Some days I think I can live without it. That my reflection doesn't make me feel beautiful. Other days I think there's something wrong with me. Small milestones like my short hair. It brings me such joy. I get frustrated. How am I supposed to explain the feelings? Can they even understand the yearnings in my heart? Maybe this is a phase. Is it possible to yearn to wear certain clothes? After all I used to feel uncomfortable with how I presented myself. Overtime I hated my reflection. But, that's normal right? To be an insecure teenager? They don't understand that I'm not a tomboy. When I see a dress, sparkles, anything that shapes my figure I just want to destroy it. There's so much pain and rage in me when I see it. It's getting hard to hide. Before I felt like I didn't belong. Then I discovered androgyne. Seeing it made me feel..happy. I could love my reflection. My mom acts as though this just happened. I guess, to her it has. I've always felt this way. Recently, I have learned to explain some of what I feel. She brings dress after dress over for Prom in my future. How can I explain that I'm not unnatural? Is it possible to show her how much pain she's causing me? I'm afraid she's going to say it again. Girls don't wear that. How can I not get angry? What if, I just break down? I feel, so ridiculous saying that it scares me. That courage I need to approach her isn't there. She's going to say someone gave me this idea. The truth is they did. But, they didn't make me feel the way I do. All they did was give me a label and a support system. Why is it, so easy to tell you but, not her? It's hard loving her. There's already conflict with my sexuality. This might be just piling it on.
