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Showing the 'Signs' of being Trans

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by BlueAvalanche, Oct 21, 2016.

  1. BlueAvalanche

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    Basically, whe I was a kid, very young, I often was displeased whenever somebody told me I was female. I have a few stories of this:

    I 'manspead' when I was little to fit in with the boys, you know what I mean, putting your leg horizontally on your other knee, unlike women who sit with their legs neatly crossed. Though this seems to be mostly social conditioning (telling girls that they need to 'act like ladies).

    While my school allowed girls to wear trousers, my mom thought they were badly styled and I wore the dress uniform instead, I remember being realy upset about this and my hatred for dresses and feminine things continued well into puberty.

    This one is embarassing to even type, but I had bottom dysphoria as a young child. Like, I got annoyed when kids and adults told me I had 'girl parts' and not 'boy parts'. So I pretended I had 'boy parts', and just said they were smaller than adverage. I now have zero bottom dysphoria as someone in their late teens now though.

    When I reached puberty, I had a very difficult time understanding girls. I also felt attraction to them, which made me feel guilty as while I was in a pro-LGBT+ family, we had no out LGBT reletives or friends. I also went to an all-girls catholic school. I couldn't understand the hype surrounding boys with the girls at the time. I have now come to the conclusion that i'm bi/pan. I just couldn't relate to girls want for makeup and femme stuff, or even to them on a emotional level. I still can't, to be completely honest, though I think I slightly understand better now.

    At this point I should note I have Aspergers syndrome, which i'm proud of, but it makes thing very hard on me gender-wise. I feel like the whole 'puberty thing' has hit me all at once very late, like my head has taken me three to four years to catch up with my body, and for me to realise I didn't like my position as a girl.

    My parents don't believe I showed any signs of being trans, i'm now not only back in the questioning phase but I feel I can't talk to them about it. Help?
     
  2. Secrets5

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    Have you got records of what you did during at least pre-school [kindergarten]? If you do then there might be things in there about you fitting in with the boys or other things you said/did that show it. Also, not everyone shows signs of being trans when they're younger so if you can't find anything, tell them this.

    If their belief that you showed no signs of being trans is because gender expression does not equal gender identity; tell them that it does if a child wants their gender expression to be ''masculine'' because they want to fit in with the other boys since he is one and all the other boys are being ''masculine''.
     
  3. BlueAvalanche

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    I probably have records somewhere in my house, because I was diagnoseed with Apsergers at quite a young age, so teacher had to keep tabs on how the disabled kids were getting on.

    I'm not out ot my parents and i'm pretty much intending to keep it that way, haha. My dad was extremely uncomfortable about the subject, my mum sympathised but admitted that she just never saw me as male. She believes that trans people just live in suffering and pain until transition (there is certainally an element of suffering, yes, but there is euphoria too) and I think overall my gender confusion just caused them pain, they really don't deserve that.

    I think I first really questioned after checking out many trans-related blogs on tumblr, and for the first time, I didn't view trans people the way society told me to; I saw trans people as human. I questioned for a good year before telling anyone, because I knew the stigma of ''impressionable kid sees something on the internet and they think it's cool'' I never told my parents where I got all my trans research from (blogs from trans people and resource blogs), they believe I had these feeling planted in my head because i went to a LGBT youth group because I was out to them as bi (which they also thought was a phase, and i'm back in the closet with that aswell now).

    Sorry for spamming haha, i'm just very scared.
     
  4. Secrets5

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    You're not spamming; spamming is where you send an unrequested message, especially that of advertising, to a large amount of people or repeatedly posting the same or similar message on a website.

    Even if she never saw you as male, there is still a chance she will see you as male in the future if you keep talking to her and help her understand your situation. Tell her that you questioning doesn't cause other trans people pain, and that trans people are ready to help you with your questioning. Also, with your dad, the only way to make someone un-uncomfortable with a subject is to talk about it at regular intervals in a way where you both try to understand each other - and hope that by this he becomes comfortable and supports you.

    There are some people like that on tumblr, the ones who simply "think it's cool", but that doesn't stop the other people who are really [insert thing here] from being valid.
     
  5. BlueAvalanche

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    God i'd love to be regarded as my parents son. I seriously doubt it will happen soon, but hopefully one day!! :slight_smile: thank you for answering my questions!!