So I'm non binary transmaculine. I've been thinking obsessively about gender over the past few months, to the point where it's exhausting and I'm looking for some insight from individuals who have been or are currently in the same or similar situations. I'm at a point right now where I can't transition medically, but I've been considering transitioning within the next few years via HRT with T temporarily, 6-9 months or longer if needed, until I receive the changes I want to balance out my body (and voice) before detransitioning and going from there but while I'm pretty sure this is the right path for me, I'm also terrified of this path largely due to how society will view me and likely reject me afterwards. I feel like becoming who I want to be will isolate me from gender groups and limit my dating pool as well and in the light of that sometimes I wonder if it would be best not to do anything with T, but there are other benefits of it like body fat redistribution. The lower voice I would receive on T is also a big reason I'd want to do it, but I'm also afraid of losing my current voice forever as a result. I know people often recommend vocal training as an alternative to T for changing your voice, but I don't feel like it would be the same. Are there any other non binary individuals contemplating transitioning and are there any of you caught in the middle of transitioning and not transitioning? What are your thoughts and experiences? Do people who do transition medically or via HRT question these things at any point in their transition i.e. is this normal during transition regardless of what stage you're in? Sometimes I think I exhaust myself with thoughts of gender and would rather just not think about it all together, but I'm also extremely curious
Just so you know, body fat redistribution is one of the only things that is actually reversible if you go off T, unlike your voice drop which is permanent. If you go on T for 6-9 months and go off, you're looking at a more receded hairline, lower voice, increase in body hair and facial hair, genital growth, and possibly an Adam's apple. Increased muscle mass and fat redistribution will not stay. Also, if you did decide to go off T after 6-9 months, that wouldn't necessarily mean you are "detransitioning". That would only be if you decided to go back to identifying with your birth sex. Going off T doesn't mean you are "detransitioning" and you will still be trans if you are trans. Just make sure the permanent changes you would get from T are the changes you want.
Yeah that's what I'm thinking about and questioning intensely right now. I know body fat redistribution will revert and that's one of the cons of going off of T, that seriously sucks so much, but I love my head hair and I don't want to lose it through male pattern baldness, even it receding causes some worry but it's not so bad that I would not want to do T. I might be able to take finestride with T if I'm worried about male pattern baldness, but most transmen don't seem to experience it too much, at least not within the first year of transitioning it seems. It would be interesting to get more information on that. I do like the permanent change in voice, I just hope I would like my voice on T, that it doesn't get too low, though pretty sure my dad had a tenor voice, cause some of these things there's really no knowing what's going to happen until it happens and that's kind of terrifying to me. Facial hair and increased body hair I'm not a fan of and would want to get laser removed. I've heard estrogen can thin it out at least and estrogen can raise your voice which I don't mine because those things would even out T in my mind to be more gender neutral. Ah I wasn't sure about the term detransitioning, thank you for the clarification. I've been watching a lot of individual's detransitioning videos on YouTube lately to get an idea of what going off of T would be like and how estrogen reentering the body effects the changes leftover from T. Aaah all of this is so complicated. I often feel like I'm overthinking it, that hopefully when the time comes to take T I'll just bite the bullet and do it and screw society.
Facial hair shouldn't be much of an issue if you're on it for less than a year. You might get a tiny bit as you approach the 9 month mark, but it will grow much more slowly once you're off T. Increased body hair will almost definitely be something that will happen to you. I don't know how old you are, but guessing by your profile pic, I'd say hair loss won't be an issue for you. Your hairline may change because men generally have a different hairline, but it shouldn't recede due to male-pattern baldness unless your family has a history of early hair loss in men. Two main things you should take into account are a) your voice may take a while to start to drop (it may not even start to drop until 6 months), so 6-9 months may not be enough if you want a fully deepened voice and b) transition timelines are unpredictable. If 9 months turns out to not be enough, you might start to get facial hair before the other changes you want have finished. You seem to be aware of this already, but you can't pick and choose your results on T, so be prepared for the possibility of not getting the changes you want in the order you want them. Some people use "detransition" to refer to physical detransition, even if they continue to identify as trans/nonbinary, so you can feel free to use that word if you want. But as Patrick said, a lot of people use it to mean going back to identifying as your birth sex, and by that definition the term wouldn't fit you.
A lot of the changes you'll experience relies on your genetics, and if you plan on pursuing HRT, it's important you go into things with reasonable and realistic expectations. You could get everything you want or little at all. I went into things hoping to have a super sexy deep voice within six months like some people I've been following on Youtube for years, and I'm 20 months on T and I still get read as a 16 year old boy. This isn't to discourage you or anything, but to just be aware of things. Also, some changes are permanent; such as bottom growth, voice changes, hair loss, and other things. Some are also reversible and will change back once you stop T; like ceasing of your cycle, acne, oily skin, fat redistribution, red blood cell count and many others. With that said, just be aware of what you're getting into because hormones (especially T) is a hell of a drug and it can come with medical issues. It could be unrelated to being on T, but I know my PCP and endo want to keep an eye on my liver and cholesterol because they're elevated. Again, this isn't to scare you out of starting, but to be aware of things and that it's important to educate yourself on this before going into things blindly. There's a lot of gray area with hormones, and it's like getting a mystery grab bag. You never know what you'll get from it, even on a "low dose". My partner and I started T the same day and we've both experienced completely different things--with him looking like a muscular bear now, to me being a panda cub with sideburns and a more masculine frame and build. I know trans guys who have been on T for years (3+) and they've had major hair loss and some who have been on for almost ten years and haven't had that problem. It all just depends.
