  5. Creativemind

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2015
    Messages:
    3,281
    Likes Received:
    411
    Location:
    Somewhere
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Ok, one thing to note here is that wearing dresses, make-up, and other "female rooted clothing" doesn't make someone a woman, genderqueer, genderfluid, etc on It's own. Those are all gender roles made up by society (and it's also interesting to note that men used to wear "dresses" in older societies).

    I know a lot of biological females who would not ever wear a dress or makeup or ever paint their nails. I'm one of them. I don't like the gender roles forced on me and choose to present as a tomboy. So does my Mom (I've never seen her wear a dress either).

    Likewise, men can wear dresses and be happy as men, whether as a fetish or for personal comfort. Only difference is that It's more socially frowned upon for men to do it so It's kept private. I've known a straight man with similar fetishes, but who is happy with male pronouns.

    That's not to say that trans women can't wear dresses and make-up if it makes them more comfortable, but if they do so, it would not be "crossdressing" since they're wearing the clothes that matches their gender (same for genderfluid amab's). But trans women can also hate dresses and makeup and feel more comfortable identifying as butch women or tomboys.

    There has to be something more going on in regards to being trans or genderfluid. Dysphoria is a big one. Do you dislike or feel uncomfortable with male parts, having a penis, having a lot of body hair, being stocky, having a male voice? Do you feel uncomfortable being called "he/him" and would prefer being called "she/her" or "they/them"? It's not that you have to hate everything about your body to be trans, but there would be some dysphoria, discomfort, "not feeling right" in at least one area. Those are just some examples I could think of.

    If dresses were banned on women and socially acceptable on men, would you still be trans or genderfluid? That's one thing I ask all questioning people.

    And aside from gender roles, do you feel you have female psychology? The way we think and logically feel is different than men, even if all gender roles were banned today.

    Hope this helps!
     
  6. self feminized

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2016
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Thanks for all of the answers! Here are some of my responses, so bear with me! I do feel uncomfortable with body hair and broadness. I simply love being in feminine clothing and I feel more powerful and "sexy" in women's clothing, as opposed to men's. I don't feel sexy at all dressed as a male. I hope that makes sense. Pronouns don't bother me as much. I don't mind my genitalia, but if I had to choose between living full time male and full time female, as far as appearance, I'm honestly on the fence at the current moment. I'm just so much more comfortable painting my toes, putting on some tights and a dress, and slipping into some flats or heels. They give me more pleasure, not just sexually, and they make me feel like I'm on top of the world and attractive. Internally, though, I just don't know if I feel masculine, at all. Not just because of societal norms, but just in general. Hope this gives some more perspective on my situation. And seriously, thanks for the input, all!