Lately I've really wanted to start transitioning after a lot of thought and research on the subject, and the only thing really stopping me from doing that is my dad. He's always been very accepting of everything and always made it clear that if either my brother or myself were gay or whatever, then he'd support us 100% and I came out to him about a month ago but I honestly can't tell how he took it. He told me that he would support me and that he wants me to be comfortable with myself and warned me that if I ever wanted to transition, I would have think very hard about it and be absolutely sure, but he still kept calling me a "young woman" and never once used my name or pronouns but I just think that's because he's finding it difficult to adjust, and I understand that. The thing is, a couple weeks ago I think, I got a letter from my school addressed with my new name and he got upset and started telling me how annoyed he was that I didn't tell him before changing it and that I should have asked him first and he said it was "really upsetting." I really do think that he's just finding it difficult to adjust to the change and I get that, but I'm finding it really difficult to talk to him about it because of that. I'm old enough to make my own appointment but if he got so upset about me changing my name at school without telling him, I wouldn't want to go and make an appointment without telling him. I'm just wondering how I could approach him about starting HRT. I know that referrals take a long time and that the whole process is generally lengthy, which is why I want to start now to have it done sooner, and I'm wondering if I could use that to tell him that I still have all that waiting time to change my mind. I'm just really nervous and unsure about how to ask him about this and I'd appreciate any advice. Thanks a lot for any suggestions.
Hello, If it's merely the ''difficult to adjust'' and ''upset about not telling'' thing then I would talk to him, even though you can and have the right to make an appointment on your own, him helping you on your transition journey will help him make those adjustments. I would start by asking him how his day was, and if he says ''good'' or better, proceed to what you want to talk to him about getting HRT. Just mention, as you said, you can back out if want to and explain it's a long waiting process so it's better to go on as soon as you make the decision. If he makes a mistake, I would politely correct him: ''It's [name], dad''. If there's something you could do together that affirms your gender with him then that could help as well.
Try to talk to him about why he's upset you changed your name. Really try to understand and adress his concerns, and let him know that you're sympathetic to them. Good communication is always mutually beneficial. It may be fear of the unknown, which further info will help him with.
