Hello, I had identified as bi for a few years and have recently discovered I am more pansexual than anything. But recently I have been thinking I might be gender-queer or genderfluid. I am female and have never questioned my gender until recently. I also grew up in a small southern conservative community and didn't know about other identities until late in my college career. I have always gotten along better with males and fantasized myself singing songs sung by men or playing parts as men. But this desire to actually dress like a man - suits, bowties, etc have only come about in the past few weeks. Last night I pictured mysef with a penis. I looked into chest binders today. However, I know solidly I am not wishing to be a man entirely. I like being a girl, having all my ladybits, the "she"s, "ma'am"s, and "Mrs". I'm going to a football game tomorrow and have the quintessiential "basic white girl" vibe prepared outfit-wise. But other times I wanna excude the masculine persona I might have locked away. Which brings me to my main question. My hormones lately have been outta whack. My thyroid has been severely underactive off and on all year. I haven't had a period since July (it is now mid October). Could my change in hormones be affecting my gender identity?
Possibly, but I'm not sure how much. I have hypothyroidism and I've attributed it to being involved with my depression and low energy. It could be a factor, but maybe you should talk to your doctor about that.
Masculine=/=man. To me it just sounds like you want to express yourself in a more masculine way. The pronouns and way you're perceived in society doesn't really bother you so that tends to be a decent indication. I'd go see your doctor about the thyroid problems, I doubt change in hormones would affect your gender identity though. Identity is how you feel and who you are. If a cis-girl started taking testosterone she would still feel and be a girl, the hormone change wouldn't change her identity.
It really sounds more like you're a crossdress. A trans/genderfluid person wouldn't like female pronouns or their anatomy.
I don't believe this is necessarily true, as I am agender but using feminine pronouns doesn't cause me dysphoria and I don't experience body dysphoria. However, I don't appreciate being called a "girl" or "ma'am" or stuff like that and I don't like being grouped in with other females nor do I feel that I am one. I don't like being a girl or being seen as one, but I don't hate my body. When you say you like being a girl though, does that mean you like being feminine? Or are you genuinely comfortable and feel at home being associated with other women and being viewed as one by other people and would feel left out / miss being a woman if you no longer were seen as one? Wanting to be more masculine doesn't necessarily mean that you want to be a man or that you want to abandon your femininity.
True, to some extent as every trans person's experience is different. I may have generalized a bit. However, my main point is that gender roles have nothing to do with being transgender or non-binary. A cis woman could be completely masculine, have short hair and refuse makeup/dresses. A trans man could prefer to wear makeup and dresses while self identifying as a crossdresser. An agender AFAB I know continued to only wear dresses after they came out. Sometimes people try to identify as trans based on being masculine/feminine, but that's not really what gender is. Instead, it upholds restrictive sexist stereotypes that most cis people (and even some NGC trans people) are desperate to get rid of.
You should definitely talk to your doctor about your thyroid problems either way. For me personally, my gender identity had nothing to do with my hormone level. I was actually on the pill while realizing I'm ftm and taking testosterone did not make me feel more manly. To me it sounds like you just like to express your gender in different ways, which is completely fine.
Awesome, thanks everyone for your input! Like I said, I am relatively new to the scene. I am currently on a high dose of thyroid meds, but I should be seeing my dr in a couple of weeks for a followup. I am also seeing my OB/GYN soon so I will ask her too. She's a cool lady haha. I feel comfortable in my body and no dysphoria. I guess I just have the desire to dress/showcase myself as a male sometimes. Is "crossdressing" still a socially acceptable term? I've only ever heard it with a negative connotation. But that's why I am here, to learn. Thanks again for your help everyone!
Crossdressing is still acceptable you're not in anyway "appropriating" a transgender identity by wanting to do that. However, there is a difference I think between just wanting to still be yourself and wear masculine attire and putting on a persona when you do it, so to speak...what I mean is, I think it would be difficult to go about your daily life with a male persona publicly if it was just crossdressing...also, there's stuff like cosplaying that could allow you to experiment with that. Back when I still identified as female, I used to dress up as male anime/comic characters and roleplay as them, which I guess could be a form of that. Also, there are Drag Kings, though they are less common than Drag Queens. Essentially they're just what they sound like, the opposite of a Drag Queen, a woman who puts on a show / performance of a male persona.
