Answering the "why me?" question

I often ask myself the same questions.

Why me? Well, I guess I was one of those 0.03% that ends up trans. It isn't the worst thing that could have happened though. My body works, I'm healthy, my mind is still working albeit with a few kinks, those are good things. And I know that when - not if - I'm on T, I'll start to feel much better about myself.

I used to think that maybe I was making all this up. Maybe I'd somehow convinced myself of a crazy delusion in which I'm male. But the facts don't add up. I struggled with puberty like no girl I'd ever known, and my mother agreed that she had never seen a case such as mine growing up. There was a distinctive line between an androgynous childhood and a sexualized entrance into adulthood that caused me to crash. Basically, if I wasn't trans, it would make no sense what all these random gender based thoughts meant.

It is statistically, highly improbable, to meet another trans person unintentionally in your life. I've only ever met one trans-woman in person. Even if you did, you might not realize they're trans unless they tell you. So it is understandable to feel alone in all this. But you aren't alone. You just have to find your people. Here at EC, at your local LGBT center, at your school or university's LGBT club.

We can ask "why me" all day long. But it takes true courage to stand up for who you are against all oppression and disbelief.

 

I use my usual coping mechanism: I don't take it serious and say shit happens. It's just important for me to know that there is nothing I can do to change it.

Honestly I sometimes think about not transitioning at all, even if a imagine my future as a man, I sometimes wonder if this is worth on how my reputation will be negatively affected if I make a mistake in my stealth. Then I tell myself that I am super clever, I won't get caught. But realistically seen one day my life will fall apart.

 

I don't know if I understand 100% what you mean but I will answer as I understand it.

I don't really wonder "why me?" or "Why would I be this way if no one else is?" but I do have this feeling of like I'm so normal. How could I be so strange in this way? And also, I'm like what are the chances of someone being trans? Like 1/100? It must be very unlikely that I would be like that then. It's much more likely that I am not like that than I am like that. And yet if I wasn't why do I feel this way? Why do I feel like this is my only option to be happy? If I wasn't trans I probably wouldn't want to put myself through this. This is a lot of work just to be okay with myself.

But the fact is even if something is rare it is going to happen to someone so why not you? And you probably wouldn't feel this way if it wasn't true.

 

I can relate to what you are saying. I've had the same thoughts recently. "Why me?" "Why am I trans?" There are so few of us, so it makes you wonder.

But I don't think that it is good for you to tell yourself "things could be worse". Don't minimize yourself like that.

And yeah, because there are so few of us it's easy to dismiss it as something we are making up. I'm not sure what to tell you here. It's why I don't bother telling people about it. Because they won't get it, and many won't be very accepting either.