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How did you find out?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by JustABisexual, Oct 18, 2016.

  1. JustABisexual

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    To some people, including myself, finding out who you are can be quite confusing. For some it takes a couple months of questionin to truly understand and for others it may take years. But I'm wondering, how do people find out?

    Do you research it and look over vocabulary? Does it suddenly click? I want to know how other people found out their gender identity and how they chose to express themselves ^~^ Out of Curiousity, you know?
     
  2. Daydreamer1

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    It's a case by case thing for everyone. I know for me, I knew I was a boy since I was like four. It's hard to describe, but it's just something I knew. It's sort of like trying to explain how some of us knew we were gay, straight, or bi--it just sort of was what it was.

    It was pretty isolating, since I didn't think anyone else out there was going through what I was. I didn't know there were people like me out there (let alone that transitioning was an option) until 2002 or 2003 when I saw a mention of gender reaffirming surgery mentioned in a 2002 edition of Guinness, which went to one of the best trans-friendly surgeons in the country over in Colorado.

    However, it would take me about six or so years until I'd see a trans person on YT documenting their transition, which helped curb the feelings of loneliness and that I'm not alone in this. So maybe around 2010 or so is when I started joining LGBT focused forums and places to lean on others for support, especially back when I was in the closet in high school and getting through the motions was a pain in the ass. While I was binding throughout half of my time in school, I didn't feel comfortable or safe to fully express myself openly until sometime after I graduated.
     
  3. AaronV

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    I hate the phrase "I always knew I was different" but it sorta applies to me. I knew something was up but I couldn't quite pinpoint it. The only thing I knew was that I wasn't happy with myself and constantly looking for labels. I didn't even knew that trans people existed for a long time, sure, I saw a few transwomen on TV but they were rarely depicted as real people.
    Then I saw a video on YouTube made by a transguy talking about his changes on T and it just clicked. Everything made sense. I was about 16 at that time.
     
  4. Aberrance

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    Took me years of questioning before I acceted myself. Id always been pretty masculine, wore boys clothes and had a masculine expression. Played sports with the boys when I was a kid, I was your generic tomboy. Even after I found out what transgender was when I was 12 and one of my teachers came out as mtf I hadn't linked it to myself. It was a very gradual thing for me to see trans people and just start trying to link my own experiences to that of others. Also Ive had a lot of body hatred throughout my life which id never been able to find a cause for, as that started to get worse during puberty I was able to realise it was dysphoria. It was mostly YouTube that got me to where I am as well as a UK kids online transgroup called Mermaids. Must have got into about 10 or so FTM youtubers and I became kind of obsessed and anal with researching and trying to work myself out. Luckily got to a stage where I now know myself and what I need to be happy.
     
  5. EverDeer

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    I'll try and keep this short, though I believe my true journey took many years, but progressed quickly over a few once I truly realized it:

    Growing up (AFAB), I had two best friends, lets call them D and S. When we were about 12-13 years old, D came out to myself and S as FtM transgender. Our friendship remained openly this way, with D being in and out of being stealth and trying to come out, up through highschool. Also, D and S were also both queer, and my two other best friends that I met later in highschool (lets call them L and E) were also queer sexually. As far as I was concerned, I was just the odd one out. My friends were very openly different, which is why I think I admired their style because I was always told to "stay in line" and not stand out by my parents, so their influence gave me a chance to be who I was.

    Later in highschool, S moved schools and we lost a lot of contact, though L remained friends with them. About 2 years later they came out as nonbinary. After this, I reflected on how during middle school there was a lot of tension socially between S and D; I think this was partly due to how S was actually feeling but didn't want to admit it to D due to them having a falling out later on. I began to find it odd how the two closest friends I had ever had in my life both identified as transgender leaning masculine in a way- because I saw myself as agreeing with almost everything in all their viewpoints.

    Fast forward to me graduating - all of my life I had been bullied and an outcast and thought of as "weird" for being friends with those people. I always got called a lesbian due to the androgynous way that I dressed, and was always offended and didn't know why (I later discovered it was because I didn't understand how trying to have an androgynous GENDER was somehow related to my SEXUALITY, which is actually probably what deterred me from trying to figure all this shit out). So, after I was out of highschool and became less depressed due to never liking the social aspects of school that I didn't understand, I began trying to learn to be myself finally, dressing more androgynously how I wanted, gaining self confidence, etc.

    Cue meeting my current boyfriend, M. We started dating and for about two years I got to know him- and also his sister! I vaguely remembered her from school and had always looked up to her and felt like we had a ton in common- she was also friends with D at one point as well. As M and I started dating, I would sometimes make jokes about how similar I was to his sister, and how we thought about and liked a lot of the same things.

    And then M's sister came out as genderqueer about a year after I started dating M.

    That is what hit too close to home for me. First, my two best friends growing up that I got along with for years better than anyone else both happened to be trans, and now so was my boyfriend's sibling that I always looked up to and joked about being really similar to?!?

    Point is, it took me about a full year after that final event to really dig deep into myself and reflect on a lot of the things that had happened in my life to conclude that I was agender/nonbinary. But, that is the chain of events that was pretty much my entire life leading up to it. I know its probably not the same as most people's, but I don't think I could be more thankful of the acceptance and exploration that I've experience through those around me thus far, as its truly whats given me the confidence to discover myself as well.
     
    #5 EverDeer, Oct 18, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2016
  6. denouement

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    Similar to what Aaron said I had the feeling I was different than other kids. Puberty was sort of the tipping point. I knew girls developed like this, I'd been told what to expect. I accepted that I was a girl since everyone said so but I guess I thought I would be an exception. When it happened it was a terrible shock. Any adult I talked to said it was a typical reaction, all girls felt like this at first and I would grow into it. But I constantly said I don't want any of this, I wish it never happened, I want to be a boy instead.

    I spent a solid few months researching how to get rid of puberty. I saw several videos of trans guys in the search results but ignored them. I had never heard of being transgender, I thought that they were (cis) guys and it wouldn't be applicable to me. I found videos of girls who were binding for cosplay purposes, and also a couple of channels from butch women who preferred to dress in a masculine way and bind. It was comforting to see older women who hadn't 'grown into it' as everyone said I would. But being butch or a masculine girl didn't seem like the answer.

    Then I started to look at the videos from trans guys. Which is when it 'clicked'. I never felt so relieved and excited as when I realized what I was seeing and what it meant. I immediately thought "that's me!" But the next thought was "no, I must be mistaken. I can never tell this to anyone!" After all I was a girl... right? I was petrified of how my parents would react if I told them I wanted top surgery or HRT. I was scared that if I told anyone, they would hate me, and I would lose all my friends.

    I took a while after that to keep researching, think everything over and stop being so afraid, and finally admit to myself that yes, I'm trans. It took even longer to work up the confidence to start to dress the way I wanted, and start coming out. But really watching those videos was when I knew.
     
    #6 denouement, Oct 18, 2016
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  7. JustABisexual

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    It is really interesting to hear all of these stories. I feel kind of proud to know that people aren't ashamed of who they are.
     
  8. Rickystarr

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    If you want to hear a story that doesn't really confirm what people want to hear, I will give it to you. Although I've always felt "different" (just because I'm weird and always have been), gender was never even on my radar until I was maybe 16 at the youngest. I was okay with puberty. My period didn't really upset me any more than anyone else. Or at least I don't think so because i never talked about it. It wasn't really a secret because I knew it was normal, and most of the "girls" I knew had had theirs long before I did, it just wasn't something I was comfortable talking about. I stole feminine products. From my mom, my sister, my friends, whoever. I always was too embarrassed to buy them. Or I would just roll up some toilet paper and make do. i never bled that heavily anyway.

    Other than my extreme embarrassment about menstruation though, I accepted being a "girl". I tried to attract boys until I was like 14. I experimented with makeup. I had mostly female friends and I never played sports. I never tried to insist I was a boy. I had small signs like trying to pee standing up from a young age, jealousy of the veins on my dad's hands and arms and the developing adam's apples on my predominantly male cousins. But otherwise I was a normal "girl" until I discovered my attraction to girls around the age of thirteen and the realization that I ONLY liked girls around the age of 14-15 and that I would prefer to play the male role. It eventually snowballed from there when I realized anything that WASN'T male made me uncomfortable. Once I realized I was able to express my gender in that way and I could still have a group of friends that liked me that way. I started wearing men's clothing around age 16 and never went back if I had the choice.

    But the thing is, like I said, I never fought it as a young child. And that doesn't invalidate me. So I just wanted to share that for anyone who hasn't known since they were four. That is valid too of course but that is not how it is for everyone, or even MOST people. For a lot of people it is gradual. A lot of people don't even question until we realize that is an option.

    ---------- Post added 19th Oct 2016 at 02:48 AM ----------

    There was more to it though...More signs such as my first sex dreams I recall featuring me as a man and my early fears of pregnancy and desires to have a hysterectomy...Also there was my refusal to shave my legs (though I didn't let anyone see my legs at all) despite my unusual hairiness...But in general, I wore blue eyeshadow just like every other fourteen year old girl and read seventeen magazine.
     
    #8 Rickystarr, Oct 19, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2016
  9. Yasha of XMETAS

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    I was pretty much raised in a gender neutral environment. Mom and dad never forced the gender roles on me or my brother and sister growing up. If we happened to like barbies or Buzz Lightyear toys then that was our interests, not our genders telling us to, so they pretty much just let us decide what we wanted to be what we wanted to like, regardless of gender.

    For me. Well. As long as I can remember I pretty much always liked the tv shows and cartoons that maybe would lean towards boys. Or gender neutral. Only a few times did I like some girls shows, an even then it wasn't because I thought I was a girl, I just thought the shows were interesting. Clothing, ever since I could remember I hated dresses. Hated skirts. Hated anything frilly or girly, ever since I could dress myself or choose what I wore I always chose the more boyish look or at the most gender neutral. But I always wanted to dress more like a boy.

    I remember often wishing I was a boy instead, it's more how I feel, but I was also only attracted to boys as well which also confused me as a young kid since I wasn't aware that sexuality and gender identity do not co-exist with each other.

    I'm not sure just why it happened, but for me, when it "clicked" was of September of last year. I was on the bus to go home, on the way downtown to get the next bus home, listening to my iPod as I usually do, coming back from my classes at college when suddenly, it clicked. I had a thought. "I'm not a girl." And that. That is when it hit me. I wasn't a girl. I never really was one, I was always more of a guy. My odd behavior my quirks I just thought was because of my Aspergers but no. I was a man. I enjoyed cross-playing as male characters, never grew attached or interested in any female characters, and always felt so alive and free to be myself whenever I was dressed up like one on Halloween or for fun. Because I WAS trying to be myself, a MAN.

    The first time I got my first chest binder, I rushed home and put it on immediately. I put on a tighter shirt. And with my short short hair, my thicker eyebrows and flatter chest in jeans, I looked in the mirror and started to cry. And laugh. And smile so wide. I saw myself for the first time that night. Saw that the man hidden beneath all that hair and so on was there. I never felt so happy to look at myself in the mirror before. I saw what I could be.

    A lot of people can tell you that, just because you weren't shouting this from the rooftops since you were 10 or 4 it means you can't just decide now this is what's what. Or that your feelings aren't validated but thats a load of crap. I was 25 when I finally saw myself, and at 25 was I brave enough to admit it and to try to be who I really am. And I do hope that others can one day find the courage to do the same. Because, take it from me, going numb and just going by day by day as something your not eats at you.

    Hope this helps :slight_smile:
     
  10. JustABisexual

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    Wow! I am astonished. I'm sure this story would inspire so many people! I feel so proud of you and au am so happy that you feel comfortable ^w^ Your parents are the bomb btw
     
    #10 JustABisexual, Oct 19, 2016
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  11. Yasha of XMETAS

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    [/QUOTE]
    Wow! I am astonished. I'm sure this story would inspire so many people! I feel so proud of you and au am so happy that you feel comfortable ^w^ Your parents are the bomb btw ����[/QUOTE]

    Thankyou :slight_smile: I was tearing up a little bit writting that lol. But I'm so lucky my family has been ok with all of this and super supportive. :thumbsup:
     
    #11 Yasha of XMETAS, Oct 19, 2016
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