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In so much pain right now

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Eveline, Sep 30, 2016.

  1. Eveline

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    Two years ago.I started the process of medical transitioning and reached the point in which ai was ready to etart HRT. I went through a national based gender clinic and it took me a year to get that far. Unfortunately along the way I came out to my family and they all rejected me and I spent 9.months fighting it and trying to cope with everything completely alone. I started going to a peychologist but after she met up with my family I could not see her anymore as she broke my trust and made things even worse with my family. I waz suicidal and after I lost the psychologist I broke down and was planning to.leave it all behind me but I couldn't. I love my family too.much, my nieces and nephews are everything for me so I chose to give in to.the wishes of my famiky and put the process on hold. By doing that I might have lost the chance to transition as I had already came so far and quitting at that stage meant that I waste the time of doctors and government subsidised meetings. I look back and I wish I had found the strength to keep goijg but no one was there for me and it hurt so.much, every day. So I gave up and let time paws, disconnected and empty. I tried to.live for my family but deep down I was in so much pain, I had to.nukb myself through video games because what else could I do?

    Today I got a letter from a plastic surgeon, what should have been the final stage of the journey in which I go through SRS. My dad wanted answers, why wqa I getting letters? And I was in unbelievable pain and now that i am alone, I can't stop crying because it hurts and I feel so broken, I don't know how to do this anymore.

    I guees I just need a hug. I'm so tired ahd lost and I need to somehow keep.on going despite everything and find a way to cope. :frowning2:
     
  2. SkyWinter

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    I'm very sorry that is happening to you. *hugs* I'm sorry that the people around you rejected you like that. *hugs* I'm here for you, okay?

    If transitioning is something you want to do, you still can. I'm older than you and haven't even decided if I want to start. So it's not too late if that is really what you want.

    You can find another therapist. You can find people who love you for you.

    If you ever want to talk you can always send me a message, okay?
     
  3. Mihael

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  4. Eveline

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    :icon_redf

    Sorry, lack of sleep and dysphoria really messed with my mind last night.

    I feel much better now, thank you. (*hug*)
     
  5. SkyWinter

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    I'm glad you're feeling better. :kiss:
     
  6. Matto_Corvo

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  7. oh my god I

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    (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) sorry you're hurting so much Eveline. You deserve to put you first. :icon_sad:
     
  8. Darthsam

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  9. Kodo

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    I'm so sorry you're going through this Eveline; you don't deserve this pain. You're an amazingly strong woman and have made it so far already. But you're going to have to hold on a little longer. Stay strong sister. It will get better.
     
  10. BrookeVL

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  11. Pistachio

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  12. AnUnmatchedSock

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    (*hug*)(*hug*)

    Stay strong op :slight_smile:
     
  13. CuteChloee

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    I can't imagine what you are going through... If you ever need a shoulder to cry on.. I'm here..