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Help! Confused about gender

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by nightowl88, Sep 24, 2016.

  1. nightowl88

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Watkins glen New York
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So over the last few months I have really been thinking about my gender and was thinking I may be ftm. Most of this thinking happened during the summer and the last few months of the schooo year. I felt pretty confident about myself and coming out at one point early on this year but since school has started again I've started having more doubts. One of the biggest being my lack of thought about this. For the last several months it's been almost the only thing on my mind but since schools started and I've had other things to worry about I have stopped thinking about it. A friend of mine who knows about this has pointed out to me that I adjust my shirt a lot even when I'm binding and they have noticed me shoving my hands in my pockets and putting my arm in front of my chest when I sit even though I haven't noticed these things, which makes me think that I subconsciously have been aware of how I don't feel like a girl when I haven't been actively thinking about it. I also worry because when I'm grouped with the girls at school for theater or gym I don't worry about it as much as I did when I was grouped with girls while volunteering this summer. I've also found myself thinking about my gender the most when I'm writing and I start to worry about ha anyone really noticed that a lot of my mannerisms have changed or that my chest is all of a sudden smaller. I just am starting to worry that I was overthinking due to having too much free time and also having a friend just come out as trans recently making me question myself.
    I do honestly feel more masculine than feminine. I have a lot of dysphoria especially up top. I feel a strong disconnect when I see myself with long hair or my chest showing or when I hear my name. I love to look really masculine and hate appearing feminine. I act very masculine and feel a stronger connection towards my guy friends than girl friends. I love when people say I look like a guy or the rare occasion I am mistaken to be a boy. I don't hav a problem with what pronouns are used and I think I would prefer a masculine or nuetral name like Micah or Grayson. I was wondering if this is normal and what people's thoughts on how I feel are.
     
  2. Secrets5

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    People think a lot about gender identity at the beginning as he/she/they is still trying to work out who he/she/they is. As a person becomes more comfortable with their true gender identity, he/she/they will stop thinking about it as much as it's no longer about the "what am I?" process, but the "how am I going to get there?" process. Now this can vary for some people dependent on laws of the country and personal situations. I think "getting there" can be easier that working out what you are, as getting there means you're following small steps to reach an ultimate goal that you can plan for, and try to work out any obstacles [such as parents] that you might come across and plan for those as well.

    I would say that you are transmale with the explanation you have given. Other than not thinking about it as much, is there any reason why you think you're female?

    If you stop thinking about gender for a while, and then come back to your gender, what gender do you tell yourself you are?
     
    #2 Secrets5, Sep 24, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2016
  3. ThatOneAlien

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    You don't have to think about gender constantly to be trans. As Secrets5 said, people usually think about it a lot when they are first figuring themselves out. After that, you have to stop thinking about it so much at some point to avoid driving yourself crazy. I am also thinking about it a lot now because I am starting T soon. But in the in between period there was a period of time when I rarely thought about gender. I still felt I was male, I just didn't obsess over it.
     
  4. RavenWing

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Out to everyone
    Perhaps you could try to get a gender therapist and work out all these feelings? (*hug*)
     
    #4 RavenWing, Sep 24, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2016