How much of being trans is related to other people you identify with?

I don't know. But I do know I have a lot of trouble relating to or identifying with men. It wears me out! Like the little things they say thinking they're being funny or cute. I do tend to identify with women but I'm not sure I really relate to them, either. I would like to think I do. I feel a lot more comfortable expressing myself freely when I'm around other women. Talking is a lot easier and relaxing. I also rarely if ever feel imminent threat like I do with guys. I don't know but I always feel when I'm with an all-guy group there's this chance of violence at some point. Maybe because I grew up in a fairly violent environment or at least my formative years were spent in schools where things went physical almost daily. Also, and this may be very triggery for some people, but when I was a kid I was molested by an older friend kid who went on to do that to other people. I spent a long time actively trying to forget that but I think it's left a big mark on my relationships with guys. That said, my closest friendship was with a guy and I think I loved him more than I have loved even sexual partners since and always will. But all my other close friendships have been with women.

 

I dont know i know that i love men. but im very confused right now, and i feel like I should be a gay man in love with men. (but im a woman)

Its all so confusing for me right now. I hope you find answers.

 

That's how it started for me. I felt like I should be a gay woman, in love with women.

I think I identify slightly better with women than men, but I don't really see a complete disconnect with guys either.....

 

I find I identify with some of both in terms of seeing myself in them, but always felt like there was kind of a wall between me and most women/girls in real life, particularly during my teenage years and onwards and that I just naturally seemed to be more comfortable talking to guys. I had more interests in common with certain guys too (geeky guys usually.)

I can't say how much it plays into my identity because there are a lot of different things that play into it.

---------- Post added 5th Oct 2016 at 06:25 AM ----------

Some things that started me questioning:

ongoing issues with the sex features of my body
one time I was living with all guys and this girl said that if I wanted to talk to her about 'girl stuff' I could, and I kind of freaked out internally.
Being bothered by being referred to as girly.
Thinking I preferred being called sir to maam (not that anyone ever called me either, that's not really done much in the UK so this didn't really occur to me until I heard someone called the term or something more recently and thought about it.)
Always having trouble socialising with women, even tomboys. My best friend for a while in highschool was a tomboy, and sometimes it was still like we were on different planets. Later in uni I knew another woman who was a tomboy and she was the one that brought up that I could talk to her about girl stuff lol.
Wanting to look more like certain guys (this was confusing though because usually they were guys I was attracted to, there's always been a lot of overlap there)

I'd say it was the last one that really got me seriously thinking about this though. Before that I kind of dismissed everything as just 'not like the other girls/anxiety problems/personality defects/might be asexual (when I had issues having a sexual relationship,)' etc.

 

Hm. I think it is a part of it, though I won't say that I completely cannot relate to women; I can, as I feel some parts of the human experience can be emphasised with quite universally - but I do find myself relating to men a lot more, even from a young age, whether that be male characters or just other guys around me. I think it may tie into being trans, but isn't a be-all and end-all kind of thing.
I honestly don't know whether or not cis women relate to men to the extent that I do and have, but it's something I sometimes wonder about.

 

I rarely if ever relate to girls in a way that a cis girl would. I might relate to them a little if I act more girly, but then again I wouldn't be acting like myself during those times. Talking to them as a girl is a real struggle for me. It's difficult for me to keep up what I think are interesting conversations with them, I don't find any of their "girl-talk" interesting, and the way that they squeal when excited downright puts me off. I used to think I was just socially awkward, until I started interacting with other guys. There I found that I was completely comfortable with them, and I felt like I could be comfortable in myself, something that I had never felt before.

Also, when I dress I may think of what other guys would wear, rather than girls. I can also relate to guys much more in terms of thoughts and actions, even speech.

 

None of it for me. I relate to people the same regardless of gender.

 

This!

"Girl stuff". I'm quite funny in this aspect, because I feel more comfortable talking boners with a bunch of men my age than talking the same kind of stuff with women my age. I don't feel comfortable talking *especially* about my body and sexuality with other females.

I don't mind being feminine. Recently I even do my nails and am being sweet and adorable, and wear skirts, and pink flowers, but women are a strage species for me... I haven't talked to a woman other than my mom for a couple of months already. No, I don't relate to them usually. It's what got me thinking about gender in the first place. Women in fiction are mch better to relate to

 

So how that is related. It's one thing. But I'm not exactly binary trans. More bigender maybe. Both at the same time. It's one thing, because puberty started giving me very much anxiety because I thought I would have to become someone I'm not. I used to confuse identifying with men more than women with actually wanting to be male. I didn't really want to be male, even though I thought so. I just wanted to be myself. I wanted to do things I enjoy and act like I feel in the moment and not be rejected for that. Identifying as a guy saved me from this hell. Of issues with my body. Before that I just thought I'm a freak or that this world is crazy with patriarchy to an unimaginable degree. How I identify is one way to explain reality.

 

I'm more like a guy than I like guys, in general. I don't feel any connection with the culture men have amongst themselves, and I feel out of place and nervous alone in a room with 20+ of them, which happens a lot in my classes. I don't have nearly as many guy friends as girl, and the ones I do all have to be fairly gentle and sweet guys or being around them is just too stressful. But at the same time, I tried identifying as female, and man was that wrong for me. Women are great, there is nothing wrong with being a woman, and I think women are awesome, which is part of why why it was so hard to come to terms with the fact that I am not one and I hate pretending to be one.

My hobbies and interests are "traditionally masculine" a lot of the time, whatever that means, and so are my styles of dress and hair. I have a butch-y feminine side, I guess, to go with my effeminate masculine side. I had a point when I started typing this, but I got distracted by how bad I am at binary gender. :lol:

 

It's a part of it. Both me not always identifying with what most of my male peers identify with and my male peers sometimes looking at me funny or in rare cases even silently judging me for (perceived) female behaviour.

 

I always identified with girls and women and not with men. That was definitely part of what made me transition. Comfort levels aside... all of my significant interactions in my life have been with women. I still find it really hard to relate to men and it's really frustrating. I avoid men and honestly am still somewhat scared of men. Which sucks because I am attracted to men and I want to stop being afraid of them. It's just hard, being trans, I feel like if they find out they might be violent or something. And I've mostly never been treated the way I want to be treated by men because basically since puberty I've totally avoided them...

 

I love women and men, but have always related with men better. Women often puzzle me with some of the drama stuff that happens sometimes.
So I would say for me being a trans-guy; it is a part of my being trans, but not the totality of it, there are other parts that seem to be inbuilt into my very brain.

 

Relating to someone because of their gender... I guess it depends on what this means.

Generally, I find I relate instinctively to personality rather than someone's gender. This also sorta depends. If I'm watching a movie or series or whatever I usually relate more to male characters, but there are definitely exceptions where a female character has traits really similar to myself. If we're talking about people in everyday interactions... Its not really something that I think about. I've always had male and female friends and can relate pretty equally...