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Neurodivergence and Gender Identity

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by BlueAvalanche, Oct 16, 2016.

  1. BlueAvalanche

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    Hi, i'm Blue, and i'm questioning my gender identity, i'm also severely mentally ill and have Asperger syndrome.

    I've been mentally ill most of my life, and i've been openly questioning my gender for around six months, but I showed signs of gender dysphoria as a child.

    I'm either FtM, or transmasculine agender. Right now, I definately don't feel comfortable as a woman, I know that much.

    I'm dysphoric over my chest, and have the urge to take testosterone and become taller, but I know how irreversable that is, and it really scares me. I'd prefer to be a more androgynous looking person, with masculine features. I like calling myself by masculine honorifics (sir, boy, he pronouns, etc.) but I feel very wrong when calling myself a man, mostly because I don't want to become a stereotypical macho man, haha.

    I brought up my mental health and Aspergers because I feel very guilty for feeling this way about my gender because of it. My parents are convinced that my questioning was caused by me coming off very strong medication, but I don't entirely believe them. they also feel that my Aspergers is simply obcessing over gender (they thought this about my sexuality too), and it makes me feel miserable and like i'm not able to claim any part of my identity because of my neurodivegence. I feel as though my gender identity is related to my neurodivergence though.

    I just feel really unhapppy all the time because of this. I feel as though it's one of the leading causes in my depression.

    Anyway, how do I know i'm not faking these feelings? They feel real, though it could be my head trying to trick me? If anyone has advice i'd be happy to read it, thank you.
     
  2. DoriaN

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    Girls having aspergers/autism and gender identity disorder is a common correlation, so I do feel sympathetic to them in that they are being cautious with what you tell them.

    That's not to say you don't feel what you feel, of course you do. They're your parents so they will play the loving skeptic as opposed to the blind supporter.

    Maybe try writing out your feelings on paper and giving it to them if you feel talking isn't working, sometimes these issues take time so try to have patience and work it out with them as able.

    Remember at the end of the day you're you, you're loved, gender or mental illness aside, they don't define you and your parents are just trying to act out of concern.
     
  3. AaronV

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    Hey Blue,
    coming from my personal experience, if someone is overthinking whether their feelings are fake or not, they usually aren't. They are very real.
    What you could do is taking small steps in the direction of transitioning. Maybe get a few different pieces of clothing, a new haircut, a binder etc and see how you feel after every step and evaluate your feelings. If you're still comfortable, go on to the next step, allow yourself a break if you're unsure. Are you in therapy right now? If so you could talk to your therapist and see what they have to say. :slight_smile:
    (A quick side note because I'm not sure if I understood you correctly, but testosterone does not make you taller.)
     
  4. BlueAvalanche

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    Thank you for replying, i'm trying to chnage my clothing in a subtle way, but I also don't want to upset anybody!! I own a binder, and it's the right size, but it doesnt make me look any flatter, sports bras also don't work. I also know that T won't make me taller, but I can dream, haha!

    ---------- Post added 16th Oct 2016 at 03:21 PM ----------

    Thanks for replying!! They are very concerned for me, which is why I don't bring it up with them anymore. I don't want to worry them in any way, I feel like i'm wasting their time if I tell them this and it turns out i'm female.

    The part about autistic girls and gender indentity disorder correlating is very true, so i'm also wary.

    Thanks again!!
     
  5. Michaelphone

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    If you're not sure you could try talking to a LGBT therapist.

    Jumping makes you taller actually and so does yoga. :slight_smile: I've tried both and its quite successful.
     
  6. BlueAvalanche

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    Never tried yoga, I might look into it... Thank you!!
     
  7. Michaelphone

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    You're welcome! :slight_smile:(*hug*)
     
  8. EverDeer

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    From my own personal experience, I can definitely say that its totally normal to have self doubt towards if what you're feeling is "real" or not when you're first discovering what your true feelings are, because you're still just learning how to recognize them. I had a lot of a self doubt when I first started speculating that I might be nonbinary as well, and even after learning how I feel and recognizing it daily for about a year now and coming out to myself as nonbinary sometimes I still doubt myself. Just know that its okay to not fully know how you feel yet, or what makes you feel bad/good. Its okay for your bad gender feelings to overlap with your other conditions/mental illnesses. Its okay for your feelings to change- and just because you think you might feel comfortable with how you were born one day doesn't invalidate your entire experience when you're not comfortable! Your neurodivergence very well might be the reason you experience gender differently than other people- but thats okay! That doesn't make it an excuse to not be yourself and not try and take steps towards what will make you more comfortable socially. Gender identity is all about how you internalize gender as an individual. If how you perceive and process gender is altered because of that, that doesn't make you invalid, because you're the only person that can make sense of your own world- and if transitioning or identifying as trans in some kind of way brings you solace to this, then that means your feelings are real. (so long as you're just not trying to run away from any kind of problems or hide from some part of yourself that you need to work out hahah)
     
  9. SystemGlitch

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    Just because AFAB people with ASD are more likely to experience gender identity issues, that doesn't mean that those issues are less valid or suddenly made-up/not real. ASD doesn't go away and isn't curable (nor does it need to be) so it's not like you will suddenly "recover" from Asperger's and as a result change your gender identity. If you had depression and it was caused in some way by a mental illness you already had, the depression would be treated, not ignored. So if you are trans and it is caused in some way by your Asperger's, it should STILL be treated, and not ignored, even if they just take you to a gender therapist (NOT "conversion therapy", that does far more harm than good).

    It also seems very counter-intuitive to be hesistant to believe someone with ASD if they say they are trans, considering they correlate... there's a correlation with peanut allergies and pea allergies, and they don't say "well, he's allergic to peanuts, we shouldn't believe him if he says he might be allergic to peas too!"; they say "holy shit, he's already allergic to peanuts and they're more likely to happen together so it's more likely that this is true." Denying someone's identity on the basis that they have ASD makes even less sense than denying a neurotypical person, because it's statistically proven that people with ASD are more likely to have gender identity issues. Mild rant over. I had my mom throw this in my face before and it makes next to no sense. (Disclaimer: I am only suspected of having Asperger's Syndrome, not officially diagnosed. Which is why it's even dumber that she used this as a reason to not take my transition seriously.)
     
    #9 SystemGlitch, Oct 17, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2016
  10. Delta

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    I understand how that feels. I've been "crazy" my whole adult life, the first time I was hospitalized for psychiatric reasons I was 13 years old. I've been diagnosed with depression, dysthymia, and borderline personality traits (which are in remission from treatment). I haven't been officially diagnosed with, but have and have been treated for PTSD. I've never actually been neurotypical, so I don't know where the mental illness ends and I begin. Sometimes I feel better than others, but is me-at-my-best really "me" if I can't ever consistently be that way?

    And speaking of consistently being -anything-, I'm pretty sure I'm genderfluid, so consistency gets thrown out the window there too. It makes me nervous about my identity, because what of this will change if I get medicated differently, or go on hormones, or do just about anything. I don't want to do things I'll regret, but I also don't want to regret not doing things. I get dysphoria about body and social things, but since I still like my genitals and many of my secondary sex characteristics, I have my doubts.

    I really don't want this to be "a phase" that I grow out of. I know I change a lot, but this feels like an important part of me. I don't really want it to go away with antidepressants or therapy. But, I -do- hope testosterone is an effective treatment because I don't want to be dysphoric anymore. I spend a lot of time worrying about the best thing to do.
     
  11. Creativemind

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    I do think there is a slight correlation with being biologically female, having aspergers, and having gender identity issues. This is because AFAB's with aspergers have a more male brain/way of thinking.

    I'm a cis woman with aspergers. But even I'll admit that my brain is VERY male. I have a hard time understanding and relating to other women sometimes. But, the reason I don't identify as trans has to do with not having any dysphoria. I like my female body, I like she/her pronouns, and transitioning would probably make me dysphoric. However, I do understand where this comes from.
     
  12. dublinz

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    Not certain but didn't think T helped with height unless you're young and then perhaps just by default?
     
  13. Delta

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    Yeah, after you turn about 16 hormones don't affect height anymore.
     
  14. Foxfeather

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    Oh, hon, two of my old best friends had Asperger's. They were really thoughtful people. Truth is, if I were to go in for an exam, they proobably would have diagnosed me with bad depression a few years ago and some form of OCD. All in all, it's made me a very thoughtful, observant, and -absolutely fabulous- person.

    Yes I am very gay and I've probably spent as many hours worrying and thinking about it as you. But a label is just a label.

    Have you ever felt judged or marked down because of your "Asperger's" label? That's how I felt when I started realizing that I wasn't straight or bisexual, but gay. But over time, it's made me into a much more real and braver human being. You aren't a certain sexual orientation because of your Asperger's. Maybe the doctors can find a correlation, but what does that mean? Absolutely nothing. I don't care what the docs or the psychologist has to say to you. You can think for yourself. You can interpret your own feelings. And only you can figure yourself out, not some shrink. Just because you're labeled as having a mental condition, doesn't mean that you can't think for yourself. That's bullshit.
     
  15. BlueAvalanche

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    Thank you all for your advice!! :slight_smile: