As obsessive as I've been concerning my gender identity it always remains so nebulous and seemingly intangible as I become consciously aware of it, try to understand it better and attempt to take steps towards fulfilling it. It seems like something that exists more in my subconscious than my conscious and it seems the more I try to learn about it, the more questions I'm left with. I generally dislike labeling my gender, even though there are terms that fit how I identify and I think of it as an intensely personal aspect of myself. I tend to think I don't need to involve anyone with it that doesn't need to know or be a part of it. I often wish society would see me as I see me, but I simultaneously don't want to involve the people I encounter on a daily basis with something so personal to me, mostly I think due to fear of rejection, fear of danger or general negative societal repercussions. Sometimes I just think it's best not to think, just to be, but labeling it and thinking about it makes it more tangible and seemingly valid, but it seems so strange to have to define. I feel like my anthem has been "let it be" by the Beatles lately. I don't really know where I'm going with this, but maybe there are some of you who can relate. I really think this site should have a journal section (though it might and I'm just ignorant.)
I also feel like it's so personal... Labels in general do a pretty bad job describing. Think if you want to. Nothing wrong with it. I'm a definite overthinker I think it's beutiful, the deep thoughts.