Why Does No One Believe in Genderfluidity?

I like the label for myself too, although bigender is probably more specific to how I feel. But "genderfluid" emphasizes the fluctuating nature of it all better. And I also feel like I'm making it up sometimes, usually on days I feel like a guy. Those days I feel like it might be best to just ignore those other days and just power through and be "normal". But then I think that if I can embrace all of who I am, I'll lead a more fulfilled life even if there's hardships.

Anyway, you're not making it up. I hope you can find the support you need.

 

Well...a lot of people don't believe in it because there is no scientific basis for it and because there are a lot of people who do it only for attention that are generally not the most pleasant people.

What you can do about it depends mostly on what you want. If expressing your feelings by dressing or acting a certain way is enough for you then keep doing that. If you want other people to use specific pronouns that might be a bit of a problem.

Maybe you could try to explain people that do not believe it is a change of gender that even if it weren't a change of gender things like masculinity and femininity or not something chosen either...although I doubt that would work.

Try to keep in mind that there are always people that accept you regardless of what you are or identify as. I know that that is no help for your current situation but maybe the thought can help you stay strong inside.

 

I totally understand you, I'm a genderfluid person as well. Try to focus on some supportive and positive corners of the internet (like on tumblr and so on). Don't worry, you're not making it up, you're not alone, there are a lot of people like us I know it might be a bit harder when your labels are a bit specific and not known by the majority of people, but that doesn't make your identity any less valid!
Sending so much love <3 *hug* You're not alone in this. <3

 

I think all the people online using it as a 'special snowflake' identity have really tainted the reputation of genderqueer people. I remember my parents telling me about people who identified as neither female nor male when I was younger and this whole thing wasn't as big as it is now, but all the people who have adopted it withing the social justice/regressive leftist community have really ruined the reputations of these people and there are a lot of phoneys running around, wearing the identity as some sort of badge.

 

(*hug*)

I suspect, in the case of those that are close to you, that it comes down to protecting themselves from the pain that comes with acceptance. There is a reason why people close to you often respond so awfully when you come out as trans, your gender identity has a huge amount of meaning to them, it is a part of their own identities as we exist as part of each others lives and memories. There is a huge amount of loss as memories start to feel false and it isn't easy to deal with. So people don't, they don't take your identity seriously because if they did, they would have to pay a personal price for that acceptance. It is much easier for them to view it as a phase, to say that this is a social trend or a fad and not take it seriously. In their eyes, there is always hope that you will let go of the idea, an idea that they see as inherently harmful because of the social cost non conforming behavior brings with it. That's at least how I understand things.

On the other side of the coin there are strangers who out of ignorance mock people who they don't fully understand and are different, that's the darker side of humanity and something that we often have to cope with if we are a part of certain groups.

 

There are many people who don't believe in being transgender at all and can barely wrap their heads around the idea of someone transitioning from one end of the binary to the other... it doesn't surprise me that there are even more people who can't accept some having the capacity to shift between genders. I believe that as being transgender as a whole becomes more accepted, the lesser known identities will become more acknowledged and validated as well.

Sasu makes a very good point as well. There are people (especially teens) who adopt these identities without knowing anything about them or what they mean or realising what they're actually doing. There aren't many of them, but unfortunately, they get all the attention because they are incredibly loud about it - the same way that, for example, Nazis got all of the attention in Germany back in the 1940s (and a considerable amount of time after). Because of the toxic minority, the majority is given an incredibly bad name and reputation. It happens for binary male or female identities too, but the NB identities unfortunately have received the brunt of it, presumably because they are more "special" sounding. :/ One of the many reasons that transgender education is needed so desperately in schools...

 

I get it, I feel that way too sometimes. I feel like it's all in my head every time I identify with my assigned sex (like MysteryHack said). Then I remember all those I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize myself, or how upset I was when my mom told me I had to start wearing a bra.

I totally agree. People like that have made it difficult for the rest of us - now there are so many who think of it as a joke or made up, that anyone not on the binary doesn't exist. It's making me not want to come out either - I'm not even out as gay to more than three people!

On the advice part I'm not really much help because I haven't told anyone I'm probably not cis. However, I do think it might help if you explain to them you don't identify as non binary just because you may dress like a different gender at times, but because you actually feel like a different gender at times (and maybe for good measure throw in a couple things that entails that wouldn't apply to someone who is cis with a gender expression that doesn't match their assigned sex).

Also maybe just try telling people you are happy this way and it is a part of who you are that you cannot change - if they were really friends they would accept that. Or if anyone is being a jerk about it you can say "this is who I am and your opinion doesn't matter to me, nor does it change that."

Just know that your feelings are valid, as is your identity, and that you are not alone.
Best wishes .

 

Two things: First some young people that aren't genderfluid "adopt" the label to make themselves look cool and special. Remember when every girl was somehow "bisexual" even though she didn't want to date or sleep with girls? The same thing is happening to trans identities now.

Second, some people confuse gender identity with gender roles. You won't believe how many people I know identify as genderfluid because "They wear a dress one day and a hoodie the next". Sorry, but that's BS and contributes to sexism. This can lead many people to think genderfluidity doesn't exist, especially people who hate their assigned gender role and are themselves NGC. However, this is a confusion of what the terms mean.

 

I have to throw this in because throughout these forums I see an attempt at understanding and that is extremely refreshing. I also see the "this label is better than that label" point of view also. As if someone's label somehow validates their existence or something. I identify as genderfluid, because that is what I feel. It is no one's job to confirm or deny how I see myself as a person. Sometimes I wish that people would put labels aside and just accept themselves as, "this is who I am" label and let it be. But I digress, I find myself doing the same thing.

I'd like for others to consider this. As human beings, it is in our nature to question, categorize, and organize. It is no surprise to me that we categorize ourselves to no end. I understand that what we are trying to do is find answers, but to what end? Is it to find out what we are who we are. When we do find that ever elusive label to pin on ourselves so we can correctly identify ourselves to the rest of society, does it make a difference other than being able to say "I am (insert label here)" and have others agree or disagree with you.

In the end, all that matters is you be as true to yourself as you can regardless of what label or umbrella you live under.

 

I don't particularly "get" it but once presented with enough evidence I'm willing to change my mind about anything.

The way I see it, as long as you aren't going around killing people and oppressing and indoctrinating children I have no issue. Any aggression I have is to be diverted to the people who do. Since you aren't hurting anyone, I see no problem or issue at all. By that simple fact it's already far more acceptable than many of the groups accepted worldwide.

So while I may not understand, I'd say just be you and take it from there.

 

I must admit that I have a hard time accepting some of the descriptions of gender fluidity that I've heard. When you say "my gender depends on the day" I have to question your interpretation of the situation, just because I can't imagine not feeling female on some level, even on the days I'm painfully aware of my masculine traits. It's really hard for me to not see gender fluid as just another way of interpreting a non-binary identity. But at the same time, I'm very aware that I'm limited by my own perspective and that the how and why don't really matter because alot of people have gender fluid identities and those people's feelings are as valid as my own.

I think that the real problem that needs to be addressed is the human obsession with gendering EVERYTHING. The sexes are equal now, at least in theory, and nearly every "rule" about sex and gender has been thrown out the window during the last 25 years, including the rules on reproduction. But even among trans people, the people who are trying to break those "rules", there is A LOT of love for the status quo. We hate it till we pass and then it's easier to not rock the boat.

 

My best friend is genderfluid. Preferred pronouns are "they/them/their", which is what I'll use to refer to them here. I'm also helping them prepare to come out to their parents.

It would certainly help a great deal to have somebody to help you through your struggles, and back your up whenever you need to try to explain your gender identity. It was good of you to come out to your ex about it, but now that you may not be in the best terms with her I think it's time you look to somebody else for support. If the school LGBT club doesn't work for you, look around for other local LGBT+ events in your area. I would say that approaching another trans person about your gender would be the best thing to do, or if not that then at least approach another person who identifies as LGBT+. As you know, they won't all necessarily understand your gender identity, but they are more LIKELY to understand than the average straight/cis person. Even if they don't understand, I reckon they would be more willing to look into it to try and develop an understanding. It might take some persuasion to convince them that your feelings are real, though it would definitely be worth it in the end. Perhaps try and prompt them into looking into genderfluidity online: there are several sites that explain genderfluidity, let alone in simple terms. If that doesn't work, try speaking to a teacher that you trust. You could even ask them about other out trans people in your school, as I'm pretty sure they aren't all attending your school's LGBT club.

Ultimately, you WILL find somebody to help you through this. It may take a while but you'll find somebody. Until then, hanging around here in EC should be safe. I can assure you that no non-binary hate exists here.

 

What do people not beleive about being pansexual? I mean half the people who call themselves bi are actually technicly pan it's practically just a word choice I don't see why people would care.

Nonbinary... I just dont think there is any reason for anything to be gendered if you don't want it to be... So not fitting into the binary doesn't really mean anything cos its bullshit. I find it more annoying when people are really bloody binary, except maybe guys because I love manly stuff. Basically just saying I would rather we just didn't have so many expectations of people based on gender. I just feel like transgender dysphoria is something that can only come orginally from within yourself, whereas nonbinary dysphoria is a reaction to society judging you and making you feel bad for being your regular self. So in that sense I'm not sure I beleive in it as a real scientific state of being, but I understand why people feel that wayit may even be a societal necessity right noe to have that category as we cannot stop boxing people in.

What I can't deal with is everyone using a different random set of pronouns. Sorry but that is special snowflakey, because nobody else gets to choose these things. Personally I don't think what someone refers to you as should hold so much weight, but if we are going to use nonbinary pronouns, they should be standardised. One set of pronouns for all nonbinary people. Otherwise people are aaaalways gonna be using the wrong pronouns. And nobody wants that.

 

tbh I think you kind of have to ask yourself, why do I need people to believe in it?

Labels exist to bring people together, not to separate us. And it's just a fact of life that not everybody can 100% understand your own unique experience.

I think the problem is that sometimes expressing a certain identity can carry with it a covert political argument. If you need people to believe in your identity to feel comfortable then you are trying to control what people think. And that's a self-esteem issue.

It's one thing to want to be allowed to be and express yourself. You absolutely deserve that. But it's another thing to need other people to agree that you are what you say you are. Everyone is an individual and everyone has their own beliefs and opinions. That is a fact of reality. Life is more about finding the people who get you than trying to change the people who don't. It's much less stressful that way.

 

Well I'm not sure what you mean by the bolded in the sense that genderfluid is a non-binary identity. Unless you just mean a static non-binary identity like agender.

Anyway though I have some thoughts on this.

I don't identify as genderfluid myself so take this with a grain of salt.. But my perspective as someone who identifies as male and female is that perhaps genderfluid people maybe in response to their environment feel a stronger identification with male or female at different times, because external stuff is causing them to be more reminded of their similarities and differences towards one gender or another. Maybe this can have an impact on how they see themselves. Then the degree of this connection would explain why people sometimes feel inbetween at certain times.

I can kind of relate to that to an extent, though I still consider myself to be both all the time as that just seems more accurate considering my entire life experience. There have probably been times in the past where I felt exclusively female for long periods, and often now I feel almost exclusively male. For several months now I've been more male than female most of the time.

It is also possible that some people base it around how feminine/masculine they feel at different times. I don't really feel that plays into my own identity as sometimes I feel feminine and still have a stronger male identity and feel bad about that, because I'm not living up to some kind of internalised male ideal or something.



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I find the idea of people adopting this for fun quite ridiculous though, because it honestly has caused me a lot of issues especially over the past several years. The fact that most people approach you not with your best interests in mind, but trying to make you conform to what makes them feel more comfortable so you can talk honestly with people and get useful advice, the issues I have with my body from puberty onwards but not being so detached from parts that I want them removed surgically so just 'putting up with it,' the desire to be treated as a man, to have people perceive me as man, to have relationships as a man, to fit in with men without them seeing me as a girl, wanting to do things sexually that I can't with my body, discomfort during sexual activity, wondering if I'm asexual for a while, the indecision about transition due to my mixed identity, wanting functional genitalia that I can't have, but not being 100% sure because what if I regret that, and at the same time wanting to keep other stuff and that'll be never allowed and who would be OK with that in a relationship?

Sorry to sound negative but yeah. Not all nb people are the same. But anyone who wants any of that mental mess is insane imo.

---------- Post added 3rd Oct 2016 at 06:15 AM ----------

^ that was supposed to be can't talk honestly but I ran out of time lol.

 

In many ways the same thing can be said for bisexuality. Everybody expects you to be one thing or the other.

 

This is the only thing that's weird to me, since this describes 100% of all cis people's experiences. There is no such thing as a cisgender person who is completely feminine or completely masculine. And if there is, I haven't met one yet.

Even binary trans people switch from feeling feminine in some areas and masculine in others.

Seems like an odd reason to form your gender identity.

 

I'm genderfluid. I've always known I wasn't just a girl. There are a lot of times that I feel male. Sometimes I feel female. Sometimes I don't feel either or I feel both. It makes finding someone to have a relationship difficult. Any man I've dated has been straight and turned off by the thought of my feeling male at times, couple have even just stopped talking to me. Any woman Ive dated has been a lesbian. Also, turned off by my feeling male at times. As well as being genderfluid, I'm also pansexual. If I'm attracted to someone, their gender doesn't matter to me. But it's hard to find anyone that understands and accepts someone that is genderfluid. But you cant give up. There is someone out there for everyone.

 

oh there are lots of people who are Gender Fluid. hey need to be educated is all, if they are willing to be educated that is.