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Very confused about my gender

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by BlueJay1, Sep 23, 2016.

  1. BlueJay1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2016
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    Location:
    Oregon
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hi there.

    I'm about to be 25, and I'm really confused about my gender. I'm biologically female, but I wish I had been born male. And I've struggled with my gender my entire life. Growing up was the most confusing time of my life; as a little kid, I had this idea in my head that I'd eventually develop a male voice and learn how to shave my face like my 3 brothers did, and I was excited about it. But then those things never happened, and I was saddened by it. I still am a little when I think about it.

    When my sister had her very first baby and people were telling me I had become an ''aunt'', I was confused because I felt like I should be an uncle, but I kept it to myself. I also wanted to become a dad someday (still do...), but there was a very short period in my life where I wanted to be a mom, but that didn't last long at all. I feel like I wouldn't mind being a mom if I had to be, but would prefer to be a dad.

    Also, I just stopped covering up my boobs 3 years ago. Thankfully, they're very small, so I don't really mind them anymore. And... this next sentence is going to sound really weird, but here goes anyway... I know for a fact that my entire LEFT side of my body is all wrong. Like, there's no doubt in my mind that it shouldn't be male, and it stresses me out that it's not, and I've even self-harmed over it. My right side of my body, though...? I don't really know how it should look. Probably female...but not sure... That probably sounds weird, I'm sorry. But maybe someone can relate to me in feeling that way? Would love to know if so.

    I don't mind female pronouns (maybe I'm just used to them?), but am very curious how it would feel to be called by male pronouns. I think I would love being called a guy. I dress like a punk-ish girl, and I love my female clothes, but I always feel like the male clothing section is calling me when I go shopping. But I feel too embarrassed to actually go to the guys section.

    I live with my older half-brother, and he says I act very girly, which makes me doubt I'm on the transgender spectrum at all. Deep down, I know I'm probably on the spectrum somewhere, but I have no idea where... I'm thinking I'm half male, and half female. But I don't really know, especially since I've never had a chance to experiment with different pronouns and clothing.

    What do you guys/girls think? Any help is greatly appreciated, thanks! :slight_smile:
     
  2. GayBatman

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2016
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    Location:
    Glendale, AZ
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    You are definitely somewhere on the trans spectrum.

    From everything you've said you are probably a trans man or bigender.