When I was younger about 6-10 my parents would always make me wear dresses and skirts for events such as church, and I remember screaming and crying! Every Sunday...every event! I would refuse to get out of the car because I remember I felt so uncomfortable in my clothes! I just wanted to be in pants and a t-shirt! And I remember yelling about getting male genitalia if it meant no longer wearing uncomfortable attire..each time I did my parents pinned me to the seat as I kicked and screamed (This is where it gets blurry..) They would pray and shake me and grip my head until I began crying in exhaustion ready to leave the car. Every SUNDAY FOR ABOUT 6ish years. They would tell me how disgusting it was to get a sex change. How I was born a female thus I am one! Considering I am hunting my identity thought I would share my rather brainwashing experience. :tears::eusa_doh::bang: When I think about the situation now I get a migraine and the phrases my parents repeated just play over and over in my head. Snapping me back to stop thinking into it. I was the girl who would take my brothers hammy downs and go outside and roll in the mud, play with bugs and trucks, not the stereotypes dolly stuff until I was older and basically forced to enjoy dolls and such. *PEER PRESSURE* When I started high school, I began emotion changes, my self-esteem was low.. ending me to get hospitalized. Anyway after which I began to realize, Hey. I shouldn't have to change who I am to please others! I can be who I want and please myself! I am struggling to understand myself and I could really really use the shove in the direction I’ve been missing/avoiding for so long.. :help::help::help:
I see that you're young, and probably have to be around your brainwashing parents for a couple years, but it won't last forever! Try to be who you want to be as much as you can right now, and plan your escape when you get older. All young people have to be free from their parents to truly know who they are.
I can understand that, definitely. I hated dresses with a passion before I hit that phase in my life where I actually somewhat liked wearing them. That's horrible that your parents would do that. Pants and a shirt are just fine for anyone. Parents are weird; a lot of them want to keep us in the gender role box and sex we were born with, despite how unhappy so many kids are with that. Well, just to get this out of the way, it's totally fine to be questioning (I still am, after all). However, remember, wanting to wear a shirt and pants and doing stereo-typically masculine things does not make you trans or anything. Just to clear that up in case you weren't sure. Look deeper in yourself and ask yourself more questions to really get to the root of it and see if you may be. You want to be able to understand yourself better, and believe me, that'll take time. You're going to have doubts about some things and doubts about others. Whatever it is you want to figure out (orientation for example), try to use different pronouns for yourself. Find a trusted friend and talk to them and tell them how you're feeling. How would you feel being seen a certain way? I'm saddened that you were at such a low point in life, but I'm still glad that you realized you can be who you want to be. If someone isn't happy with that, then they aren't that great of a person them-self, really. I wouldn't really be able to help much though unless you are wondering about something more specific. All I can give for now is the standard advice, but please feel free to ask more questions! EC is a place to be comfortable, and I'm sure you know that. You do you. We're rooting for ya~ Good luck!
