I am 15 and AFAB. I have been really thinking that I could be trans. I have never really been a feminine person ever since I was little I would w we dresses and pretend to live makeup because that's what I was told I was supposed to like. I also wasn't particularly masculine when I was younger I was always very in between. I remember almost always dressing more masculine and playing with dolls and not caring what people really thought about it all. At night I would wish I had been born a boy so I could be more like my twin brother and not be told to be ladylike and not need to learn to cook or clean. It was around puberty that I really started to feel weird about my body. I hated that I started developing a chest before the rest of my class and I always found my period to be one of the worst experiences every. I now have a lot of physical dysphoria especially relating to my chest. I hate how I'm so short compared to almost every guy I know and I hate seeing them with a flat chest and I wish I could be like that. My one with is to grow another 1.5 inches and reach 5'5 so I could be as tall as most of the guys in my family (I'm Irish so most of my family is extremely short). I also love having my short hair in a boys cut and I dress mainly masculine. I haven't worn a dress for no reason since I was 10 and only wear them for very special occasions. I hate wearing dresses in public I don't particularly mind it when I'm alone but in public I feel like I'm wearing a costume. I also don't really mind pronouns though I do like when people use male pronouns or think I'm a guy. I hear a lot of people ask me if I feel more like a guy or girl but I really don't know I have always felt the same way so I don't actually know how I feel since I have nothing to compare to. Everyone I have tried to talk to about this has told me that I'm too feminine to be trans since I paint my nails and like to wear my cart ears or flower crown and don't listen to me when I try to explain that's not how it works. I have also realized that I can relate a lot to a close friend of mine who is a straight guy but is very flamboyant and feminine and will come to school with painted nails. I hate being so confused and I feel really pressured to figure this out soon since my boyfriend says we can only go to prom if I wear a dress and I can't go unless he signs me in since I'm too young and my mom is also pressure of me to wear a dress to her wedding but I know if I am trans and come out they will both lay off on it. Sorry if this is very long and thank you for any help.
Most of this for you seems to be more related to just being masculine and feminine. A lot of the things you say are purely gender expression. Like you say, if you're not too feminine to be a man, then that also means you aren't too masculine to be a woman. Men can paint their nails and wear flower crowns, and women can go their entire life without putting on a dress. Femininity vs masculinity isn't a good foundation for trying to figure out your gender identity. You also seem to really resent the female gender role, and mentioned that when you were younger you wanted to be a boy so that you didn't have to deal with that - again, doesn't necessarily mean you're trans, it means the world is sexist and likes to put people in boxes of what they should/shouldn't do. Both don't really act as a sign of being trans or a sign of being cis. A bit of a note also is that there are a good amount of cis people who don't care for pronouns - many cis people brush it off if they are misgendered which is what gives rise to the "it's just words, why do they mean so much to you?" attitude from some people when it comes to using trans folk's pronouns. Unless you're feeling disconnected/dislike towards female pronouns and/or a connection/strong happiness for male pronouns, I wouldn't use the indifference you feel as any sort of sign for being trans or cis. You mentioned you feel uncomfortable about your chest and about your periods, can you go into more detail as to what you feel? Do you know why it makes you uncomfortable? Are there things about being female that just don't feel right to you, or things about being male that feel more accurate - removing gender roles and stereotypes of masculinity/femininity. If the world was completely neutral and gender roles were gone and items/clothing/activities weren't gendered, what do you think you would do or be?
Ok, first off, disliking dresses doesn't make someone trans. I'm cis and I hate dresses. I never wear them, period, not even to formal occasions. Neither does my Mom! She is 100% tomboy like me. A bigger indicator is physical dysphoria. You say you dislike your chest and period, how does this manifest itself?
I highly recommend watching youtuber by the name Ty turner. He is a Ftm and I found his videos really helpful. So his videos might help you ... Wish you the best of luck Chloee-
A person's gender is not determined by whether or not they like nail polish or dresses, or sports or cars. Those are simply personal preferences. What really determines someone's gender is how they FEEL about themselves, and how they RELATE to others (but not so much the latter). Your feelings towards your body seem like dysphoria to me. That's definitely an indicator that you may be trans. However your preferences and dislikes (eg. dresses) don't determine much. I'm a dude who's never been too keen on cars, but that doesn't make me any less of a dude. Just consider this: If gender stereotypes did not exist, if males/females could wear or do whatever they pleased, would you feel like you're a male or female? Would you ever question your gender in a world free of gender stereotypes? If people could perceive you as any way you want, how would like them to perceive you? As male, or female? Think about those, and take your time doing it. And remember that it's okay to have doubts, it's ok to not fit in completely with gender stereotypes. Nobody does, after all.
I think the main question you have to ask yourself here is, do you dislike having a large chest because you don't feel it matches your personality, or it somehow hinders people from seeing "the real you", so when people see your chest they automatically assume you are a girl and you do not want to be associated with other girls, or do you dislike them because developing early made you feel like an outcast amongst other girls and you wished you could just "be like other girls" and fit in? Also, as for your prom situation, I think even if you are trans / nonbinary, you're going to be on a somewhat long road to self-discovery and finding out what you do or don't like in terms of how people see you. I don't think you should pressure yourself into figuring all of this out just because of one event thats going to happen. Do you not want to be seen formally in a dress because you dislike dresses, or because you hate being associated with other girls? Also, are you feeling this way because the thought of having to be seen in a dress and being associated with other females and being seen as a female is stressing you out so much that you don't feel like you'll be able to survive the night that way? These are important distinctions to consider. As for now, I'd say unless you feel like it will have serious repercussions on your mental health to goto prom in a dress, give yourself time to figure yourself out, and maybe if you do go and figure out you feel totally wrong it will be an important step towards learning about yourself and realizing what you really want.
To kinda respond to people I'm really bad at explaining everything in one go. While I don't mind pronouns I feel a disconnect with female pronouns and my female name and even while writing my theater bio and was messing around and didn't put a name and used male pronouns and it felt more right. And I feel like without gender roles I would still like to be addressed with male pronouns. I know I didnt have a problem with not fitting in with other girls I don't like being grouped with girls at all and feel really out of place. I don't really get along with one group of people more than others since I have guy and girl friends as long as makeup, video games, and cars stay out of the conversation. I also know that if my boyfriend won't take me to prom unless I wear a dress it's not going to be worth it and if need be I can wear a dress to my moms wedding since she said I can change like an hour in. I also am probably leaving like 20 things out so if I think of them.
